Vol.2712
Yesterday, the crash of a Boeing 737 aircraft of China Eastern Airlines in Fujian County, Guangxi Province, aroused the concern and mourning of the whole people.
Looking at the video of the plane wreckage filmed at the scene, while praying that a miracle would happen, everyone already had the most heart-wrenching guess: the 132 people on board may have turned into a cold number.
They, although far away from us, were also very close;
They are also the fathers and mothers, the husbands and wives, the sons and daughters;
They may have just sent a message to their families a few hours ago: boarding, landing contact...
I just didn't expect that this departure would directly become the end of the road, and "a meeting" would also become a faint hope.
We often lament, "Things are uncertain and life is fragile." ”
Life education, especially death education, has always been an important part of children's education. But for genealogy children with poor empathy and comprehension ability, it is easy to ignore the birth, old age, illness and death of their loved ones, how should parents talk to them about death, and how to tell them about events similar to the crash of the China Eastern Airlines airliner?
01
N years later I hung up and he wouldn't feel it
Today, the topic of death and parting, in the rice and millet parent groups, has caused a heated discussion.
Xiaoyu's mother thinks that she should be cautious, "I don't know how to teach, I am worried that if I say death, he will always hang on his lips, who will not die, who will die, then it will be very embarrassing." ”
Then, she gave an example of her previous experience: "I used to teach him the meaning of 'old', and as a result, he saw that he was older, whether he knew him or not, and went straight up and said, 'You are very old.'" The adults were embarrassed. ”
Xiangxiang's mother agreed with Xiaoyu's mother's point of view, she added, "Our children are also like this, and the evaluation given by the primary school teacher has never changed - the emotional intelligence is super low, there is no reverence." For example, death, no matter what the occasion, he would simply say, 'Everybody's going to die.' ’”
Strong mothers found that "(this kind of child) has too much to teach, (death topic) this priority is not so high, first do not teach." ”
The autistic child Sheng Ge knows death, but he will only describe, no feelings. For example, he would calmly point to the ducklings and turtles he had at home and say, "Mom, you see it's dead." ”
"At that moment, my feeling was that I was hanging up in N years, he knew, but there would be no feeling..." Said Shengge's mother.
In a voice of concern, netizens believe that they should not be too shy, "Our family Will return to their hometown for sacrifice during the Qingming Festival, and children will ask when they see the grave, so we will directly say that these people have died and live on the hill here." Guess that this may be psychologically acceptable. ”
Netizen Yongren also shared, "Look at the individual situation." On the day my grandmother died, I said directly: 'Grandma is dead, and I will never see her again.' ”
The next series of sacrifices, the child is aware. He said to someone, "Grandma is in the picture." ”
02
Only by understanding the meaning of death can we understand the preciousness of life
Except for life and death, it is all abrasions. Near the Qingming Festival, the passenger plane of China Eastern Airlines had another accident, and everyone's mood was particularly heavy.
Li Meijin, a professor at the Chinese Min public security university, once said that life education is particularly critical in a person's growth, and "life education" is inseparable from "death education". Only by understanding the meaning of death can we understand the preciousness of life.
So, what should death education do? Is there a good way for pedigree children?
The editors of Rice and Xiaomi, Summer, shared death education in Singapore schools.
Many kindergartens in Singapore will raise small animals, and usually children will participate in raising them, feeding and cleaning, but even if they are carefully cared for, they cannot avoid the death of small animals.
Whenever an animal has an accident, the school will hold a "funeral" for it at this time to discuss "death" with the child. Under the guidance of the teacher, the children recall the time when the small animals were with them before they were born, so that the children can better understand that although the small animals are dead, they have left them with many good memories, and this time is very beautiful.
The school hopes that such a ritual-filled "animal funeral" can make children understand that life is limited and that good times should be cherished.
Some schools will take children to nursing homes, take children to understand the lives of the elderly, and let them understand that everyone will grow old and that any life will have an end.
Summer once asked a friend who was a kindergarten teacher in Singapore, "How do you explain death to your children?" ”
Friends replied that they would directly tell their children that "death" means that their hearts stop beating, they can't run, they can't jump, they can't eat, they can't play, they can't see, they can't touch, and they can't come back.
"Is it really good to tell them so unabashedly?" I asked with questions.
The teacher replied seriously that "death" could not be avoided, and instead of letting the children think about it, it was better to tell them directly. Moreover, "death" itself is not terrible, life has an end, and because of this, life is more precious.
03
What do parents do?
"Life and death are commonplace, but some parents have a hard time accepting that teaching their children to recognize these things in their daily lives is not just a genealogical family." Parent Pippi Dad said.
In 2020, Pippi's 100-year-old great-grandfather died, and Pippi's father wanted to take the child to the funeral home to say goodbye to the elderly. Both Grandma and Mom were very opposed, believing the crematorium too scary and unhygienic.
"I feel sorry that both 8-year-old Pippi and 6-year-old brother missed an opportunity to be educated about death." Pippi Dad is from the countryside of Henan, in his hometown, if there is an old man who dies, even children under one year old will be held by their mothers to wear filial piety, so rural children often have an earlier understanding of life and death, and their attitude towards life is more ambitious.
Pippi Dad believes that if parents of genealogical children can guide their children to understand some extreme life scenarios and emotions earlier, it is likely to be very helpful to improve their empathy ability. "Moreover, feeling that life and death are also a person's emotional rights."
In fact, death education does not necessarily only need to be told to children when relatives and friends die, but also can start with some film and television books.
For example, "Dream Quest". Coco, a Spanish boy who loves music, stumbles into the world of the dead on The Day of the Dead, where he meets many deceased relatives.
We can use this to tell our children that death can be understood as going to another world.
Although the deceased relatives will no longer appear around us, they are still full of intersection with our world, such as the fifth day of the first lunar month, the middle of the new year, we will put sacrifices in front of their portraits; for example, when we miss them, we will meet them in our dreams; for example, the objects and memories they left us have always been with us...
There are also some classic children's picture books that can also be read with children with genealogies. For example, "The Badger's Gift", "Grandpa Became a Ghost", "A Leaf Fell" and so on.
04
He may not understand, but we can help him remember
For the topic of life and death, Yuan Qiaoling, chief technology officer of rice and millet, combined her own experience and gave suggestions:
"I often teach my son that when a person is alive, he is the most valuable.
For autistic children, too, in fact, I don't dare to expect that our lineage children will have empathy for life and death, he may have a hard time understanding this, but we can help him remember the time he spent with his family in some ways.
For example, my son's first exposure to death was when my father died. Grandpa hurt him very much, often took him to fishing, playing, etc., so the two also left a lot of photos, he will now take out the photos to see, but not too sad, more is to share his good memories with Grandpa while watching.
Our thoughts about people sometimes rely on some visual cues to remember. Therefore, you can usually take your children to do more things you like, laugh and play together, and feel the love shown to each other in getting along, which is the most precious and most cherished thing at the moment.
Record it in the form of videos and photos, so that when we really leave one day, when the children see the photos and videos, they will remember the things they have done with their parents and laugh, which I think is very good. ”
Dear parents
How will you tell your children about death?
Wen | summer
Editor-in-chief | Qin Yu
Typography | eyebrow sand