The best way to persuade is to take the lead in setting an example and influencing the other person.

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In the last lesson, we shared with you the "Relatives and Friends, Counselors, More, Yi Wu Se, Soft Wu Voices" in the "Disciple Rules" section of the "Disciple Rules", "Advice and Friendship", "Advice is not entered, Joy is repeated, trumpet is followed, and there is no complaint." That is to say, we must not only have the motivation to advise and exhort, but also have the correct method and proper method in order to achieve and receive the most satisfactory results. We speak of "words" and "bodies" in our words. Confucius said that "when we talk to words without words", we will "lose people"; "if we do not speak with words", we will lose "words". That is, when it is time to say, when it is time to advise him, we do not advise, then we have "lost" this person. When we should not be advised, if we advise him, we are likely to make the fate a "sandwich". Over the years, in the process of promoting the "Disciple Rules", we have also found this problem, some people are obviously immature in fate, but the effect of our forced persuasion is counterproductive, so that he has a rebellion (psychology) against the "Disciple Rules". For example, at one point, I made such a mistake and printed many "Disciple Rules", sending them when I saw people, and speaking when I saw people. Does it work well? It may not seem good now, but it makes people feel that you as a person have a "violent" tendency, that is, to persuade others to appear to be a little at all costs.

Later, after realizing this problem, I learned to observe fate and observe the heat. To sum up the points, at what time to exhort? Under normal circumstances, the other party has no desire, and the effect of persuasion is not good. For example, over the years, when everyone has heard word of mouth and knows that books such as "Looking for Serenity", "Wake Up" and "What to Say" can have a certain healing effect on anxiety and depression, many people have come to you. At this time, when his child and his family are facing anxiety and depression, and there is likely to be danger, we have to follow up at all costs, and the effect is very good. For example, if a child with depression helps him alleviate depression and brings him out of depression, then it is very likely that this family will come into your classroom and read your books.

In some public places, I also have experience, unlike before when I saw people and preached to learn the "Disciple Rules", to read the "Disciple Rules", the "Disciple Rules" can make us have a sense of gain, a sense of happiness, a sense of security and so on. Now I am not as persistent as I was then, and I have learned to wait, to learn to be silent, and to wait for the opportunity. That is to say, when you can't feel the need of the other party, he has eaten a lot, he is now full, you have to force him to stuff the buns, then don't you make him angry? In other words, he has not yet felt the pain of the disease, you give him medicine, will he take it?

I began to learn about Confucius in 2006, and along the way, I finally summed up a little experience in grasping the heat. That is to say, when a person's sense of need and desire is not generated, we should not forcibly push forward. We all know that learning traditional culture as a person is like Confucius said, "Knowing what you are born to know, learning to know, and being trapped and knowing." This main emphasis is on "sleepiness and knowing", that is, when he encounters difficulties in life. Of course, there are also some people who learn through active learning, and he feels that this reading instinct brings him a higher state of life and a better quality of life, and he also learns to learn. This kind of person does not need to say much, he will naturally accept the study of the "Disciple Rules" and the study of traditional culture. For those who are "born to know", there is no need for advice. What I want to talk about here is the promotion of our traditional culture, in the process of promoting the "Disciple Rules", we must pay attention to the "Middle Way", that is, the "fire" should be grasped well, that is, at the right time and on the right occasion, give the right spiritual nutrition to each other, which is the best.

From this, I have concluded that the promotion of traditional culture must use "profit thinking" today. What is the concept of "profit thinking"? People today, their habit of thinking is "profit". Simply put, what good is it for me to study the Disciple Rules? Since we want to use "profit thinking" to persuade people, how to do it? The best way is to show him the "role model". For example, we are now a five-day closed class, the application of the "Four Precepts of the Fan" this textbook, generally on the fifth day of graduation, we will invite some of the student's family members, when he sees the change in their family members, he will also be interested in this class. Of course, he will also see that when he comes home and sees these trainees, their family members, the frequency of anger has decreased, the frequency of complaints has decreased, and the schedule has changed, then he will also be interested. So the best admonition is that we have to make an "example."

At that time, the host of our "Finding Serenity Classroom" was Ms. Ru Zai, who watched "Finding Serenity", and she wanted to follow up the study. At that time, I did not attach as much importance to traditional culture as I do now, and I took writing as an excitement point, and I was afraid of trouble. When she asked again and again, I said, you can do four, I can give you some time to tutor. You let your husband say that you are the best wife in the world, let your children say that you are the best mother in the world, let your mother say that you are the best daughter in the world, and let your leaders say that you are the best employee in the world. Do these four, and I'll give you this possibility.

Unexpectedly, she really did. This comrade Ruzai, she has now spoken seven rounds of "Disciple Rules", and her first round of "Disciple Rules" was invited to his class by his son. At that time, his son was in high school, which was supposed to be a senior in high school, and we can imagine that if his mother had not changed, could he have invited his mother to his class to give a round of "Disciple Rules"? The reason why she was able to get her children interested in the book "Disciple Rules" and introduced her to his class was because his mother changed in the first place. In the appendix of the book "Looking for Serenity", there is a real name sharing of hers, entitled "Serenity Has Given Me a Second Life", which means that she really changed and really did it. Then, she influenced her family, her colleagues, and the comrades around her, like six or seven colleagues who followed her to study the Disciple Rules. I often say, I say: You are older than me, so that your colleagues can follow you to learn like a hardcore, and you will not give up for four or five years. That's about setting an example.

compere:

Mr. Guo Wenbin, with his own personal experience of advising others to study the Disciple Rules, once again told us that there are many ways of persuasion, some with words and some with their own bodies. The best way is to take the lead in setting an example and influencing the other party, so that the effect of persuasion is the best.

Mr. Guo Wenbin believes that in the process of persuasion, there is a step that is crucial, that is, the grasp of timing and the grasp of fire. Confucius said, "You can talk with words but not with them, and you lose people; you cannot talk with words and talk with words, and you can't talk with words." It is said that it is necessary to grasp the opportunity of persuasion, "can talk with words but not with them" will lose the excellent opportunity for advice, and "not to talk with words" will make the other party have a rebellious psychology, and the heavy will cause the other party's distrust, and even cause fire.

So the question arises again, how to grasp the appropriate timing and accurate heat? Mr. Guo told us from his own experience that we must observe the words and colors when advising, one is not to advise when the other party is still angry, and the other is that we must perceive that the other party has introspection on its own faults. Therefore, Confucius taught us that "those who know do not lose people, nor do they lose their words."

This article is excerpted from "Guo Wenbin's Interpretation"

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The copyright of the article belongs to the author, and the views expressed in the article do not represent the publisher and are for reference only.

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