Confucius, a highly revered sage in feudal China, was also known as a virtuous man by his disciples and descendants. However, from a modern perspective, the sages in Confucius are not flawless in their ethical relationships. Delving into the pre-Qin literature, it is not difficult for us to find that Confucius, his disciple Zeng Shen, and Confucius's grandson Zisi all had the experience of divorce from their wives.
Confucius's original wife came from the Song Kingdom, according to "Confucius's Family Language: The Explanation of the Original Surname": "Confucius was nineteen years old and married to the Song Dynasty. A year after the marriage, Qi Guan's family gave birth to a son, and Lu Zhaogong also sent someone to give a carp to congratulate. Confucius was deeply honored by this, so he named his son Carp, and the carp took the word Boyu when he became an adult. However, the end of the marriage between Confucius and Qi Guan is not clearly recorded in the literature, but we can still get a glimpse of it between the lines.
In "The Book of Rites: Tan Gong Shang", Zisi's disciple mentions that "the first gentleman of the son lost his mother", and Kong Yingda interpreted it as "the first gentleman" to refer to Boyu, and "out of the mother" is the mother of Boyu, Qi Guan. It can be seen from this that Qi Guanshi did not grow old with Confucius, but was abandoned by Confucius. In "The Analects of Yang Goods", Confucius once said: "Only women and villains are difficult to raise, those who are close are not inferior, and those who are far away are resentful." This sentence may be directed at Qi Guan's family. Later, Qi Guan died of illness, and Bo Yu mourned for him according to the rites, and Confucius did not interfere with this.
"The Book of Rites: Tan Gong Shang" also contains: "When the mother of Boyu died, she was still crying during the period (anniversary), and when the master heard it, he said: 'Who is with the weeper?' The doorman said: 'Carp also.'" The Master said, 'Hey, 'Hey, it's even better!' "According to the funeral rites, if the mother of a filial son is divorced, she shall mourn for one year. However, if the father is deceased and the filial son has become a father, there is no need to mourn for the abandoned mother. After the death of Qi Guan, although Confucius allowed Boyu to mourn for him for a year, but Boyu was still sad after the expiration of the term, Confucius was quite dissatisfied with this, thinking that Boyu was too sad, and Boyu had to obey his father's order and stop crying. Although later generations respected the official family as the Virgin Mary and set up a special dormitory in the Confucian Temple to worship, if Confucius was reborn and saw that the original wife he had abandoned not only "returned" to his side, but was also repeatedly crowned as the wife of the Emperor, I don't know how he would feel?
Zeng Shen, as the master of Confucius, the reason for his divorce is even more incredible. According to the Song Dynasty Wang Yan's "Zengzi Outer Chapter Three Provinces": "Zengzi's stepmother encountered no grace, and (Zeng Shen) did not decline. and his wife were not ripe with steamed pears, because they were out (abandoned). People said, 'It's not seven out.' Zeng Zi said: "Steamed pears (small things), I want to make them ripe without my life, what is the big thing?" In the article, Zeng Shen's attitude towards his stepmother and wife is completely different. Although his stepmother was mean and unkind to him, he still regarded him as an object of filial piety and offered him wholeheartedly. However, it is very different for the wife. He ordered his wife to steam pears, but his wife failed to steam the pears, and Zeng Shen angrily divorced his wife, which shows that there is indeed a perverse, mean, cold, and weird side in his character.
The ancients had the so-called "seven outs" for retiring their wives, and the unripe steamed pears were obviously not gross negligence and were not among the "seven outs". If Zeng Shen had been a little tolerant of his wife, he would never have taken such a ruthless act. His harshness towards his wife attracted criticism from others, but Zeng Shen defended that small things were not obeyed, and big things were even more unpredictable. This argument is difficult to hold. If a person is not a sage, who can do no wrong? Everyone grows up through constant correction. Isn't it absurd to predict that a big mistake will be made because of a small mistake? According to the logic of Zeng Shen, everyone in the world can make a big mistake, and everyone can stop it. However, Zeng Shen is famous for his filial piety in the history of Chinese culture, and he is meticulous to his parents, why is he so harsh on his wife?
Zisi, the grandson of Confucius, is a famous man, and sometimes the ancient books are written as "urgent". He studied under Zeng Shen, and his attitude towards his wife was even more ruthless. "The Book of Rites: Tan Gong Shang" contains: "The mother of the son died without mourning, and the doorman asked the sons to think: 'The former son of the first gentleman lost his mother (mourning for the abandoned mother)?" Zi Si said: "In the past, my ancestors and gentlemen did not lose the way, and the Tao was long, and the Tao was dirty, and the road was dirty, and the urgency was safe? Therefore, Kong's family does not lose his mother, and he thinks about his son from the beginning. "Zishang is the son of Zisi, the great-grandson of Confucius, and his name is Kong Bai. The mother of the son was abandoned by Zi Si, and after his death, Zi Si did not allow Zi Si to mourn for it. When the disciple asked the reason for this, Zisi replied, "My grandfather had a proper grasp of etiquette, so how can I do it? My wife is Kong Bai's mother, and whoever does not be my wife is not Kong Bai's mother." Zisi identified his son's mother by his own standards, but did not consider that the blood relationship between Kong Bai and his biological mother did not disappear due to divorce. Although Kong Bai's biological mother is no longer Zisi's wife, she will always be Kong Bai's mother.
In order to prevent his son Kong Bai from mourning his biological mother, Zisi used self-humility as an excuse to claim that he could not reach the level of his grandfather Confucius in the moral level, so he was not as tolerant as his grandfather and allowed his son to be filial to his biological mother. However, in fact, the reason why Zisi so firmly forbade his son to mourn his biological mother stemmed from his deep hatred and disgust for the ex-wife he abandoned. Because of this hatred, he chose to divorce, even after the death of his ex-wife, the hatred in his heart did not dissipate, so that he ignored the traditional funeral rites and resolutely opposed his son Kong Bai to mourn his biological mother. It can be seen that in terms of attitude towards his wife, Zisi is particularly narrow-minded. Surprisingly, Zisi's behavior became a rule of the Confucian family, and since then, the descendants of the Confucian family no longer mourn for their mother who was expelled from the family.
The reason why Confucius, Zeng Shen, and Zisi were cold and ruthless to their wives reflected the excessive privileges granted to men by society at that time, as well as the low status of women. The image of the word "female" in the oracle bone inscription depicts a woman kneeling with her hands folded and her legs bent. So, to whom is she kneeling? The answer is undoubtedly the men who hold her destiny in their hands. In those days, society expected women to be docile and obedient. There is a saying in "Etiquette and Mourning Clothes": "A woman has the righteousness of three subordinates, and there is no special way, so she is not married to her father, but she is married to her husband, and her husband is dead to her son." Therefore, the father is the heaven of the son. The husband is also the wife of the day. Since the husband is regarded as the "heaven" of the wife, the wife must be absolutely obedient to the husband, which allows the husband to do as he pleases with his wife. Therefore, although Confucius, Zeng Shen, and Zisi had a cold attitude towards their wives, this was also a privilege granted to them by the ethics and morality of the society at that time. Today, however, social ethics and morality have undergone tremendous changes. From a modern perspective, the attitude of Confucius's master and apprentice towards his wife is clearly impersonal.