"The reason why the child has a problem, seventy or eighty percent of the problems are in the parents, you do a good parent, the child will be good!" I want you to make yourself a qualified parent first, even though I'm not qualified myself, at least we should make an effort. Yu Minhong, member of the National Committee of the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference and chairman and president of New Oriental, said.
yes! We all hope that we can accompany our children to grow up healthy and happy without regrets! But we are also first-time parents, and we will also encounter a lot of confusion and do not know how to do it.
What should I do when my child says he doesn't want to learn? What do you need to do to become a high-scoring parent? What mistakes do parents often make that discourage children from learning? How to make children grow better and be happier and happier...
Let's take a look at Yu Minhong's advice to parents!
1
Achievement cannot be used as the sole measure of success
Human growth is a lifelong thing, and it is definitely not determined by the scores you get in elementary school or college. Please be sure to change the criteria for judging success. A child's high score is one of the criteria for success, but don't take it as an inevitable standard, let alone as the only criterion, otherwise your child will be hurt countless times.
I can give my own example. At the time of the college entrance examination, I did not take the entrance examination in the first year, did not enter the examination in the second year, and only entered the third year. I spent three years fighting with my classmates for a year. When I graduated from Peking University, there were 50 students in our class, and I was the fifth to last in the class, but my grades did not prevent me from making my own career.
2
Parents are always comparing, which will have a great impact on the child
Now, many children have some pressure in their hearts. Parents' comparison will affect the child, the child will compare with each other upside down, after the comparison, the child will be under great pressure, not only the family background, but also compare whether they are wearing well or not, but also better than their own academic performance, the child also has a lot of pressure.
In fact, the key depends on how the parents react. For example, parents react to grades by saying, "You have to get my grades right, you can't lose face for me." "Then the pressure on the child will be even greater."
If parents can tell their children that whether your family background is inferior to others or your grades are not as good as others, it cannot determine your future fate and lifelong happiness, and happiness should be based on some standards, so that at least some of their pressure can be alleviated.
What parents can do is to do their best to relieve their children's stress and emotions, and to maintain their children's enthusiasm for life and the future, which is actually something that most people can't do and is not easy to do.
3
Parents must be in place and able to set an example
The code of conduct is not a parent telling a child that you must learn every day, but a practice of treating people and things in daily life. I think parents have to be in place and be able to set an example.
I once met a mother with her own child, the child is only two years old, just the courier brought something up, the mother said thank you uncle to the child, the child just does not say. The mother said to the child: "It is not okay not to say it, because after people have served us, you don't say thank you, and people will not send things over in the future." “
The child can actually understand, so he goes back and shouts, "Thank you uncle!" "That's the Code of Conduct.
You tell him about such small things, things that seem to be particularly small, but when two, three, five, and ten pieces add up, the child will become very polite and easy to be accepted by the people around him. Once accepted by the people around him, he will have a strong sense of security, his character and character will become more sound, in fact, many small things will become big things.
4
Parents cannot impose an interest on their children
Interest guidance is very important for children, not parents to impose an interest on the child, telling you that you must do this thing, but according to the child's nature, let it become a strong point in their own life. Once he encounters this matter, he will have a sense of accomplishment and existence.
When parents are asking their children to do something, they should consider the following four factors:
First, consider whether the child has potential, not whether the parents want it or not.
Second, consider whether the child likes it himself, and if he likes it, he will be more focused.
Third, it is best for parents not to choose the direction of development that is suitable for their children themselves.
Fourth, in the process, parents should give continuous encouragement and support, and constantly give a sense of achievement, so that children understand the importance of this matter to themselves. When parents and children agree, the child's progress will be greater. At the same time, if the child really does not want to do it, or even cause physical and psychological harm, then the parents should consider terminating this matter.
5
It is important to cultivate the beauty of your child's heart
When I gave a speech to parents, I once said that we parents are very busy, but we always have leisurely times, what do you do when you are idle?
How many people have ever sat on a lake or in an open rural field on a full moon night with their children and looked at the moon?
How many parents have taken their children to lie on a grassy field without city lights to see the stars in the sky, and tell their children where the Milky Way is, which Vega star is and which Star North Star is?
How many parents take their children to their farms to eat native chickens on weekends, but also take their children to identify various crops and learn their growth cycles?
Life is to give people a kind of confidence, to give people a feeling, to give people a kind of beauty.
6
What parents call planning for their children
It's about stuffing the child in a "jar."
I personally believe that the so-called planning of many parents for their children is not a kind of planning, it is a kind of coercion, very cruel to stuff their children into a jar and grow up according to the requirements of parents.
This reflects a mentality that because you are my child, I am qualified to plan your happiness, plan your actions, plan your future, everything I do is to make you better, with such a very grand reason to tell our children, you have to listen to me.
The mentality of parents just forgets one thing, that is, to give people freedom, to develop his space according to his own growth factors, to let him release his creativity, imagination and hobbies, which is actually more important than anything.
7
Success is simple
A job you like, a person you like
We raise children, and the parents are anxious mainly because they want their children's living conditions to be better. But he forgot whether the child's living conditions were good or bad, in fact, it was combined with his own hobbies.
Even if a person makes a lot of money, but every day he does work like being enslaved, gives you a lot of money, and you are not necessarily willing to do it.
If you take less money, but you like this thing, I think it is also very good, the amount of money has nothing to do with the quality of personal work.
If a person has a positive and sunny mentality, even if he sweeps the garbage every day, he is very happy.
The garbage workers I saw on the Canadian roads were driving the garbage truck past, humming songs, dragging the garbage cans, and dancing joyfully, and I felt that this state of life was what I wanted.
I think people's survival is not so complicated, many people just want to get ahead all day long, so they make survival a lot more complicated.
8
The process is always more important than the result
Many parents, there is a relatively big problem is that there is an excellent line in the heart, if the full box is 100 points, many of our parents set this line may be 90 points.
Therefore, when the child comes back from each exam and only gets a score of less than 90 points, parents will express various dissatisfactions, even if they do not scold the child, their faces will change.
In fact, for the child, the result of how high the score is is actually not important, what matters is whether he has made an effort in the process, whether he has worked hard for the result he wants to achieve.
Once, my son was very unhappy, I said how unhappy, what happened? He didn't say it at first.
I said, well, let's do the exercise and take a walk. He finally told me that I would take the math exam next week, because I didn't do well last time, and I was under a lot of pressure and afraid that I wouldn't do well in the exam.
I said, Dad has too many uncertain things in the face of the future, if I am worried about an exam like you, then I will frown every day, right? So be sure to be happy, because the result has not yet come.
What I care about is whether you put in enough effort.
If you're playing all day long these days, playing games every day, and then the final exam results are not good, and you're not happy, I think it's your fault because you didn't put in the effort before that.
But if you start to review your math problems carefully from now on, and still fail the exam, Dad will be very happy, why? Because I see the process of your effort.
9
Parents make these mistakes
It will make the child lose interest in learning
First, arrange learning content for children regardless of their hobbies.
Many parents have arranged various cram classes for their children, and the children's time is simply not enough, except to destroy the physical and mental health of the children and eliminate the children's interest in learning, there is no effect.
There is a downside to an overdose of anything. Desperate to stuff things into him, so that the child will lose interest in everything.
Second, regardless of the specific situation, put forward requirements that the child cannot meet at all.
Many parents keep telling their children that in the future you will go to Tsinghua and you will go to Yale in the future.
Putting forward such a high ideal for the child will become a lifelong burden for the child. If he finally finds that he cannot fulfill the wishes given to him by his parents, it is bound to cause lifelong unhappiness and even harm, so we cannot casually make a request for the child that cannot be met at all.
Third, chatter and accuse.
"Mom and Dad have spent so much money, why can't you learn it now?" Many parents teach their children to either nag or criticize.
Really powerful parents in the child to follow the rules of the matter, usually a look in the child knows what to do. In the matter of learning, it is usually used to guide children to face setbacks in learning with warm means and move forward again.
Fourth, if you don't communicate with your child emotionally, you put all kinds of pressure on your child.
Parental oppressive communication will inevitably cause the child's closed consciousness, the child's communication with society will become weaker, and this social integration will become lacking. How we communicate with children in an equal and respectful way is a matter that parents need to consider.
Finally, often emotionally out of control, and children blush and lose prestige.
I have never seen a parent who often turns his face with his child have real prestige in the child's mind, and a parent with prestige is to reason with his child, and the child especially knows how to cooperate with the parents.
10
I have three criteria for high grades for parents in my heart
First of all, the emotional stability of parents cultivates a sense of security for children's daily behavior, and the more insecure children are, the less likely they are to face the world.
We always think that when the child is very small and does not understand things, the parents quarrel has no impact, but in fact, the child has the ability to observe the color from birth, and the parents quarrel will leave a psychological shadow on the child. When the family is harmonious, the child's growth will naturally be less problematic.
Secondly, when the child is very young, there should be some rules that need to be practiced for a lifetime, including eating habits, etiquette, and how to get along with parents. These will not only help children form good character traits, but also help to cultivate children's methodical thinking and action.
Finally, it is also necessary to cultivate children's reading spirit. Reading does not mean learning culture lessons, but reading with your child so that he understands the joy of reading. Cultivate children's curiosity, pursuit and desire for knowledge.
Doing these three things is basically a high-scoring parent. If there is also a plus, it is the companionship of true feelings, such as taking your children on outings, sports, attending concerts, and so on.
There is now an educational concept of "natural nurturing", and natural nurturing is not the same as letting go, just like leaving the greenhouse and planting seeds in the forest does not mean that we do not take care of it. To give children enough time and space to grow, but to grasp the importance of the direction of growth, this is the responsibility and mission of future parents.
15 words for all parents!
1. Let your child develop a good habit, which is something that can benefit him for life.
2. Cultivate children's love for the world, starting from cultivating children's aesthetic ability to the world.
3. Truly excellent parents know how to cultivate the beauty of their children's humanity.
4. Good education is to let children learn to preset in advance.
5. In the process of growing up, it is necessary for children to have an artistic specialty.
6. A child's physical and mental health is inseparable from insisting on exercise.
7. If you can, be sure to take your child to walk the world.
8. It doesn't matter if the exam is not good, the most important thing is that you can still maintain self-confidence in the last place.
9. When people are always confused, I am already confused to the age of 56 and still confused.
10. In fact, every child is a good child, the key is whether you can cultivate well.
11. To be a person who can be willing to do good things for others is a self-disciplined person.
12 No amount of wealth passed on to the child by a parent will work, and you must pass on the character to the child.
13. The attitude towards your child will always be the attitude that your child will face you in the future.
14. Parents who can really control their children are calm on the surface, but they still keep their children in awe in their hearts.
15. If you want your child to develop a good habit, it is better to let parents develop their own good habits first.