Parents often ask me how to discipline their children effectively, and even more so, parents always want their children to be obedient. But the result is always counterproductive, the more the so-called discipline, the more the child is disgusted to the extreme, the more he wants the child to obey, but the child is partial to confrontation.
Why is this happening?
I would like to tell parents and friends that "discipline" and "obedience" are actually not in line with our educational laws. Therefore, in practice, it is inevitable to touch the nail. Maybe parents will ask: So what do we do right? Here, Teacher Zhang Jian wants to tell parents and friends that letting go of children is the best support for children's growth.
Why? Because parents want their children to be able to walk on the road, who wants to see their children tripping on the road?
As a result, many parents can't help but plan for their children's future, but forget that this is their child's own life. If parents do not let go and intervene in the child's world, then as a parent, you will often unconsciously transfer the pressures you face in life to your child, which is the reason why parents care too much for their children. Many parents see their children as a continuation of their own lives and always make various demands on their children with their parents as self-centered. Under the excessive care of their parents, the private space of the soul is always in a state of being occupied and filled, and they will find ways to seek liberation. Among them, some people will act rebellious and completely deny the love of their parents; others will compromise in the discipline of their parents, become overly dependent on their parents, and their ability to judge and choose is weakening day by day.
In fact, when parents perform the duty of love in the children's growth school, they should guide more and restrain less, and give the child a relaxed spiritual growth environment. Be a mentor in the child's life, guide without indoctrination, encourage the child to do what he can; when encountering a choice that the child needs to face independently, he should dare to let go and give the decision to the child. When children enjoy the freedom given by their parents, they will slowly strengthen their correct behavior and correct their wrong behavior.
So I hope that parents will learn to try to think from the child's point of view, maintain an appropriate psychological distance from the child, and do not interfere too much. Children should be treated as independent living individuals, able to communicate with children on an equal footing, so that they have more autonomy and learn to manage themselves.
Finally, I would like to tell parents and friends that the child's world is colorful, we do not need to measure the child with the eyes of adults, we do not need to use the standard of adults to ask children, all we need to do is: to learn to let go of children, but not to let go, let alone indulge.