Two days ago Coco and the next door sister played together, two people because of a toy began to argue, and finally grabbed up, because the toy is cocoa, the sister wanted to take it over to play, cocoa did not let, the result of the little sister slapped on the face of Coco, she began to "wow wow" crying, the little sister was also frightened, quickly returned the toy to her.
In fact, when two people play together, you often compete with me, most of the time Coco is beaten, and there are also times when you take the initiative to beat your sister. The neighbor said: "My sister is naughty, the old bully Coco, several times I don't want her to play with Coco for fear that she will beat her sister."
She said that she had been educated many times, and the truth had been told, coaxed, beaten, and scolded, but she still did not have a long memory. Last time I beat up a 3-year-old brother. It really embarrassed her.
In fact, 2 to 4 years old children "hit people" is not the real sense of the fight, but do not know how to face the sudden change, this stage of the baby has a strong sense of order in their own minds, such as habits of everything according to their own ideas, but two or three babies of the same age stay together, there will be a lot of "emergencies".
For example: I'm having a good time there, you have to come over and grab my toys, I want to play with you, but you don't want to. When the strong sense of order in his brain is destroyed, the child is very angry, and when the angry emotion rushes to the amygdala region of the brain, the child who is only two or three years old will not explain and express, and can only beat people, trying to satisfy his own ideas by hitting people.
But many parents feel that their children are too ignorant. Hit someone else's child at every turn, or be beaten by someone else's child at every turn. Sometimes let your face "hang up", is the child really hopeless, is it a "bad" child who does not understand politeness?
First, why do children hit people?
In fact, Montessori theory believes that 2-3-year-old children have several special sensitive periods, during which parents should properly meet and understand their children, do not easily give them "labels", children learn to socialize in the fight, understand the ideas of others, and really grow.
1. Sensitive period of hand
You will find that when your baby reaches the age of 1, his small hands become more and more flexible, and the development of fine movements is gradually perfected. She loves to play with toys and explore the world around her. If he wants to play with toys, you won't let him play with them, he will get angry, and may throw toys to express dissatisfaction; if he wants to move an object, when you don't let him move, he will cry, and when he doesn't know how to express it, he will punch and kick, or even drop things.
2. Sensitive period of property rights
Sun Ruixue pointed out in "Capturing Children's Sensitive Period" that when a child is about 2 years old, with the development of self-awareness, he will begin to have a private consciousness, will pay special attention to his ownership of items, and think that everything is "mine".
Coco for a while felt that the toys at home are hers, others can not grab, once the sister took her toys, she will cry, will also try to grab it, the result of the sister will hit, the two people will also hit each other, began to wow wow crying.
Because they are both more than 2 years old and are at the same stage, they have either cried for a long time or their sisters have cried.
Children who enter the sensitive period of property rights will be particularly sensitive once their belongings are touched by others. Montessori said: The essence of sensitive education is actually the education of love.
So at this time, it is more necessary for parents to understand and tolerate, do not blindly blame the baby for not being polite, to share, obviously their toys have been robbed, but you are on the side and say: "Give her your toys to play for a while." Your child will think you're going to take his toys away like everyone else. It wasn't that they didn't want to share, it was just that they were afraid that the item would no longer belong to him.
3. Get attention by hitting people
Many parents with two children will find that when you get close to one of them, the other will become irritable or hit the other because he thinks you have robbed Mom and Dad of their love.
And he expresses his dissatisfaction by hitting people, or maybe you will notice him when he hits people. If parents often praise other children in front of their children, which stimulates the child's inner sense of humiliation, they will directly attack other children.
For example, the sister of the door is more than 40 days older than Coco, and in some aspects she is really better than Coco, and the mother-in-law will say: "The sister is awesome, you have to learn from the sister." Saying too much, Coco felt that grandma did not like her, liked her sister, strong contrast made her very aggrieved, so when her sister came to play, she did not want to share the toy with her, sometimes when her sister grabbed the toy she would hit her.
Several times in her dreams she muttered, "Sister, my toys don't play with you, you don't want to rob my toys." Every time I hear it, it is very sad, and the child is always afraid of robbing his own things subconsciously, so he has said this several times in his dreams.
Second, how should children be guided when they hit people?
1, a little more respect, a little less complaining
At this stage (2-4 years old) children, is in a sensitive period, hitting people is also a normal phenomenon, if your child appears, do not make a fuss, do not randomly label the child as "ignorant". Respect your child's stage characteristics and don't always complain.
The first is the "property rights awareness" stage, if the child does not want to share toys, do not force. You can divide different toys into different toys, play with each other, and do not interfere with each other. A lot of the interruptions start with parents having to share, or children competing for the same toy.
Secondly, if it can't be avoided, the child has been beaten and beaten, which is also a good opportunity to exercise. He is imitating the behavior of others, at least showing that the child knows how to fight back when he is wronged, and does not have to make a fuss without much harm.
2. Create more opportunities for boys and girls to play together
The principle of "same-sex repulsion, heterosexual attraction" is also used in children. You will find little boys playing with little boys and it's easy to clash. Little girls play with little girls, and there will also be friction.
But it would be much better if a little boy played with a little girl. Not only is there less friction, but they are also relatively harmonious.
In a book on children's development at Yale University for 40 years, experts suggested to parents that after extensive observation, it was easier for two boys and girls around 2 years old to share toys when they played together.
I also found this problem in Coco, who prefers to share toys with her little brother rather than her little sister when she plays with her little boy.
3. Take more children to play with children
Many times the problem of the child is not terrible, it depends on how the parents respond. Let the child play with the children, and play with multiple children. Let the children solve problems together, and in the fight, the children learn how to get along with others, and understand the concepts of respect, compromise, concessions, fairness and so on. Only then can you learn how to share and live in harmony with them.
Montessori said: The essence of sensitive education is actually the education of love.
4, parents do not make a mistake demonstration
Children 2-4 years old is very susceptible to environmental influences, but also easy to imitate, if the parents are very violent or love to yell, quarrel or even fight, the child is most likely a grumpy, love to scold, love to beat people. Because of the influence of the long-term environment and the child's innate super imitation, the parents' every move has been engraved in the child's mind.
So how you treat him, he treats you the way he treats you. If the child is wrong, parents should not directly reprimand and hit the child, but should understand more.
An American child counselor once said, "Children who need love the most often ask for love in the least lovable way." ”
Children who love to beat people are often the ones who need love. For example, if you have two children at home, you will find that the old man beats the second son, perhaps because the parents pay more attention to the second brother and ignore his feelings.
Therefore, it is not terrible to have problems, and it is more critical for parents to treat them correctly. Have a little more respect and understanding for children at this stage and accompany them to grow up slowly.