Xiaomei loves to eat sugar, always taking advantage of her parents not paying attention to herself to secretly take sugar from the sugar box to eat, her mother saw it and said loudly: "Xiaomei don't eat sugar, eating polysaccharide is not good for teeth." Who knew that the mother did not say that it was okay, but it was to wake up Xiaomei, she quickly grabbed a handful of fudge and stuffed it in her mouth, and looked at her mother with a proud face.
If Xiaomei is still just a problem of correcting personal behavior habits, then Xiaoming's problem involves personal safety. The recently 4-year-old Xiaoming suddenly fell in love with the game of chasing on the road, and on both crossings, he would suddenly break free of his parents' hands and then run quickly. The parents were shocked and quickly chased after them, and Xiaoming saw that someone was chasing and having more fun, and laughed.
The parents specifically reprimanded Xiaoming for this, pointing out that it was dangerous to do so, but he said with great vigour: "As long as you catch up with me, I will not run." "Xiaoming's mother talked about this matter, feeling very tricky, blindly conniving is definitely not OK, but as soon as the parents open their mouths, the child will make trouble, often referring to the east and the west, the south and the north." The more you don't let him do anything, the more he has to do it, as if he wants to oppose his parents.
Why is it that the more parents prohibit it, the more enthusiastic the child is?
In the process of children growing up, many parents feel that preschool is the most difficult to educate, and in the eyes of parents, babies at this age are very disobedient. Sometimes the more parents say children, the more children like to go in the opposite direction, parents "the more they say not to do", the more children have to do, no way, parents have to say it again, caught in an infinite cycle.
In fact, this phenomenon is caused by the following three reasons:
1. Driven by curiosity
During the implementation of Prohibition in the United States, the sales of black market alcohol are on the rise, and the more prohibited things are, the more they can arouse people's curiosity, which is the "forbidden fruit effect" in psychology. The same is true for children, and things that parents explicitly prohibit will stimulate children's strong curiosity and will often be put into action to try.
Perhaps the child's original idea is not so strong, but the repeated resistance of the parents has ignited his curiosity, and the hunger and thirst for forbidden things have made the baby dissuade himself again and again and insist on going his own way. Curiosity and rebellion, so parents will say more and more ineffective, the more said the more outrageous the child does.
2. Attract the attention of parents
People say that "children who cry have milk to drink", so many children do not despise being good children, but from an early age, they love to attract the attention of parents in the way of "being a demon" and "tossing". In the child's world, the concept of right and wrong is still relatively new, and "effective" is the ultimate goal they want to achieve.
If they do something that the parents forbid, they can attract the parents' strong attention, even if it is blame, the child will feel that the goal has been achieved. When "blame becomes another kind of concern," parents should pay special attention to whether they have snubbed their children and what kind of signals the children are sending when they do this.
3. Order sensitive period
Children from 1 to 4 years old are in a sensitive period of order, and they have more sensitivity and persistence than ordinary people in the maintenance of order. Not only do they demand that they do so, but they also demand that those around them obey his sense of "rules." For example, when she sees her parents washing clothes, she must pour the washing powder, although she sprinkles everywhere, she still insists.
Children in the sensitive period of order are often labeled by parents as "stubborn" and "disobedient", which is actually a manifestation of the child's strong maintenance of the inherent order, and parents do not blindly accuse, but respect the child's sense of order, and improve or transfer on this basis.
How to jump out of the dead cycle of "babies and parents against each other"?
Parents give orders, the child is not only deaf, but also in the opposite direction to do, parents helpless, repeatedly emphasize the prohibition of children to do things, but the baby has become extremely excited and stubborn, or intact according to their own ideas, into a dead cycle. How to jump out of such an endless cycle, the following 6 tricks, parents can learn.
1. Transfer stimulants
Particularly young children have limited cognitive abilities, their judgment skills are not so well developed, and there is no clear concept of whether it is beneficial or harmful. Some things that parents explicitly forbid, such as sugar cubes, are normal for children to want to take as long as they see them.
For young children, the best way is to transfer the stimulus and not let the child see it, so that the child can avoid or greatly reduce the child from doing forbidden things, and do not need parents to talk more.
2. Provide more choices
When the child has only one choice, it is difficult for you to let him give up, and the probability of him choosing "want" between "want" and "don't" is extremely high. Conversely, if parents can provide two or more choices at the same time and ask their child "which one", when he has the right to choose, the degree of cooperation will be high.
3. Give the baby the opportunity to participate
Whether it is the child rushing to wash clothes and washing clothes, or emphasizing his use of chopsticks and forks to eat, it is a manifestation of the budding of his autonomous consciousness. In order to save trouble, many parents simply forbid these behaviors of their children, almost everything about their children, and in turn accuse their children of always grabbing this and that.
Parents should create more opportunities for their children to participate, leaving some space for their children to complete. He may not be perfect, but it will certainly reduce the chances of "rebellion".
4. Use less rhetorical questions and negative sentences
For preschool children, their logical thinking is not very perfect, parents use rhetorical questions, denial of such sentences, will make children misunderstood, so the behavior will also be biased. For example, parents say in a rhetorical tone: "Do you think it is better to go to bed without finishing your meal?" The message received by the child was "Don't eat, go straight to sleep", so he threw down the dishes and chopsticks and lay down.
In this case, parents tend to be angry, in fact, it is not necessary, the child's understanding level is limited, and parents overestimate their children. Parents should put forward their own requirements in the form of affirmative sentences, directly telling their children "what to do", rather than "what not to do", simple and clear, children can understand, naturally willing to cooperate.
5, let go and let the baby "go crazy" again
Sometimes parents remind a hundred times, but the child still does not enter the oil and salt, the left ear listens to the right ear, then the parent may wish to "indulge" the child once, let the child experience the consequences, he can "recognize the reality" and take the initiative to give up resistance.
Jia Hong's son is very naughty, and the work of "persuading sleep" every night is extremely difficult. Once, Jia Hong simply let the child play casually, did not stop him from going crazy, and slept on his own when he was tired. The child was very happy and played until 11 o'clock in the evening before going to sleep. The next day he went to kindergarten listless all day, felt very tired, and when he came back, he took the initiative to say to his mother that "I must go to bed early in the future", the opposite is true, and sometimes the effect is very good.
6. Create a fair environment
In families with many children, parents must treat them equally and not treat their children differently. If one of the children makes a mistake and the parents do not punish, then the other children will follow suit, creating a fair environment, which is to reduce the role of "bad examples".
Not only children, but also for families, if children are not allowed to play mobile phones, watch TV, eat more sugar, parents are best to do it at the same time, so that it is convincing, and children are more willing to cooperate. Unilateral demands will only provoke greater rebellious behavior in children.
If you don't want to waste your tongue and save time and effort to solve the phenomenon of children deliberately opposing, the above 6 methods, try to do it.