Coming home to dinner with friends in the New Year, and seeing her come alone, I asked her why her boyfriend didn't come with her?
My friend's words surprised me, and she replied, "Divided." ”
Maybe I wouldn't be surprised to hear about the breakup, but for her, my reaction was different.
I asked her, "Aren't you very emotionally stable?" And he has always been very good to you, how can he be divided? ”
She said: "It turned out that he was indeed obedient to me, but now I don't know why, he doesn't even want to say a word to me, let alone sweet words."
Over time, our feelings become weaker and weaker, and we are naturally divided. ”
My friend then asked me, "You say that the person who once loved you so much said that it has changed?" ”
As for the question of friends, I would like to say, where is the change in the relationship that suddenly occurs?
The other party must have been premeditated, but you didn't find out.
Tell me about my friend Lulu.
Lulu and her boyfriend are high school classmates, but they did not fall in love in high school, but Lulu started the relationship in college.
The two of them fell in love three years ago, when they found each other's numbers in the QQ space by chance and got in touch.
Because the two had a good feeling for each other before, plus they were single at that time, they naturally had a relationship.
At the beginning of the relationship, the boy was very good to Lulu, and he was almost obedient to Lulu.
As long as Lulu's request was not unreasonable, he would basically agree.
One of the times I was more impressed was when Lulu was a junior, when the boy was working in Shanghai, and the two of them were still quite far away.
Lulu and the other party said that she wanted to see him now, and he agreed without thinking about it, and immediately began to take leave to book tickets.
But because the time was too tight, the tickets for the day were already sold out, and he could only buy the earliest bus the next day.
To wait for the car, he spent the night in an internet café next to the train station.
The next day he went directly to Lulu's school to find Lulu, and after meeting him, he hurried back the next day.
Usually, he was reluctant to buy things for himself, and would save money to buy gifts for Lulu and take her out on a trip.
I was joking with Lulu that she had only met such a boyfriend in her previous life after saving the galaxy.
Lulu said that this kind of goodness probably lasted for about a year and a half.
From the beginning of the conversation for nearly two years, the other party began to be less attentive, she was angry, and the boyfriend would not take the initiative to say good things to coax her.
Not to mention some of the demands she made, but after all, the feelings were still there, so he usually said it to himself.
Until later, he gradually did not even want to say anything.
Every day when he came back from work, he played games, and even Lulu saw him chatting with other girls and contacting his ex-girlfriend.
But for what Lulu found, the other party did not bother to explain.
In the end, the relationship that had been talked about for three years ended at the moment when Lulu could not bear it.
You may not understand after watching Lulu's experience, once he was so good to Lulu, why didn't he even want to say anything later?
I believe that not only Lulu has had this experience, but some girls have had similar experiences.
It was because the other party was obedient to him that I interacted with him.
Later, it was found that he was getting worse and worse at himself than before, but he just didn't know why?
In fact, at first I loved it, but then I was cold, which is nothing more than these reasons.
01
Tired of the relationship
Everything in this world has a shelf life, and so are feelings.
In the beginning, due to the freshness, he may love you very much, and he will agree to whatever you ask.
But over time, when the freshness faded, he had no motivation to pay.
Just like Lulu and her boyfriend, when the two people met again, the other party felt that it was difficult to meet again, and should cherish this hard-won opportunity and fate, so be as good as possible to Lulu.
But after a long time together, especially after the two of them lived together for another year.
In this year, they basically understand each other very thoroughly, and naturally there is no sense of mystery and freshness.
Coupled with the fact that a person will become more and more tired of continuous giving, Lulu's boyfriend will not start to pay as much as before.
02
No more love
We do not rule out another possibility, a boy who was very good to you at first, and then later became not willing to give at all, in fact, he did not love.
Love or not love, we may not be able to judge from words, but we can clearly feel it from his behavior.
When he loves you, he can't wait to pluck the stars from the sky and give them to you.
But once he doesn't love you anymore, even your presence, he will feel superfluous, not to mention that he is good to you.
There may be girls who do not understand, how can a person's love be so easily lost?
Is his original love all fake?
His original love for you may be really love, and the promise he said was also what he really wanted to achieve for you in that state of mind at that time, but these were only then.
Man will become, so love will become.
At that time, he loved you, so he was willing to be good to you, and now that love is slowly gone, he doesn't want to be nice to you anymore.
03
Encountered a better object
Of course, it is not excluded that he has met a better object, and this girl is better than you in all aspects, and he chose the other party after comprehensive consideration.
People are creatures that seek advantage and avoid harm, and they tend to make choices that are beneficial to themselves.
When he has a girl around him who is much better than the current one, if he is not very fond of the current, he is likely to choose the girl with better conditions.
I once saw a news that the girl in the news had beaten her boyfriend seven times, and thought that her boyfriend would marry her, only to find that her boyfriend had secretly married a rich woman behind her back.
Later, she recalled that it was no wonder that he was becoming more and more indifferent to himself, and usually said that he was busy.
It turned out that he was not busy, but busy with other girls.
04
Found inappropriate in the process of getting along
Why do boys get so nice to us in the first place?
Because at that time he saw all our strengths and automatically ignored our shortcomings, so in their eyes, we were almost perfect.
But as they spend more time together, they slowly discover that we also have shortcomings in us, and even many shortcomings that they can't stand.
If they can't accept these shortcomings, and we can't change them, then the boys will feel that they are not suitable for us.
And once this feeling of inappropriate psychology becomes heavier and heavier, he will begin to think about whether the relationship is still worth his efforts, and can it go on?
With such a Fa, how can he willingly give it to you?
05
Delay in getting a response from the other side
Feelings are mutual giving, and the couples we see whose relationships have always been stable must be giving to each other, understanding each other, and it is impossible for only one party to give and one side to take.
And if in a relationship, only one party is giving, and the other party is not responding, the giving party will be tired.
And when the person who has been paying finds that the other party has not responded, and feels that his own good is deserved, he will gradually be disappointed, and the disappointment will accumulate to a certain extent, and he will die.
Honey, you know, there is no such thing as sudden insanity, just that you suddenly know.
So we must not put all the bets on the boy, thinking that he will love you for a lifetime, he will hurt you for a lifetime.
Even they don't dare to guarantee it, so how can we be sure?
What we should do is respond to him when he is nice to us.
But he won't put everything in the future on him, because once he wants to let go, we will lose everything.
Therefore, it is okay to be good to him, but you must put your mind on yourself, keep the sustenance to yourself, and you must know that no one can rely on you except yourself.
Author | Nancy Anhui University master of translation, through the ministry of personnel third-level translation, in-depth research in the field of gender emotions, good at finding problems from emotions and solving problems, so that more people are aware, become a better self.