Every parent wants their child to be the best, but not every parent will educate their children, and some parents will have some personality defects, such as "flattering" personality, and some people may ask: What is the "flattering" personality?
As the name suggests, it is to blindly please the personality of others, which is an unhealthy behavior pattern.
Blindly sacrificing their own interests to please others, such people are very tired to live, although they look very kind, but often suffer losses in many things. What should I do if I don't want my child to develop a flattering personality?
The 3 sentences that parents often say when they are angry are taking away their children's sense of security and are easy to cultivate a flattering personality
First, you are too bad, stupid like a pig
Kobayashi is my classmate from junior high school, the relationship between us is very good, now Kobayashi suffers from a slight flattering personality, when she was in junior high school, she suffered from a serious flattering personality, pleasing classmates, teachers and other people, every time others do not want to be on duty, will let her help, she does not know how to refuse, has been helping others, many classmates behind her back said that she is good bully, has been bullying her.
I had a pretty good relationship with her, and during one peptological class, the two of us were chatting and she told me why she was a flattering personality.
Kobayashi's father is very patriarchal, dissatisfied with Kobayashi's birth, often angry with Kobayashi's mother, sometimes he even beats Kobayashi and Kobayashi's mother, Kobayashi's mother often protects her, which leads to her mother being beaten very badly, Xiaolin is very distressed about her mother.
Kobayashi's father was dissatisfied with her being a girl, Kobayashi would scold her when he failed an exam: "You are too bad, stupid like a pig, you should not be born", in order not to let the father scold himself and beat his mother, Kobayashi became very well-behaved, she began to please her father, took the initiative to do housework, and when her father got slippers for her father after work, over time, she began to become a flattering personality, and she would unconsciously please everyone.
Now that she has graduated from college, she has left that family and has her own happy family, and her flattering personality has a certain relief, but it is not completely cured, and she still sometimes pleases others.
When parents educate their children, saying some words to their children may be to motivate their children, but some words may make children feel inferior and easy for children to appear flattering personality.
Second, I don't want you anymore
I saw a message the other day: How does it feel when a child hears the phrase "I don't want you anymore"?
I remembered that when I was a child, when my parents said, "I don't want you anymore," I would be afraid from the bottom of my heart, afraid that my parents really didn't want me, but my parents rarely said this, unless I was angry with them, in my memory, they said this twice, but at that time I felt uncomfortable in my heart for a long time, afraid that they didn't want me.
Parents to the child said: "I don't want you", we know that this sentence is to intimidate the child, but the child does not understand, they may feel that the parents really do not want themselves, which will make the child become insecure, in order not to let the parents abandon themselves, they will become very well-behaved, become the parents want the child to please the parents.
Third, others will not like you like you
There is a mother who once consulted me on how to educate her children, she said that her children have some flattering personality, because she usually uses "you like others will not like you" to educate children, children do wrong things or children do things that do not go well with her heart, she will say this sentence, let the child follow her ideas, because often say this sentence, the child does become well-behaved, but the child has no consciousness, follow her arrangement, has been pleasing her.
Parents often tell their children: you are like this others will not like you, such words will make the child very hurt, the child loves the parents very much, if the parents say that they do not like them, they will be very hurt, so as to please the parents, so that the parents do not hate them.
Good character has a great influence on a person, a person's character can determine a person's life, and character is the essence that a person cannot see.