Many parents like to intimidate their children, and when their children are disobedient, they will say: If you do this again, I will not want you; if you do this again, I will beat you; if you do this again, let me get out! When you say this, you are happy, but have you ever thought that it actually has an effect when you say this? Is your child acceptable?
01
Does "intimidation" really work?
The situation of parents "intimidating" their children is actually very common in our daily lives.
The famous professor "Tiger Mother" Cai Mei'er once mentioned that when she was educating her daughter, she had such an embarrassing thing.
She is very strict with her two daughters, in addition to having particularly good grades, she also has to practice every day according to the regulations. The eldest daughter is more obedient, but the younger daughter is very rebellious.
Once she asked her younger daughter to practice, but her younger daughter refused. She threatened her daughter, "If you won't practice, I'll throw you outside." ”
It was very cold outside, and her daughter was wearing very little, and she thought that her daughter would be soft in doing so.
But unexpectedly, the daughter's stubborn temper came up, and she got into a bar, and really went out the door by herself.
No matter how strict the mother is after all, Cai Mei'er can't bear to see her daughter frozen, so she has to take the initiative to give in to her daughter, "It seems that you already know that you are wrong, you come back."
Even if the "intimidation" of the child is temporarily effective, the child is not convinced, but only hinders the majesty of the parents and has to give in, and sooner or later there will be a day of rebound.
Of course, if you have a child who is as stubborn as Cai Mei'er's daughter, I am afraid that it will not have any effect at all.
02
"Intimidation" is prone to negative effects
First, make the child feel inferior.
Mom and Dad often scold their children, plus some demeaning language, such as: "You are not as good as xx children..." and the like,
Saying this will not have any effect, but only make the child think that he is inferior to others, so that the child gives up on himself and has an inferiority complex.
What the child could have done well, but deliberately did not do it or even destroyed it. When such children grow up, they are afraid of doing things, timid and afraid of things, and their sense of inferiority is particularly strong.
Second, make the child feel fearful.
Here we should solemnly remind parents that children before the age of 3 must not play,
You think that the child before the age of 3 is in a state of ignorance of many things, and his nerves are not yet fully developed.
Scolding and intimidation has exceeded the child's ability to bear, making the child extremely nervous, fearful, and heavy will cause mental illness.
Third, make the child feel abandoned.
Parents often scold and intimidate their children, and often say to their children, "If you don't obey anymore, you won't be wanted" and other such words.
Parents only scare the child's words, but the child will believe it,
It will keep them in a nervous and fearful heart for a long time, and they will feel abandoned by their parents at any time. This can cause depression in the child's personality.
Fourth, make the child have a rebellious heart.
There are some children with very stubborn personalities, parents let him go east he wants to go west, let him do what he does not do, love to resist, hit the body and do not yield, this "sharp" is to a large extent played,
The more your parents use force against him, the more he will use the way of prudence to confront you, and the rebellious psychology is particularly strong. Some parents think that if you are disobedient, I will beat you up, but I don't know that the child's "sharpening" you hit more and more seriously.
Fifth, make the child have the psychology of revenge.
Often scold children, smaller children generally do not produce hatred, older children are teenagers if they are often scolded, children will gradually alienate their parents in their hearts as they grow older, and even develop hatred.
03
How to guide your child correctly?
1. Do not directly attack the child himself
"You're so rude!" "You're going to lie!" "You really can't learn well!" ......
This kind of words is to attack the child itself, to define the child's label, it is easy to let the child break the jar and break it, and arouse the child's rebellious psychology.
"You think I'm not polite, I don't have the courtesy to show you", "You say I'm not learning material, I won't give you a good study", "You think I don't have a word of truth in the innermost part, then I can cheat as much as I can"...
2. Give gentle guidance to your child's behavior
At this time, we need to change the way of expression, to say to the child, "This behavior of flipping through other people's things is very impolite, and your mother tells you that when you want to move other people's things, you must seek the owner's opinion".
"Mom and Dad know that you also want to answer this type of question correctly, and if you are more careful, you will definitely be more familiar with it."
"It is impolite for you to behave in class, and the teacher wants you to respect the class and the students in the class, and if there is a problem, we will communicate after class."
This statement is to tell the child that we have no hostility and negative attitude towards the child himself, but only put forward a negative attitude towards his behavior and tell the child the correct way to deal with it. Things are easy to settle on a case-by-case basis.
3. If you are "intimidating", don't say it easily
Parents often say "intimidating" words, which will bring shadows to children's childhood, make children feel insecure, this problem will accompany children for a lifetime, and it is difficult to avoid in children's life path and family life.
On the contrary, children who are often caressed and whispered by their parents will be full of happiness, gentle and tolerant, full of satisfaction, and life will be much smoother.