What's the secret to keeping a relationship going? It's comfort, which means that when a man is with you, he feels comfortable, not oppressive. Then naturally this relationship will last a long time and can eat and live with him for a long time.
There are too high expectations and psychological expectations, in fact, in the relationship, there is often a kind of psychology, all the time using our standards, frameworks, asking each other, considering each other, many people will think, he loves me should give me money? He loves me and should come and pick me up? He loves me and he should cook for me, and many people will have such a law.
Do you have any laws on these? If your expectations are too high, when he is not satisfied, you may make a fuss and produce negative emotions. I told you an actual case, I had a trainee consultation, she told me, she said that she sent a message to her boyfriend in the afternoon, until twelve o'clock in the evening did not return, she really can't help it, she sent a message to the other party said: If you want to break up, please say it directly!
If you stand in the other person's point of view, you will feel, you are sick, when did I say that I was going to break up, but in her heart of various analyses, she will feel that she has not replied to my message for so long? It doesn't matter if I don't, it seems you want to break up, a mental operation, someone else may be busy to death, so he is innocent.
Excessive psychological expectations and expectations will lead to your discomfort, uncomfortable you may go to make trouble, to show this insecurity, then the other party feels oppression, so want to be long-term, eat and live a man's key point is four words: reduce expectations!
Let me give you another example, for example, between husband and wife, your menstrual period is very uncomfortable today, you hope that as soon as you get home, your husband will be able to come up and give you a hug, tell your wife that you are not easy, and then cook a cup of brown sugar water for you, and then cook for you in the evening, serve you, your ideal is like this.
But the reality is, open the door and your husband came to say, what to eat tonight? I am so uncomfortable today, you actually let me cook, all kinds of possibilities will quarrel, quarrel your husband may feel, you are sick, inexplicable! But from your point of view, it is because your expectations are too high, you think you are not comfortable today, your husband should cook for you, but he does not, so at this time, we have to lower our expectations and express them to each other.
Let me give you another real-life example, two days ago there was a student who was a teacher, she said she broke up with her boyfriend, I said why did you break up? She said it was because on Teacher's Day, the man didn't give her any indication. And I said, what's that? She said that Teacher's Day is such an important day, he actually did not express anything to me, nor did he send me flowers, I said you are a teacher, of course, Teacher's Day is important, people may not know, so you see, your expectations are very high, you hope he will send you flowers to show all kinds of expressions, but from his point of view, he does not know at all, the two people broke up after a quarrel.
In fact, you can say that I did not receive your blessing on Teacher's Day, I still feel very lost, you express this, the other party can feel your feelings, rather than coming a sentence, such an important day you do not express.
So you see, in our relationship, if we can lower our expectations and express the feelings I just said, this man will feel that you understand him very well, you can make him comfortable, and this comfort is the secret of being able to eat and live in him for a long time.