Talking to your child about war is not an easy task, but it is important.
Russia invaded Ukraine, and young people were getting more news sources through social media and online platforms than ever before.
If a child hears that there is a war of aggression, they may feel anxious or confused.
As a parent, how do you explain what happened to your child? Here are some suggestions that may help you:
Act opportunistically
Depending on the age of the child, war is undoubtedly a trickier topic, even anachronistic. But in general, avoiding talking can make children feel confused, lonely, and more afraid.
Over time, this can affect their overall health. It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your child to help digest the messages and content they read, see, or hear from school.
Children expect adults to listen and pay attention to their voices, especially if they show interest. They may only need a reassurance to understand that it is normal for them to feel.
The most important thing is to stay calm during the conversation, so that the interaction does not cause more worry or fear.
Cohen, a clinical psychologist, said that parents play a guiding and regulating role in how their children experience life events. The first thing parents need to do, she says, is to figure out how they feel before they start a conversation.
"It's very important for parents to be calm and calm — not to refract their fears onto their children," she said.
It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your child to help digest the messages and content they read, see, and even hear from school.
Ask them what they all know
Cohen recommends taking two steps when it comes to tough conversations with your child. The first step is to give empathy from the child's point of view, and then to express your opinion from the parent's point of view.
Parents may also want to ask their child what they wish to know, understand some of their concerns, and whether they have been exposed to any misleading information.
Cohen says one key to asking simple questions is to follow the child's lead and give them the initiative in the conversation.
"Your child's answers will let you know what they're really interested in, and at the same time, parents won't instill a lot of information into their children that they think their children should know."
She believes that asking questions is helpful in having conversations with your child at home because it helps you understand your child's emotional state. There will also be an opportunity to correct [their] misunderstanding of any facts.
Pay attention to observe for inconspicuous signs of anxiety.
Keep an eye out for no obvious signs
Some children may be willing to speak out, but others may be silently worried – so it's important to look at the colors and notice their less obvious signs of nervousness.
For example, children may become more dependent on their parents, have difficulty falling asleep, and bite their nails or suck their fingers.
There are also some more hidden signs of anxiety, which may include mood swings. They may get angry for no reason, have stomach pains, or have a change in appetite.
Cohen added, "Kids can become picky or rigid about something, which is a way they're trying to control the world around them, in contrast to the uncertainty they're experiencing."
Don't keep reading bad news.
Don't always let your child see the bad news
Both adults and children should have a balance when watching the news, such as different types of programs and numbers.
Of course, for older kids, it can be more challenging not to over-watch the news.
But try to keep young children as young as possible from inappropriate TV and online content and pictures, which can cause anxiety and fear.
"Children may only want to know small details, such as, can children in conflict still go to school? Or maybe they're not interested at all. But it's important to understand your child's situation and not tell them a lot of information that they can't afford. Therefore, I would advise younger children to definitely have breaks while watching social media," she said.
Go for a walk or do something else your child likes.
Find balance
Parents can encourage their children to do activities that will keep them down to earth and feel better, including cooking, watching favorite movies, walking, or reading favorite books.
Don't forget: look at things in the big picture. The meaning of certain events should be explained. At the moment, the news is reporting some terrible news, but telling children that such things are very rare and do not happen very often.
Even though people spend a lot of time talking about the news, unless you're close to Ukraine, something like this still doesn't affect you or your family.
If your child is still worried, you can also encourage them to do the following:
Do breathing exercises with your feet on the ground – it can help distract your attention.
Remind them to think more about the things that make them happy and think about good things before falling asleep so that their brains stay positive.
Let them find 3 things to be thankful for before they go to sleep.
Put something beautiful at the head of their bed — perhaps a photo that makes them smile — and make it the last image they see before they go to bed.
If they have nightmares, encourage them to speak out and even try to draw them.
Encourage them if they wish to help
If children want to help those affected by war, give them support – this will help give them "a sense of autonomy" (a sense of control over actions and consequences). Children can donate their toys, raise money for charity, write letters to local government officials, or make pictures calling for peace.
Cohen explains that this is the best opportunity to cultivate compassion in children, it is more tangible than what is learned from books, "What is more convincing than action?" ”
If you don't know the answer, you can look it up, but honesty is important.
Don't lie
As a parent, I always want to comfort my children as much as possible. But make sure you don't overprononounce.
It's also important to be sure to ask more information when you don't know the answers to some of your questions.
Cohen said lying to children undermines trust, for example, by saying, "In fact, things are going to change" than "everything will be fine." Because this is the truth of life: everything is changing – there are good and bad.
Cohen said that we can also use the new crown as an example, we are not what we were 2 years ago.
"The emphasis on (human) resilience is very good, even using some of the difficulties that children experience before but overcome later," she said.