When I went back last night, it was already nine o'clock, the child was still writing homework, after asking about the amount of homework, a surprised emotion and an irrepressible anger rose instantly, entered the brain, and the words of accusation blurted out: You have been back from school for four hours, so far, only completed ten minutes of homework, just play with toys, right? He kept talking about life and listened quietly to my accusations.
At this time, I felt like a policeman who had caught the thief, but there was no sense of accomplishment, more of a sense of frustration.
The child does not write homework, does not stay up late, will not be criticized by the teacher, whether the exam will not be good, these should be the child's own affairs, should be handed back to the child, he needs to bear this responsibility himself. However, parents will always unconsciously worry and take responsibility, so that they fall into contradictions.
Parents are worried that the child does not love to learn, can not consciously complete the homework, which in itself is a kind of negative thinking, when this negative thinking occupies the parents' brain, they will not consider at all, when the child plays, what is the real need? But as children grow up, they will become more and more difficult to manage, this contradiction will become more and more intense, and the parent-child relationship will become more rigid.
If we communicate with the child from a different perspective, child, how do you feel when you play? Fun, fun, right? But if, in order to pursue this kind of happiness, you delay writing homework, and then you may stay up late, or be criticized by the teacher, which will make you unhappy, right? If you finish your homework first and then play, then there won't be this unhappy emotion, you'll always be happy, right?
This kind of communication is actually a positive endowment, which explains the child's playful behavior as: let yourself get a good mood, which makes the child feel your kindness to himself, so that he can still position himself as a good child, and also let the parents have a positive attitude.
The purpose of positive empowerment is not to let the child follow the parents, but to let the parents follow the child, where the child is, the parent will stand where, turn around, and turn the child's behavior into a positive. For example: the child says that he hates a classmate, we can say that it is okay for you to hate him, then you must have your own ideas, then what kind of classmates do you like? Which classmate? Or he rubs, we can say, that you are looking for your own rhythm; he lies, and we can say that it seems that you are very eager to hold your rights. That is, for every problem that you seem hopeless, we can find the positive side of it in situ.
But positive empowerment does not mean ignoring problems, such as: he has bad grades, you say, it doesn't matter how beautiful you look, which gives him a negative mentality, avoiding learning this thing. There is a black dot on a painting, we don't ignore him, but look at it positively, because it already exists, it is already part of the painting, we go to see what the black dot has, and find a way to make the black dot merge with the painting.
A father saw the child playing games, did not blindly stop, but played games with the child, and then deepened communication, understand the child's heart, and later he found that the child showed a lot of interest in the game, talent, and eventually approached the child, the relationship with the child also became more harmonious, they discussed together how to pursue beautiful things in real life, it can be said that the father's education has achieved good results, he is to give the child a game of this thing to give a positive meaning: the game can show personal talent, It can bring the parent-child relationship closer, so as to positively guide the child to love life.
But the ability to actively empower righteousness, is not innate to us, there will definitely be some difficulty in the process of use, sometimes do not see the effect, may want to give up, it does not matter, then temporarily give up, back to the original simple and rough method, wait until the next time you still want to change, try it again! Over time, you will form this habit of thinking!