Some people say that parenting is a practice, raising children, but cultivating oneself.
Deeply.
Companionship is a responsibility and a blessing
I have a friend who, when he was young, did not stick his fingers in onion water and vowed to be a delicate girl for the rest of his life.
Many years later, I once visited her house, but found that the once exquisite girl had long faded from her former style. Her figure was busy between the stoves, picking vegetables, washing vegetables, stir-frying vegetables, and without much effort, bringing out a pot of enviable food.
After eating, she was busy cleaning up the housework and did not stop for a moment.
I laughed and teased her: I haven't seen her for many years, how did I suddenly become a good wife and mother?
She laughed: As a mother, you always have to think about your children, where is the reason for not studying cooking and not cooking?
Yeah, since having children, it's like growing up overnight. In order to take care of children, in order to become a role model for children, never get up early, don't be lazy from now on, only prepare a nutritious breakfast for children; if you can't put down your mobile phone, you will also write homework with your children, pick up the book page by page...
All the changes are just to accompany the child to grow; to achieve a better child, but also to become a better self.
The growth of children is irreversible, and it is a responsibility and a happiness to accompany children to grow up together.
Companionship ≠ companionship
This is an era full of anxiety, the pressure of reality is on the shoulders of every parent, in order to create better conditions for their children, countless parents are rushing on the road of career.
Boy, I'm sorry! Letting go of your job can't afford to support you, and picking up your job can't accompany you!
Many parents are caught in a dilemma in reality, and when it comes to their children's education, they often blame the reason: there is no time to accompany.
It is true that the reality has such and such helplessness, there is no way for parents to accompany their children at all times, but the real companionship is not companionship.
Zhang Yueying, the principal of Shanghai Shiwai, once told a touching story in a talk show, from the parents of students.
This is a Taiwanese father, since his daughter was in the first grade of primary school, he has communicated with her daughter on a daily basis by passing on love notes.
Whether he is happy or sad, or the parents and children disagree, the father will write his heart on the note and then tuck it under his daughter's pillow.
"Today we're going to check the learning results, are you ready?"
"Thank you to my most precious daughter for giving Dad a great Father's Day."
……
The story of the father and daughter passing each other notes was not known until the child was in the fourth grade, when they had accumulated more than 1,200 love notes, and none of them were intermittent.
There is encouragement, there is telling, in the note communication, the child slowly grows up, and the parent-child feelings are incomparably integrated. Because, at every moment, the child can feel that her parents love her and care about her.
Now that the child has entered junior high school, her inner kindness has also been stimulated by her father, and she has learned to respond to her father in a warm way.
We always say that companionship is the longest confession of affection. Many parents understand this truth and do their best to squeeze out their time with their children.
But you will find that more often, although parents are with their children, their hearts are not on their children: doing their own things, brushing their mobile phones to play games or handling daily affairs and service affairs. It seems to give time to the child, but it is actually just ineffective companionship.
In fact, children want high-quality companionship. Even if the time is short, but when he is with him, the parents can have the child in their eyes, let him feel the warmth and intimacy between the family members, he will feel happy and safe, and he can lay the foundation for the child's physical and mental development and promote his growth.
What kind of companionship is the longest affection?
In real life, there are also parents who will complain: I would like to accompany my children, but people are not rare! Three sentences can not be said together to quarrel, it is better not to see it!
Yes, how many parent-child relationships are trapped in a communication impasse: children cannot understand their parents, parents cannot understand their children, and parent-child conflicts continue to erupt.
So, what kind of companionship is the most affectionate? What kind of companionship can make children feel the warmth of their parents, so as to improve the parent-child relationship?
1. Change identity: Parents are the guides, children are explorers
"You can't do that, you can't do that!"
Parents often lecture their children in a condescending manner, but ignore an important problem: children are independent individuals, with their own thoughts and their own wills. When their self-consciousness continues to awaken and they find that their every move is constantly under control, strict supervision will only stimulate their rebellious psychology. Working against your parents has become a common practice.
Parents first need to change the perspective of their children, see themselves as a leader, and see their children as explorers. Lead your child to find the answers for themselves, so that they are willing to change themselves.
Just like the father in the note, although he did not explicitly say: Child, you can't do this, you can't do that. But he takes his children to explore the answers in a warmer way.
As the note reads: Today we are going to check the learning results, are you ready?
Although parents still talk about a truth, reminding children to pay close attention to learning, when parents leave the right to choose to their children, such a way children do not resent, but can stimulate the child's initiative, and avoid parent-child contradictions.
2. Change the purpose: Learning is the main theme, but not the only one
If you count the topics that parents talk about with their children, there must be one sentence in three sentences, that is, the child's "learning".
Are you done with your homework?
Have you memorized the text?
How well did the exam, don't review it yet!
The "care" of parents is full of pressure in the hearts of children.
Learning is indeed the child's heavy responsibility and the main theme, but it is not the only one in life. In fact, when parents accompany their children, they can find topics in many ways and chat with their children about the new things that happen around them.
When parents open the topic of their children and the children resonate, it is easier to accept their parents and accept their parents' suggestions to him.
3. Change direction: Parents must be the light in the eyes of their children
I hope that my child will become excellent, spur my child to work hard, or the common hope of parents in the world.
Whether it is to correct the child's bad habits or spur the child to study well, parents should not chase the child to urge them to move forward, but should be a good example for the child, become the light in the child's eyes, and be able to let the child take the initiative to follow.
Companionship is not accompanying reading, companionship is the need to grow up with children. Only in this way can we find problems in the child's companionship, and then put on positive glasses to guide the child to change.
Parents are often heard asking: What kind of education is the best education?
I remember a line from the Korean drama "Please Answer 1988":
"Dad is not born a dad, dad is also the first time to be a dad, so please ask your daughter to be a little more considerate." 」
In this world, not everyone is born to be a parent. Children are like a mirror, giving parents the opportunity to re-examine themselves, face themselves, grow up with their children, achieve better themselves, and become better parents, that is the best parenting.
I am a Nuo mom, focusing on parent-child growth research, talking about parenting dry goods, writing parenting tips, paying attention to me, growing up together and improving ah~