Recently, the old Buddhist mother has even begun to be anxious, the cause is that in a certain sound, it is always brushed by a group of Haidian mothers. This Tsinghua mother, that Peking University lady, a series of live lessons on learning planning, let us Buddha-nature old mothers suspect that no longer chicken baby is sorry for the child.
At the beginning of the spring semester, the two divine beasts in the family have entered the second semester of the fourth grade, and with the solid landing of the double reduction policy, the previous language training class has disappeared. At present, after 4:30 after school services, I am basically at home.
Like many parents, I hope to learn and enjoy learning to watch the curriculum, but the large class of thousands of people is really bottomless. Many parents feel that the curriculum after the integration with the curriculum standard is actually to a large extent to meet the psychological comfort of the old mother, and the progress is not obvious for the child.
It feels that children are not confident enough in this atmosphere, but self-confidence is a child's vital psychological support, and a child with self-confidence also has a stronger independence from things. For example, at the Winter Olympics, we saw Gu Ailing and Su Yiming, and their behavior was full of confidence.
So how to let children have the cost of self-confidence, calm and calm and powerful? These will also give children the courage to overcome setbacks and difficulties, and the strength to do things and not accept defeat.
(Image from the Internet)
01
Confident children developed by parents in different generations
Post-60s/70 Parents: Traditional Parent Education Model
Speaking of parents after 60 and 70, many people will think of a word "generation gap", because parents in this period have experienced the hardships of life, and when they have children, they will discipline in a strict way, hoping that they can get ahead.
Most of the parents after 60/70 are multi-child families, and the issue of food and clothing is the top priority of the family. Most of them rely on their own hard work, have a successful career, and have an independent and autonomous character. Paying more attention to your child's grades will plan your child's future. Children are generally educated in a controlled way, and basically do not pay much attention to the education of children's psychological quality. During this period, the establishment of children's self-confidence all depends on their own psychological regulation.
Chu Yin, vice president of the Digital Economy Think Tank, was very touched when he talked about his youth. He said that his parents were high-ranking intellectuals, and the way of education was to often encourage him, hoping that he would be better than what he did. But for him at the time, this sentence was of no use, because he knew that it was not a matter of nu not trying hard, but thinking that it was really inferior to others.
Looking back at his student days, he described it as if he were living in hell. To his bitterness, downstairs in his house was his classmate, an Olympic champion. He has been living in the shadow of "other people's children", which led to a difficult student life, and this inferiority complex did not gradually disappear until the graduation of graduate school.
In fact, it is not difficult to see that Chu Yin is also a very good person, he is a doctor of political science at Chinese Min University, and he has also served as a professor in the Department of Public Administration of the School of International Relations. But when he was young, he did not have self-confidence, he could not see his own advantages, and turned a blind eye to his own efforts. I will also compare with other students, and the more I compare my inner self, the smaller I am.
Post-80s Parents: A Combination of Traditional And New Education Models
Parents of the post-80s generation adopt a more diversified approach to education. In addition to the traditional educational concepts of the fathers, new forms of education are also tried. While establishing the prestige of parents, it also integrates the concept of family democracy, so that children can increase the cultivation of their own personality under traditional education.
Post-80s parents are the first generation of only children, but post-80s parents are still in the stage of working hard for their ideals, busy with work and taking care of their children. After the 80s, Bao Ma nan nan is like this, she works in public institutions, and the 7-year-old child is taken care of by her parents and tutored by her homework. She will ask the child to arrange life and study according to her own plan. But at the same time, she will also apply for interest classes according to her children's preferences, and even if she does not stick to it, she will not blame too much. Because she knows that a child's interest is generated in the process of learning. After learning, the child can know whether she wants it or not, and she can understand the child's thoughts very well.
Parents of the post-80s generation not only adopt traditional education, but also attach great importance to their children's quality education, and will pay more attention to their children's psychological feelings. Parents in this period will encourage their children because of their children's little progress, and in order to make their children more confident, they will let their children experience the feeling of winning and succeeding.
Post-90s Parents: A Free and Equal Education Model
Most of the post-90s generation is a generation of their own personality, and they have a unique way of raising their children, that is, to be friends with their children and establish equal relationships. Parents in this period, believing that children are independent individuals, more respectful of their ideas, less focused on academic achievements, and raising their children with a natural attitude.
The advantage of equal dialogue is that children are independent and assertive, they will express themselves confidently, and parents will be willing to support and participate in it. In this environment, the children raised by the parents of the post-90s generation are better at expressing themselves and know what they want.
Just like I once saw a pair of post-90s mothers and daughters walking on the road, the child suddenly lay on the ground noisily wanting to go to the park to play, the mother explained that the wind is too easy to catch a cold. The child did not forgive, the mother crouched to the side to watch him and did not speak, the child lay for a long time to find that the mother did not satisfy himself, so he had to stand up silently.
Post-90s parents do not think that they are subordinate to their children, but think that their children and themselves are independent. I don't pose as a parent, and you don't threaten me with the arrogance of a child. They don't control the child or circle around the child. Children educated by post-90s parents are more confident and have stronger psychological qualities.
It is said that family affection is the only emotion for separation, no matter what era of parents, the only purpose is to enable children to survive independently. Cultivating children's self-confidence is the antidote to children's lifelong freedom.
02
An introverted child doesn't mean not confident
Psychologists have said that introverts have suffered psychological trauma due to the disharmony of the original family, resulting in a reticent personality, and such children are manifestations of unconfidence.
In fact, there is no clear boundary between introverts and extroverts. Some introverts can gush in familiar territory; some extroverts will not make a sound in an unfamiliar environment. Presenting personality traits depends on changes in the environment and is not a sign of insecurity.
For example, the writer "Ge Thirteen" has told the story of his son in the discussion of how to educate and raise children, which is impressive. His son was a shy and introverted child.
Once the teacher asked the students to recite an ancient poem, and everyone memorized it, only a girl in the class stuck in the last two sentences. Many classmates laughed at her, and he didn't. He silently painted a painting, expressing the meaning of the poem in the form of an image, and the girl quickly memorized the poem after seeing it.
This lets us know that there is no good or bad personality, and that introverted and extroverted personalities are just a child's way of communicating with the world, not a sign of unconfidence.
03
Self-confidence is the talent that benefits children for life
What is self-confidence? Self-confidence is the guarantee of withstanding setbacks and overcoming difficulties. Confident people can correctly and realistically evaluate their knowledge and ability, can humbly accept the correct opinions of others, and are full of confidence in the cause they are engaged in.
This reminds me of the story of a conductor.
Seiji Ozawa is a world-famous symphony conductor, in a world excellent conductor competition, he conducted the performance according to the score given by the jury, keenly discovered the discordant sound, faced with the questions raised by the music masters and authorities on the scene, and insisted on repeated denials by experts, thinking that the score was wrong, and he unexpectedly won everyone's applause.
It turned out that the judges used this to test whether the conductors could stick to their correct ideas when they found the score error and was "denied" by the authorities. Although the first two conductors who participated in the final also found mistakes, they were eventually eliminated because they echoed the opinions of the authorities. However, Seiji Ozawa won the world conductor competition because of his self-confidence and conviction of his professionalism.
In fact, educating children is the same, the content of learning is not the focus, the focus is to cultivate children's confident and optimistic mentality, to learn how to face failure, more calmly to face the world's changes and complexity.
American educator Dale Canel pointed out after surveying the experiences of many celebrities: "The factors of a person's career success, of which knowledge and professional skills account for only 15%, while good psychological quality accounts for 85%. ”
The essence of self-confidence is to relax, not to compete under pressure, and not to care about how well others do. Parents should let their children discover what they want from their interests, and let children pay more attention to inner growth and persistence. Let the child know what he wants, and cultivate the child's confident, tenacious and determined qualities are the most important.