When the child leaves the arms of the mother and throws herself into the group, we will inevitably hear the words: "Mom, others don't play with me." ”
At this time, in addition to the pain, how will you answer?
I have seen a mother before, after hearing her daughter's crying, she immediately comforted the child and said: "It doesn't matter, we are not rare to play with them, go, mother buy you candy to eat." ”
This mother's approach is undoubtedly to promote the child's arrogant temperament. This will make the child feel that once the social problem is wrong, it is someone else's fault, and the relationship with himself.
Of course, if the friend your child meets is too different from his interests or ideas, we can encourage him to find a more suitable child, but also do not denigrate those children. We can let children distinguish between right and wrong behavior, but don't get into the habit of attacking others.
In life, we will find that some children have social, no matter who they are with. But some children always run into walls, rarely make a friend, and often have conflicts. What's going on?
One: Poor social skills, what is going on?
The book "Social Psychology of Children" points out that children's social skills are poor, and most of them do not understand the rules and order of social interaction.
In fact, carefully observe those children with poor social skills, in addition to being timid and not social by nature, the rest of the children will almost have the following commonalities:
● Others treat him well, and he takes it for granted
The sharing and help between children is mutual. Friendship can only be established if you know how to reciprocate. After all, children are small, but no one is stupid. Some children are used to being "served" by their families at home, and he takes the efforts of others for granted. Therefore, when there are children who pay for him, he also feels that this is the right time. After a long time, other children are reluctant to play with him.
● Arrogance
Some children, with a particularly arrogant personality, feel that they are on top of him, while other children are inferior to him. Such children can only play by themselves slowly, and are "isolated" by others.
●I don't know how to cooperate
As long as there is a group, there must be cooperation, and children are no exception. When a group of children play, they will have a division of labor and there will be cooperation. And some children, do not know how to cooperate, only care about themselves, do not value the group. Slowly, when the other child twisted into a rope, he was slowly expelled.
● Love to scold and beat people
Children don't like people who are not polite, especially those who love to talk dirty and beat people with their hands. Many children do not know how to express themselves, and when they are in a hurry, they attack others with words or limbs. Such children, lacking social skills, are often "disliked".
● I don't know how to share
A child, if he is willing to share his own snacks and toys, then he can often exchange other people's snacks and toys, and he will most likely be a popular person. But some children will take their own things very seriously. You can share it with me, but I must not let my stuff go. Over time, other children will not want to play with him.
We look at children with poor social skills and can almost find them in the above points.
When a child's friend is reluctant to play with him, it is possible that they have a conflict, but the child does not have enough social skills to solve it. Instead of hurting the child, we should teach him social skills, let him solve conflicts on his own, and develop friendships.
So when a child complains that others don't play with him, our reaction can determine his social skills for the rest of his life.
Two: How to give children social enlightenment?
When children begin to contact children and develop their own social circles, we can consciously give children social enlightenment.
How do you do that?
In fact, there are 5 elements for children to socialize. As long as we help the child master these 5 elements, the child can develop high social skills. When making friends encounters setbacks, children can use their own wisdom and ability to solve them, without the intervention of us adults.
Element 1: Learn to express yourself
Children's social psychology believes that learning to express is the first step and a crucial step for children to establish interpersonal relationships.
Some children, when playing with children, what he wants, he does not dare to say, but hides in the arms of adults, asking his parents to come forward.
In this case, we should not blame or forcibly push the child out. We can hold the child's hand, accompany him to the child, and then crouch down and encourage him to express himself. If the child does it, we should encourage it in time: "Look, baby, you did it, you borrowed this toy from your friend yourself." Mom believes you can do it in the future! ”
At first we could accompany him a few times, and then we let go and encourage the child to face it alone. With positive encouragement, the child will slowly let go of himself and become brave step by step.
Element two: learn to care for others
Caring for others is also a kind of emotional intelligence. In addition to caring for themselves, children should also care about their partners. If the partner is accidentally injured, the child should know how to care for and comfort him, rather than watching from the sidelines. Can care for and love others, children themselves will receive a lot of love, such children, in the social, is happy and happy.
In life, we should guide children to share more, and we should also teach him to perceive the emotions of others and cultivate empathy.
Element three: Learn to listen
There's a scene in Peppa Pig where Susie and Page talk, and as soon as she opens her mouth, Page says what she's done. When Page finished, Susie wanted to continue, but before she could finish speaking, Page began to talk about herself again. At this time, Susie was angry, saying that Page only cared about herself and talked, and did not know how to respect others at all.
Listening is really important when interacting with people. If the child only cares about himself and does not give others the opportunity to express himself, then others are not willing to listen to him.
In our daily lives, we can communicate more with our children, tell him about the things we encounter, and cultivate his ability to listen. Learning to listen is actually exercising a child's patience and cultivating his empathy.
Element 4: Cultivate hobbies
Cultivating your child's interests can help him find like-minded people. When a group of children with the same interests and hobbies are together, they will have more common topics and can quickly get closer and build good relationships.
Element Five: Learn to share
We usually have good food, do not let the child exclusive, but can eat with the child. In this way, the child will form a sense of "sharing", otherwise, he will think that once there is a good thing, he must give it to him first.
In addition, when taking children out, we can also ask children what snacks they can bring, and when they meet children, they can share them together. This fosters a sense of active sharing.
Write at the end:
Socializing with children is a compulsory course in his life. When he encounters setbacks, he ends up solving them on his own. We can't protect a child for a lifetime, all we can do is teach him social skills and then let it go, believing that he can handle it himself.
"Mom, people don't play with me." Has your child ever encountered this situation?
【Picture from the Internet, invasion and deletion】
About the author: Cuckoo mom, a good observation, thinking, method of the mother. Exchange parenting experience, share psychological knowledge, like to pay attention to it~