Online classes during the epidemic are a major challenge for students, parents and teachers, including parents, especially dual-career families. While having to work and also managing your child's safety at home and online courses, it is inevitable that you will be helpless and irritable.
In order to help parents do a good job of home education for their children, the Shenzhen Academy of Educational Sciences and the Shenzhen Mental Health Education Guidance Center give parents the following suggestions.
Understand and accept children
Gain insight into the psychological causes behind your child's bad behavior
Home online classes can protect the safety of teachers and students during the epidemic without interrupting children's learning, which is an unavoidable choice during special periods.
However, to efficiently take online classes, manage their own learning, entertainment, life schedules, for those who are still developing learning drive, improve concentration and self-management ability of children is very difficult, very easy to expose the problem, as parents often distressed, such as three urges and four please pinch to get up, while eating while learning, see stitches and needles to play the computer, write homework and drag and so on.
During the online class, the child's repeated and difficult to change demon behavior constantly stimulates the parents' nerves, making it difficult for parents to tolerate the child, patience is consumed, so they often reflexively criticize and accuse the child, and cannot do the emotional gentle follow-through.
However, preaching criticism and accusation will only cause children's psychological defenses such as denying their mistakes, angrily defending themselves, self-blame, confrontation, etc. The negative emotions accompanied by such behaviors will reduce the child's willingness to learn and hinder the child's motivation to change.
Consciousness is the precursor to behavior, cognition is the determinant of emotions, and only by understanding and accepting the child can we be patient with the child. Before thinking about how to help their children, wise parents will first understand why their children are like this:
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1. Why are children procrastinating?
The most headache for parents during online classes must be the child getting up, washing, going to class, writing homework, sleeping and dragging and rubbing, the child's procrastination affects the learning state, reduces the learning effect, and also affects the life schedule, and disrupts the parents' planning arrangements, affects the parents' work, makes the parents headache, and can't help but bomb the child.
However, procrastination is an inevitable problem that most teenagers experience in their growth, and even adults have surveys showing that 70% or 80% of people have different degrees of procrastination. Children procrastinate, on the one hand, environmental problems, no classroom atmosphere, can not stimulate the enthusiasm for learning, on the other hand is the ability problem, is really unable to do:
The brain of primary and secondary school students has not yet matured, generally 25-year-old brain is basically mature, and the current development of children's emotional brain is earlier than the rational brain, doing things will be more inclined to simple, pleasant things, and in the face of difficult, easy to cause anxiety, the brain will give instructions to let children do later or even directly avoid.
Therefore, the best way to help children fight procrastination is not to urge, but to avoid negative emotions about what the child wants to do, and to stimulate the child to have positive emotions about what to do.
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Why can't children learn on their own?
The root cause of the inability to learn on your own is that you have no interest in learning and cannot activate the internal drive of learning.
However, every child is born with a strong interest in learning, full of curiosity about this unknown world, for example, every little baby can't help but listen, see, touch, suck and other ways to explore the world, which is the initial learning behavior of people.
So why do children slowly become less interested in learning? That's because in the anxiety of society, the matter of "learning" is slowly tied to many things, such as the pressure of parents to evolve with their children's learning requirements, the more serious peer competition in schools, and the learned helplessness formed by long-term experience of learning setbacks without guidance.
Under the state of online classes, children are more likely to have anxiety about learning, in such a state, parents' preaching and urging criticism can only make children think of ways to perfunctory, and if you want to help children improve their autonomy, they must first find ways to stimulate the internal driving force of children's learning.
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Why are children just susceptible to interference?
Susceptibility to interference is a headache between children and parents during online classes, which greatly affects learning efficiency, it is related to concentration ability, and concentration ability is not strong, it is easy to be interfered with.
Children are susceptible to interference, possibly because:
(1) Concentration is an ability, which is related to age and growth experience, and is also affected by genetic inheritance, such as some children are born with strong concentration. If parents find that their concentration is not strong, please do not over-require their children to be uninvited at a young age, parents are not too anxious, and accept that children grow up slowly.
(2) Concentration is also affected by the environment, and like memory, it can be damaged or improved through training. Under the interference environment for a long time, the child's concentration is easily destroyed. During the child's online class, it is very easy to be disturbed by the objective environment, and the brain is stimulated by various aspects such as an unclean and noisy learning environment, parents frequently remind and monitor children when they are writing homework in class, and parents often quarrel...
Therefore, if you want to help your child not be disturbed, you must spend time and energy to assess your child's concentration level, consciously and scientifically cultivate your child's concentration, and help your child create a good atmosphere of focused learning and work.
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Why are children so prone to internet addiction?
During the home online class, the monotonous and repetitive life makes the children's exuberant energy unable to be discharged, and the root of the children's addiction to the Internet lies in the lack of interesting and healthy entertainment methods, so the lack of happy energy, restless children are more likely to play, brush videos, chat in the network for psychological compensation.
People are relationship animals, and the lack of relationship connection will make people lack a sense of reality in life, produce a sense of meaningless nothingness in life, and then choose a bad addiction to paralyze themselves. If the child has been seriously addicted to the Internet, it is likely that there is a problem with the child's social support system, such as parent-child relationship and peer relationship problems, so that the child feels lonely, empty, and difficult, and there is no support, and can only put emotions into the virtual world.
Therefore, if you want to help your child use the Internet reasonably, you are not tempted by other information on the Internet during online classes, and you need to help your child establish a normal, orderly, healthy, and interesting learning life, have the care and care of relatives and friends, and truly love real life.
Patience continues to give wisdom help
When it is clearly understood that the children's problems are not because the children are lazy and really cannot be done, and understand the psychological reasons behind the children's behavior, parents can resist 80% of the anxiety, in order to continue to patiently mobilize wisdom to help the children, rather than through simple and rough ways such as urging, criticizing, scolding and other useless ways to change the children, so that children can efficiently take online classes and avoid parent-child conflicts.
If you want to promote self-change in your child, the most important thing is to continue to sincerely encourage, affirm, and support your child without perfunctory. Of course, in addition, it is also necessary to give the child real help:
Help your child relieve procrastination
(1) Help children to reduce negative emotions about things that are easy to procrastinate, such as avoiding negative thoughts such as "I can't do it" "This is difficult" and "It will be criticized if you don't do well" for things that are easy to procrastinate in class, which requires parents to criticize less and urge less when tutoring children to write homework, when the child's learning task is very heavy and unable to start, help the child divide the task into large and small goals, start from simple and easy, start from the subject of interest and slowly advance.
(2) You can try to give examples, use news events and other ways to let children intuitively understand procrastination and its consequences, such as in order to let children understand the harm of procrastination leading to staying up late, you can use vivid science knowledge, use the news example of staying up late to cause brain damage, or even take the child to the hospital by the doctor to teach the child.
(3) If the above methods are ineffective, it is likely that the child can solve the problem even if it is delayed, and it will not bring serious consequences, but the parents are overly anxious. In this case, parents also need to relax their minds and wait with the attitude of leading snails to go for a walk, so that children will physically delay in the experience and lead to adverse consequences and change spontaneously.
Help your child learn effectively
(1) Avoid overly idealistic expectations of your child. Many parents want their children to spend all their time at home learning, active learning, and a high degree of concentration, which is obviously unlikely. Parents can first think differently, adjust their expectations of their children to a more reasonable range, and avoid excessive pressure on their children.
(2) Understand the child's current academic level, and the subject teachers help the child to set goals that meet the level, so as to avoid the child's self-requirements are too high, and finally the ability to reach the goal has a strong sense of frustration and then produce a sense of boredom;
(3) Help children have more successful experiences in other aspects during the home online class, such as hobbies, labor and housework, cooking and so on. Allowing children to have a happy experience and a sense of accomplishment will improve their self-confidence, which can also be transferred to learning and stimulate interest in learning. Therefore, parents should communicate more with their children during online classes, strengthen the children's good work in some aspects, let the children feel that their progress can be seen, recognized by their parents, feel that they are capable and valuable, want to become better people, and then be willing to make efforts in learning and mobilize learning enthusiasm.
Help your child improve their concentration level
(1) Parents can discuss and arrange suitable learning places at home with their children. Secondly, parents also need to cultivate themselves, not play mahjong, sing, open the volume to watch TV when their children are learning, and do not pay too much attention to their children's learning in and out of staring at their children. Make it easier for children to concentrate on their studies.
(2) There are many puzzle games on the Internet to enhance concentration, parents can actively find relevant resources to cultivate children's concentration in the form of games, in addition to increasing the activities that parents and children participate in together, and enhance the emotional link during the stay at home.
(3) The concentration level of children aged 7-10, 10-12 years old and after 12 years old is 15-20 minutes, 25-30 minutes and more than 30 minutes, respectively. If the child's concentration is obviously not at the level of age, the child should be taken to the hospital for examination in time instead of blindly complaining about the child.
(Hold back, he's just not brain developed yet)
Help your child avoid getting addicted to the Internet
With the development of online classes, children take the opportunity to use the Internet, and most parents are more and more anxious about their children's addiction to the Internet, and they can't help but regard their children's use of the Internet as a "flood beast".
However, the Internet has become an indispensable tool in our lives, especially during the online class to completely control the use of the Internet through a one-size-fits-all approach, which is almost impossible to do, and it is not conducive to children's connection with the outside world. And a one-size-fits-all approach to full control of the network can also inspire intense parent-child conflict.
Therefore, parents need to learn to let go of obsession, allow the "network problem" to exist, and then cross it, so as to help children more efficiently engage in healthy learning and life. Parents can try this:
(1) Accompany your children to strengthen home activities. The best way to stop indulging in junk entertainment is to help children have a rich life experience and healthy hobbies, especially in the boring home life. Therefore, parents need to drive their children to have reasonable exercise every day, accompany their children to do some home-based parent-child activities such as cooking together, doing puzzle games, walking and chatting, and encouraging children to adhere to at least one hobby such as music, painting, etc.
(2) Jointly negotiate the time of mobile phone network use and strictly manage it. Online control of adolescents cannot go to two extremes, neither one-size-fits-all nor laissez-faire. You can combine the time when the class students use the Internet and the suggestions of the teachers, negotiate with the children to use the Internet time, and parents should also lead by example and not use the Internet excessively.
(3) Provide good parent-child support for children and help children establish good peer relationship support. Whether it is for children or adults, when a person's life needs are perceived, concerned, understood, and satisfied, he can feel the meaning of life, do not want to live in vain, and naturally will not look for a sense of existence in the virtual world. Therefore, parents need to often find opportunities to be alone with their children, chat with their children in depth, especially topics that have nothing to do with learning, or even just chat with children, understand their children's psychological needs and give understanding and satisfaction, which can also nourish children. For teenagers, the affirmation and recognition of peers is also very important, to help children establish normal interpersonal relationships, timely channel the interpersonal conflicts between children and friends, and allow children to chat with classmates and friends on the time line every day.
(4) Take the child to do psychological counseling and psychological treatment in time. If the child has been highly addicted to the Internet, such as emotions are completely controlled by the Network, can not use the Internet will produce a strong pessimism, frustration and sense of meaninglessness in life; in addition to the Internet do not want to do anything else, has because of network problems upside down schedule, can not complete normal academic tasks and other phenomena, please do not compete with the child for the Internet, but in time to take the child to the hospital for medical treatment or help from a psychological counselor.
Finally, it is recommended that parents get up every day after
Recite three, four, five, six (on demand) over and over again:
"Scolding will not solve the problem, it will only intensify family conflicts!!!"
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First Educational Content Team
Reprinted from Shenzhen Psychological and Family Education Guidance Center