A friend complained to me that her sixth-grade daughter was becoming more and more silent at home, shutting herself in her house for most of the day and not communicating much with them.
I comforted her, is the child's heart, talk to her.
The friend came over with a bitter smile and said that she and her daughter were probably wrongdoers, and they were going to quarrel after a few words.
Many parents have the same confusion as my friends, and the older the child grows, the less they want to communicate with their parents.
As for the reasons, they are manifold.
It is very important that the distrust of parents will lead to children not loving to talk to their parents.
Teacher Li Qunfeng said such a thing in "Child Communication Psychology":
Mu Xin has been sleeping alone since he went to kindergarten, but in the first grade, Mu Xin's courage is getting smaller and smaller. On several occasions, she clamored to sleep with her mom and dad.
One night, Mu Xin ran to his parents' bedroom and said to his mother, "Mom, there are bad people, I am afraid, I don't want to sleep alone." ”
The mother thought that Mu Xin was thinking wildly, so she simply comforted her and let her go back to the house to sleep.
But the attentive father felt that things were not as simple as his wife thought. He asked Mu Xin, "Don't be afraid, tell Dad, what does a bad guy look like?" ”
"It was black, I couldn't see it, and as soon as I turned my head, the bad guy disappeared." Mu Xin said in panic.
That night, the father did not "rush" his daughter back to sleep, but first hugged her and talked to Mu Xin for a long time. Through the chat, Dad got an important message: Mu Xin often saw bad people on the way out of school.
The next day, Dad took a leave of absence, specifically following her silently on Mu Xin's way out of school, and then he saw a middle-aged man wearing a hat actually following Mu Xin. Dad subdued the middle-aged man and immediately called the police. Later, after a police investigation, it was found that the man was a child trafficker.
This incident made Mu Xin's mother afraid, and she also regretted her own rashness and distrust of her daughter.
Fortunately, Mu Xin's father was careful, discovered his daughter's unusual behavior, and took decisive measures, which avoided a tragedy.
This also reminds us that parents must listen carefully to their children's words and understand their true thoughts. When the child's expression is not clear, you can communicate with the child more, let the child relax, and say the real reason.
Everyone wants to be trusted, and children are no exception, especially from their parents, which brings them strength and courage.
When children encounter difficulties in learning, the trust of parents will make children pluck up the courage to actively find ways to solve problems.
On the contrary, if the child encounters setbacks, the parents give the child not trust, but ridicule and blows, which will make the distance between the child and the parents more and more distant, and the two sides will become more and more strange.
The next time a child has a problem, the thought is not to ask the parents for help – because without encouragement and trust from the parents, the child will fall into isolation.
Of course, if parents want to truly trust their children, there are also a few points to pay attention to:
First of all, parents should truly believe in their children from the bottom of their hearts.
Parents must truly believe in their children from the bottom of their hearts in order to enter the inner world of their children.
In the classic tutor book "Child, Give Me Your Hand", it is written: "Child, give me your hand so that I can walk in the light of your trust in me." ”
Yes, trust is like a light that can illuminate the path in a child's heart.
The trust of parents is like the sunshine to the seedlings for the children.
On the contrary, if parents always hit their children and do not believe in them, over time, their children's hearts will be hurt.
Second, say yes to your child.
Parents trust their children, and they must say more affirmative words to their children in their daily lives.
For example, "I believe that through your efforts, you will achieve the desired results in this exam." ”
"You're going to run for squadron leader, and I support your decision and trust you'll be well prepared."
"Boy, I believe you can, go give it a try."
"I know you're a kind kid who doesn't hurt little animals."
Words full of affirmation are a kind of trust for the child, which can make the child feel happy and the parents affirm him.
In this way, the child will be full of self-confidence and the parent-child relationship will be more harmonious.
Finally, support your child in action.
As the saying goes, just talk and don't practice false style.
The same is true of trusting children, saying support in words but not expressing actions, children can feel it, they will be disappointed in their parents.
Of course, when the child has not yet made up his mind about a matter, parents should not be too hasty, let alone force the child to act immediately. Instead, give the child some patience and believe that the child will make arrangements.
If the child is eager to do something, parents should understand the child, and encourage the child to do it, of course, timely help to help the child, I believe the child will appreciate the parents.
In addition, parents can also take their children out more and participate in more activities to increase the emotional communication between parents and children, so that children can feel the love of their parents for him and increase their trust in their parents.
The trust between parents and children is a two-way approach.
Parents trust the child, the child believes in the parents, the emotional communication between the two sides can be smooth, and the parent-child relationship will become more and more harmonious, rather than drifting apart and more and more speechless.