"The godson wants: love with sincerity, emotion with affection, understanding with reason, teaching him to fish, and observing with action." There are many ways to educate children, no matter what the method, the same way is always to hope that the child can grow up healthy and strong, and one day become a person with both moral integrity and ability for the family, society, and the country.
The cultivation of children includes two major aspects, one is naturally taught by teachers in schools, and the other is the words and deeds of family members. Among them, family education is particularly important, because family members have the deepest and earliest influence on children, and the family environment greatly affects the child's life.
Among family members, especially parental education is the most critical. Therefore, there is "the Son does not teach, the Father's fault."
First, the drawbacks of education for the elderly
Throughout contemporary Chinese society, everyone is exhausted in order to live, leaving early in the day and returning home late or even not home for many years, so that it seems to be very strange with their children. Especially for the perennial migrant workers, the number of times they can go home throughout the year is countless.
As a result, some children have a life, some people raise, and no one teaches".
The vast majority of these children are forced to live with their grandparents, and the elderly once again bear the burden of educating the next generation after educating one generation.
Relative to the times, there is too much compulsion. Like their parents, children are forced to receive grandparents' cross-era education.
But usually there are great drawbacks in the education of grandparents, and Li Meijin, a professor of criminal psychology at Chinese Min Public Security University, has also said that children must not be handed over to grandparents to bring.
Li Meijin is also engaged in juvenile criminal psychology and prevention, so her reminders are thought-provoking, and as she said, the serious cost of intergenerational education is even deeply related to illegal crimes. In Li Meijin's working life, she has encountered many examples of children's lives affected by intergenerational education, resulting in a series of psychological diseases, thus moving towards illegal crimes.
"Generational parents" is an emotional characteristic between most grandparents and grandchildren. For grandparents, they have cultivated their children to adulthood with hard work, and it can be said that the merits and demerits of people's lives have become a foregone conclusion.
Therefore, the education of grandchildren will be more or less taken lightly, or the outdated way of educating children will be copied. But at the same time,
When grandchildren make mistakes, they usually do not treat their children as harshly, even conniving and doting.
"Just wait until you grow up." Often when they perceive the shortcomings of their grandchildren, they choose to sit idly by, after all, their children go out, leaving their children alone to live with them, adding a piece of compassion on the basis of family affection.
In addition, as people who came over, they broke their hearts by remembering the education of their children in the past, but the children still had some shortcomings that they did not correct until they grew up, so they concluded that it was not too late to "make up for the dead" at that time.
As a result, the grandson developed the habit of arbitrariness and rebelliousness, and these shortcomings ate the soul of the child day after day, making them unrestrained in their own behavior, and even act arbitrarily, and over time they also embarked on the road of violating the crime.
Even if it is not so serious, it usually develops a bunch of bad problems and causes a lot of psychological problems. And even if grandparents do not condone education, the child's education is still missing.
They often complain about the idea that their grandparents are not qualified to educate themselves or that they are a poor abandoned person, and these thoughts will still cause them to gradually develop psychological pathologies, and the serious ones will blame all their suffering on their parents, grandparents and even derive anti-social and anti-human psychology.
Second, after the education of grandparents, parents will be educated separately
Usually, parents keep their children in their grandparents' homes for a certain period of time, and when the two get the conditions to educate their children, they will take the children back to educate themselves. But will everything get better?
If the child was still young and ignorant at that time, then although there were certain difficulties in using the heart to influence, it could still be reversed.
And if the child is a little older and has developed a rebellious heart, then the child's life can not be made up.
Parents who have been put in foster care through the experience of raising their children are usually very strange to their children after receiving them, especially those who have lived in their grandparents' homes since childhood, and some kind of estrangement has been established between the two parties. The slightest impropriety in breaking this barrier will cause the child to fight back, and at that time, not only will not recognize their parents, but it is easy to intensify the contradiction.
There are two general approaches to the way of education thereafter. First, continue the doting education of grandparents in the past, and exchange the child's sense of identity in a tolerant way. Second, carry out rigorous education to stifle children's shortcomings in the cradle.
For the first type of education, it is usually because the parents feel guilty because of their previous experiences, and choose to make up for the child materially and in life, so they agree to all the requirements of the child in detail.
Then this practice can indeed quickly close the distance between the child and the child, so as to silently break the barrier.
But any parent is doomed to be unwilling to let the child be flawed, so after the initial rapprochement of the relationship, the parents will become another person, they try to regain the education of the child.
In this regard, young children can not resist, can only give in, but psychological resistance and damage is inevitable, but in the end can be a certain extent can reverse the child's heart. And for those children who have developed a rebellious mentality, they do not eat this set, and resistance is inevitable.
At this time, parents have usually found that they can no longer intervene in the education of their children. Whether it is connivance or intensifying greater contradictions between parents and children, it seems that it is very easy to lead to the child's extreme psychology and lead him to a road of no return.
Among the many cases that Li Meijin encountered, the example of educating children like this is too late is the most common, and even someone once killed his family of six and was caught by the police, and when asked about the motive for the crime, there were only two simple sentences, "Parents discipline too strictly, wives are competitive." ”
And his so-called key is too strict, which is not unrelated to the experience of his grandparents educating when he was young and returning to his parents' homes later.
Then, this verifies the starting point and importance of Li Meijin's sentence that "children must not be handed over to grandparents to bring".
Third, father's love and maternal love are indispensable in the growth of children
So in summary, the real reason for the mental illness of children and the sowing of the seeds of illegal crime is not the difference in educational methods, which is often secondary.
Most of the education methods are likely to produce excellent children, the essence of the difference is how much love is given to the child by the parents in the continuous process? Of course, this love is not coddling, but a mountain of fatherly love and motherly love.
For children who cannot be with their parents, we usually cast a pitiful eye on them, because we know that these children often suffer too much injustice and peer bullying in their lives.
In the process of growing up in any child, father's love and mother's love are indispensable.
Usually the father teaches a child how to become a man, while the mother makes a child feel compassion. This is something that no one else can give.
"There must be something hateful about the poor." So is there something pitiful about hateful people in retrospect? Looking at the countless criminal incidents in contemporary times, from killing people and crossing goods to chickens and dogs, most of them are born in the process of fatherhood and motherhood.
In a sense, no one tells them what they should do and what they shouldn't do.
They have been mentally handicapped since childhood, and have not established legitimate moral concepts, thus laying the groundwork for future crimes.
Often, the distortion of criminals' perceptions is caused by their own experiences, the vast majority of which are related to childhood experiences.
However, for people living in the contemporary era, parents, families and many other experiences are important, or perhaps some people are still angry about this for more than half a hundred years, some people have a childhood to heal a lifetime, and some people use their lives to appease their childhood.
But what kind of person a person becomes, the greatest dominance is always in his own hands, and only he can decide the future direction. In the face of the injustice of fate, do not complain, do not hold grudges, and always remember that "things are man-made". We may not be able to change the past, but we have the power to rewrite the future.