"Mom, don't turn off the lights, I'm afraid of the dark."
"Be brave, nothing to be afraid of."
"But I always think of monsters."
"What kind of monsters are there?" Hurry up and go to sleep..."
I believe that many parents have encountered such a dialogue.
Children are afraid of the dark and monsters, and they dare not sleep alone. Even if we repeatedly explain that the monsters on TV are fake and non-existent, the child is still very afraid.
In fact, not only afraid of the dark, 2-7 years old children, there are many things to be afraid of. For example: fear of noise, fear of separation, fear of danger, fear of criticism, fear of social interaction, etc.
If parents simply think that the child is too timid and not strong enough, then the child is wrong.
01, what is the child afraid of?
Fear of the unknown: fear of the dark, fear of noise
When my son was over 4 years old, he had a hard time sleeping every night, either worrying about monsters in the closet or monsters under the bed.
In fact, fear of the dark is not only a child's characteristic, it is human instinct and nature.
Because the darkness will give people a sense of insecurity, at this time nothing can not be seen clearly, plus the child's imagination is very rich, naturally will be frightened by their own imagination of the monster.
The same goes for noise, and sudden sounds, as well as some strange-sounding sounds, can make it easier for children to be afraid.
Children who are afraid of the dark and afraid of noise are actually a kind of fear of the unknown.
Fear of danger: Fear of getting hurt
Some children are born bold and like to explore and challenge everything. However, some children are very "timid", and when they encounter something new, they are afraid to try.
Once, in the climbing area of the playground, I saw a 4-year-old child who had only climbed a few steps, and he was so frightened that he cried incessantly, and how to encourage and refuel was useless.
The reason why the child is afraid may be because he has seen other children injured before, or he may be worried that his lack of ability will lead to injury.
At this time, even if the parents can comfort him "very safe, don't be afraid", it will not help.
Fear of "losing face": fear of criticism
Don't underestimate your child's self-esteem, probably by the age of four or five, or even earlier, most children have already established an important sense of self-esteem in the early days.
"I'm not going to kindergarten anymore, the teacher criticized me today, and she definitely doesn't like me";
"Late, Mom, you have to accompany me in, I'm afraid the teacher will criticize me"...
In the eyes of parents, some insignificant things often become big things in the eyes of children. It's not the child's pretense, it's the child's self-esteem that affects them, which is a good thing.
02. How to eliminate the fear in the child's heart?
In fact, fear is a very normal emotion, and everyone has a different time to overcome fear. Some children may only take a few days, and some may take up to a year.
So, what should parents do when their children are afraid?
First, parents need to "remove attention."
What is "de-focusing"? Just don't keep staring at this thing.
Children are very susceptible to parental influence and psychological cues. If parents always say that their children are too timid, their children will not be able to face fear bravely.
Second, accept your child's emotions.
When a child expresses a fearful emotion, parents must first accept the child's emotions, rather than denying it, saying "There is nothing to be afraid of."
There is a term in psychology called "negative reinforcement", which means that through negation, the emotion of fear is indirectly reinforced. Because people who produce fear become more anxious because they don't get understood by others.
Therefore, when the child expresses fear for the first time, parents may wish to give the child a big hug first, telling him that she will protect him and not worry.
Finally, guide the child to face the fear and become a solid backing for the child.
For things that exceed the child's cognition and cause the child to be afraid, parents may wish to accompany their children to face it bravely.
For example: accompanying children who are afraid of the dark, carefully observing every corner of the room, eliminating the sense of fear of the unknown; looking for the source of strange sounds, seeing what is really...
As for the fear of danger, parents can lead by example and experience the sports that seem "dangerous" with their children to see if it is really that scary.
As for the child's fear of criticism, parents can empathize with their children: "Mom especially understands you, and I am also afraid of leading criticism." However, we can think about it, how can we not be criticized? ”
Guide the child's fear psychology to how to solve the problem, so that the child can correctly face the "little monster" of fear.
In the end, the child is afraid because of the lack of security about the unknown, which is the only way for the child to grow up.
At this time, parents must give their children enough love and security to help their children learn the ability to be brave and confident and become a better version of themselves!
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| La Mama, a multi-platform contracted author, likes to read classic parenting and psychology books, and focuses on scientific parenting and parent-child emotions. If you like my text, please follow me and discuss it together.
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