In daily life, the capricious attitude of parents is not uncommon.
For example, parents often make demands to their children, but after a while the requirements change without warning, and then blame the children for not meeting the new requirements; clearly promise to let the children go out to play, but soon regret it; it is difficult to fulfill the promise with the child, but the process is extremely impatient, saying some complaints, discouraged words...
UNICEF classifies this capricious and uncertain attitude of parents as a form of implicit abuse, noting that 67 per cent of Chinese families with children aged 3-6 have emotionally tortured their children. Nearly 10 percent of these parents are educated in this form of implicit abuse, unaware of it.
Yu Minhong said: "If parents are capricious, children will inevitably have a sense of fear and escape, can not see their own value, and have a strange temper." ”
Therefore, as a parent, in the process of getting along with your child, your attitude towards everything should be as good as possible from the beginning, and avoid testing your child with capriciousness.
Parents' attitudes are fickle, and children's personality traits are blurred
If parents always put their children in a state of confusion, it is bound to affect their children.
After the death of Hollywood star Joan Crawford, her adopted daughter Christina wrote a book called Mommy, in which she recounted Joan's capricious state.
Once, Christina and Joan returned home from a banquet, and she hung expensive children's clothes on a wire hanger, as her mother Joan had always asked. But what she didn't expect was that Joan had already forgotten the order, so she scolded Christina, believing that she should not use a wire hanger, but instead should use a high-grade hanger, and beat her up.
This made Christina very aggrieved: "Obviously you made me hang with a wire before." ”
At this time, Joan did not show the appearance of an adult at all, but said: "Then you should also think of using a high-grade hanger." ”
Her mother's constantly remorseful, contradictory personality made Christina walk on thin ice. Christina's energy is spent almost every day speculating on Joan's mind, coping with Joan's constantly changing requirements, and even basically having no life of her own, feeling insignificant.
Under this pressure, she remained extremely withdrawn as an adult.
Parents are reasonable and have an attitude from one end to the other
There is more room for the formation of the child's personality
Psychologists have found that 3 to 12 years old is the most critical stage in the development of children's personality formation, especially at 3-6 years old, children have a hazy thinking about ideals and lifestyles, and begin to identify personal characteristics from self-appreciation and acceptance.
It is precisely because of this age characteristic that many children will continue to emphasize personal characteristics. Things like "Teacher, do you know what I like to eat?" I like to eat fries, pizza, I like to eat things that are easy to catch fire. Or "Teacher, last week I bought a fairy tale book full of princesses, and I like to read princess stories the most." ”
The reason why children can explore themselves is closely related to the attitude of their parents to respond.
When the parents have a stable attitude, demand from the beginning, do not be capricious, and do not frequently regret, the child can explore freely and safely from it, find out what he likes and dislikes, and forms his own style of doing things, without the need to do things according to the face of the parents.
These are of great significance for children's self-identification and the formation of independent and perfect personalities.
To give children the space to shape their personality, the attitude of parents is very critical
In order to give children enough room for personality development, parents can cultivate in attitudes like this:
(1) When keeping the promise of the child, do not be discouraged, do not complain
I once saw such a news: in order to let his daughter eat well in kindergarten, her father promised her to transform into a dinosaur to pick her up from school.
In order to realize this wish, the daughter did behave much better. So the father resolutely bought the dinosaur props and walked from the entrance of the kindergarten to the house to pick up his daughter, causing many side glances along the way.
Many parents say that dressing so fancy to pick up their children is inevitably a loss of face. But the father said that keeping the promise is to make the child happy, and if she dresses up as a dinosaur and worries about losing people and complaining, the child may feel that her preferences do not deserve to be respected.
Mo Zi said: "Words are spoken, and the body must be done." But for parents, it is not enough to act by example, but also to have a consistent attitude, not to complain, not to be discouraged, so that children can truly benefit from their promises.
(2) Give a clear signal of requirements and avoid capriciousness
As an instinctive human response, when we hear a request, we always react to that request, and so do children.
When a parent makes a request or a promise to his child, expecting or intending to comply is his reaction.
At this time, if the parents are capricious, often renege on their words, or do not act according to their own plans, it is inevitable that the children will be confused.
Over time, the child can't figure out which sentence of the parent's words can be believed, which sentence cannot be believed, which sentence should be obeyed, which sentence should not be, speculating on the parent's mind has become the child's first priority, and there is no room for self-discovery.
To be good parents, we must also practice continuously. Let our state tend to be stable, more patient, less complaining and capricious, and set our sights on the angle that is more conducive to the long-term development of children.
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