01
It's sad that children don't obey
For most parents, raising children is really a process of trial and error.
On the weekend, Tuanzi's mother and friends went out for afternoon tea, and for two hours, the topic was all about the children.
Friends have been confused recently, she said that she did not know why, now the child has become unheard of her, things to say or emphasize once does not work, you have to lose your temper to do it.
My friend's temper is really good, I've never seen her lose her temper with a child, everything is discussed and communicated very well. It is really difficult for the mother of the regiment to imagine how naughty the child is, so that it makes such a gentle person lose his temper.
Friends said that every time you arrive at the meal point, calling the child to eat is a big problem, no matter how to shout, the child is not moved, you must shout 5-6 times. However, it is not bad to shout a few times to eat, more often than not, they carry their children to the table, otherwise the children will not eat.
Considering that this kind of behavior is not good, friends have seriously told the child about this problem several times, but the child admitted his mistake at that time, and after a few days, he returned to the old way.
It's really worrying!
02
Why doesn't your child want to listen to you?
In fact, the reason why children always say things to parents is always in the left ear and out of the right ear, most of the reasons are because the communication between the two is wrong!
The gap between communication between adults and children is mostly due to the following reasons:
● Parents speak too "routinely": For the safety of their children, parents will always say some forbidden words to their children, such as, "no, can't, don't, don't allow", etc., which is also a common disease of most parents.
Previously, in the show "Mama is Superman" 2, Mayashu took two children to the vegetable market, and the son was very curious about everything there, always thinking of touching fish and touching vegetables, but as soon as his hand was extended, his mother Mayashu would say loudly, "Don't touch that, it's too dirty."
But the more parents prohibit it, the more the child will feel fun, the more they want to touch, and over time, they will naturally ignore what the parents say.
1) Parents talk too coldly: When children happily ask you questions, but you are always absent-minded, using words such as "um, yes, good" to perfunctory them, and even sometimes think that they are too noisy, it is simply 100,000 whys!
But communication is a two-way street, and children will also feel the coldness of adults, and gradually, they will not talk to us more.
2) Parents are too confused: the child's world is always full of questions, and when they encounter something, they always want to understand it, and then they will turn to adults for help.
For the child's whimsical questions, adults are also overwhelmed, and they can't make up an answer to tell the child at will, so they have to honestly say, "I don't know, baby, do you know?" ”
But what will the children think? Once or twice is not okay, but if it is long-term, they will feel that they can't get an answer if they ask their parents anyway, so they simply don't look for them, or ask others.
3) Parents speak too harshly
Sometimes when they are wronged at school, the first person a child wants to talk to must be his parents.
For example, the child has a fight with his classmates at school, and when he comes home to talk to his parents, his father always opens his mouth, "Why are you so useless, such a big man can't even win against others, I see that you are so big." ”
The fact that children can talk to us is trusting us, and we should be relieved, not that opening our mouths is a bitter criticism. If we are all like this, do we still expect our children to have something to tell us later?
03
Learn the right way to handle it
Children, sometimes, are not really disobedient, but the communication with parents is not correct. In fact, it is not difficult to want children to obey, just pay attention to the way you speak.
1) Say no more a second time
For kids who are addicted to cartoons, hunger really isn't much! Every time I called my children to eat, I always urged them over and over again, and finally I had to put the rice in front of them.
But have you ever seen the instructors shout the slogan of military training a second time?
If you shout several times and the child doesn't listen, then you can try to do this: walk up to the child, stare at him, and don't laugh. When the child knows something is wrong, he will look at you, at which point we will only say, "Turn off the TV and eat." ”
If the child is still thunderous, continue to stare. In general, children will feel a little embarrassed, we can encourage them, saying that "children who eat on time are good children", and children should honestly go to dinner.
2) Do what you say
Still take the example of the child not eating, if the child still does not come to eat in the case of us shouting several times, then some measures can be taken.
It's like, "If you don't eat now, you'll have nothing to eat," and "I've called you many times, which means you're not hungry. ”
When these words are said, the child may feel a little unaccustomed, but he will still stubbornly stop talking. When they have the mood on hand and want to eat, we can't compromise and tell them, "This meal is over, and if you want to eat, you can only wait for the next meal", so that the child will realize the seriousness of the matter and correct it.
3) Take care of your child's emotions
The busy pace of life makes us more or less ignore the emotions of children. Like, we use the weekend time to let the children practice the piano, looking down at the sullen women, we see it and we will omit it.
When children are upset, we can try to ask them, "Are you angry now?" "You're not happy because you're not satisfied with the decision your mother made, right?" ”
In fact, in the process of asking, we are also dispelling the bad emotions in the child's heart. Moreover, it can also make children understand that they are respected and understood, and it is more conducive to their acceptance of arrangements.
In real life, we always emphasize that when problems arise, parents should communicate patiently with their children and solve them together.
But looking back, what we see is that parents are blindly judging with their own thinking, telling their children what they should do and how to do it is right, and they simply cannot communicate ideas with their children.
We can't always give orders, we need to be a proper listener, we can't control what our children think, but we can give them the right advice.
Only in this way can the communication between parents and children not be estranged, and even if it appears, it can be resolved in a timely manner.