I am a stay-at-home mom, a stay-at-home mom who is constantly fulfilling her self-worth. Reject anxiety, refuse "inner volume", easy parenting, rational treatment of married life, tolerant response to the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, I hope that some of my views can make you suddenly enlightened, can bring you positive energy, and solve your practical problems.
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When her college roommate got married, she said that if she wanted a son, she just liked him.
After 2 years of marriage, she became pregnant and finally gave birth to a big fat boy as she wished.
Later, everyone got married one after another, gave birth to a baby, and she had the idea of having a second child.
"No matter what, we must also have a daughter, and we will not stop if we do not have a daughter."
Later, she was lucky to have a second child and gave birth to a daughter as she wished.
When talking about why she had a daughter, she said: "Having a son, I am reluctant to invest in my son, I want to raise my son, and I also have to save money for my son to get married. We calculated, these twenty years should be able to earn enough, but also richer, have a daughter, invest well, cultivate well, and find a better family than us in the future, brother and sister to help each other, isn't it very good? ”
When I was in college, everyone said that she could calculate, and sure enough, she could calculate, and she had children and raised children, all of which were so accurately calculated.
But the questions she was thinking about were all real problems.
If you have to choose, you can have a daughter, if you don't have to choose, you can do whatever you want
When the weather is warm, I often take the baby to the garden in the center of the community to play, where there are more children, more adults, adults chat, children are lively together, half a day will come.
Every year in the community, newborns are born, and it is often possible to see expectant mothers with big bellies walking in the community.
There is an extra mother-to-be in the central garden, her eyes are always staring at the girl, and an aunt asks her: "It seems that you like girls, do you want to have a daughter?" ”
She nodded yes, on the one hand, she felt that girls were well-behaved and did not have any effort to bring up, on the other hand, she wanted to have a daughter and cultivate her well, and she was confident that she could raise her daughter very well.
"Isn't it still possible to cultivate a son?"
The mother-to-be smiled and shook her head and said: "This is not the truth, having a son, but also to save money for him, when the time comes to buy a new house, this house must be given to him, raise a son in Nanjing, can not prepare 2 million for him?" Can you marry a daughter-in-law without a daughter-in-law? ”
"The son has interest, he repays the loan, the down payment is more than 1 million, the car is not bought well, it also needs 200,000, the wedding is not good, prepare 300,000, the bride price is not to mention, we are a working family, if you have a son, go to public school, and the son will not eat turtles in the future."
"How good it is to have a daughter, as long as you invest this money in your daughter, give your child a good school, lay a good social foundation for your child, and then give your child a few interest classes, cultivate it well, and look for a partner in the future, it will definitely be better than our life."
"If you have to choose to give birth to a daughter, if you don't have to choose to give birth to anything, it is a heart and liver baby, but the cultivation method is different."
Sons and daughters also cost money, but the use of money is different
The mother-to-be just said what everyone was talking about.
There are several children in the community, about the same age as my baby, the child will be three years old after the New Year, when it comes to school, they do not hesitate to choose the cheapest school near the community for the child, the reason is: raising a son is not the same as raising a daughter, there is money to provide a good for the child, no money is even if it is important to save money, the son is a disgrace to marry a daughter-in-law when he is an adult.
But fortunately, in Nanjing, the children have grown up, even if the daughter, as long as the parents have the conditions, they will prepare a house for the daughter and prepare a rich dowry.
However, if it is such a family, the conditions of the son-in-law's family are even more substantial.
Just like when I worked at the company before, everyone joked that if a girl has two houses in her name, then her marriage partner must have more than two houses in her name.
But if a boy has two houses in his name, his marriage partner will generally not be better than this condition.
The company has a boy of 98 years, who has been on a blind date, but has not found the right one, he is a native of Nanjing, with two houses under his name, he wants to find a family with the same conditions, or a demolition household, but such a family simply does not look at him.
Everyone joked with him: "You, don't dream, don't talk about the demolition of the family, that is, the girl who has two apartments under her name, her parents can't look down on you, if you don't lower the standard, you can't find it." ”
When we truly understand this truth, we truly understand the difference between adopting a son and adopting a daughter.
Parents who raise daughters can invest more in their children, broaden their children's horizons, and invest in their children's educational resources, which will become their children's advantages.
But families with sons really dare not do this, in the end to leave a way back, after all, 10 years after graduation can afford to buy their own houses and cars are still a minority.
Children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren, parents should not be too anxious
The reason is such a truth, but if parents have been preparing for their children, they will always feel regrets and anxiety.
Invest in children, or pay attention to the cultivation of children's independence, parents have the ability, prepare everything for children, parents do not have the ability, or let the children go their own way.
Children are independent early, have a sense of responsibility, have a sense of purpose, and are more meaningful than parents preparing a few million for their children.
There is a relative in his hometown, his parents have limited conditions and insufficient ability, and people say that sooner or later his family will have to lose sight of his two sons and cannot afford to marry his daughter-in-law.
In the local house, you must have a car ticket to marry your daughter-in-law, and you can beat a bare stick without money.
However, his two sons, one born in 96 and one born in 93, have now relied on their own ability to earn money to buy a house and a car, and have also married and started a family, especially the younger son is very capable, and he has started a factory and opened a tobacco hotel at a young age.
This is probably because the parents have raised two sons too early, and the two children have been independent since childhood, and they have been mixed in society for a long time, and they have mastered the way of survival, and naturally they will get better and better.
If there are conditions, we will provide children with good educational resources, provide children with a good material foundation, let children stand on the shoulders of their parents, there is no need to create conditions without conditions, because they cannot be created at all, the only way is to guide children to become independent and self-reliant, responsible people, and the child's road will be wider and wider.