Parents at the bottom always keep reasoning with their children to ruin their children's future
Parents always feel that their children are the cutest people in the world, but there are always a few moments when parents feel very angry and feel that it is really difficult to raise children.
This moment may be the kind of minefield where the child keeps stepping into the parents' minefield, or even the kind that tests the parents' bottom line back and forth.
The child is still indifferent to the words that have been listened to eight hundred times, leaving only the parents alone where to sulk, in fact, this scene is still quite funny to think.
The child cannot understand the reason, and only by personally feeling it can he understand the helplessness of this, as if the child's memory is only seven seconds, and the things that have been said turn around and forget.
The only people who can really get the left ear out of the right ear are their own children.
Or the child will be more strange is that once he is left there, he will feel that he does not hate him, and immediately his heart will be fragile.
Or once the child is loudly spoken, the child will start crying, making trouble and hanging himself.
Dealing with this situation, the parents really surrendered their weapons directly.
But shouldn't we also explore the reasons behind children's disobedience?
01
Repeating the same thing over and over again can be a burden on your child
With the continuous development of society, the parenting model is no longer popular in stick education, but what many people do not realize is that the moderate education model will also have drawbacks.
People who adopt this kind of education are often unaware of the power of language, so it is easy for parents to enter the dead cycle of constant preaching to their children.
It's easy for parents to bring up the same thing over and over again, trying to get their kids carved into their minds.
But they forget that sometimes children just want to share their lives with their parents, but parents compare their classmates with their children, criticize them if they are worse than their classmates, and say not to get too close to him if they are better than their classmates.
But in fact, children just want to share their lives and don't want to hear any big truths.
There is an issue in Metamorphosis that fits this very well.
Although the father has always maintained a gentle attitude, his mouth has always been saying his big truth, and there is no case of the father criticizing the child in this process.
But the child's expression has always shown a very impatient expression, and after listening to it, he just turned his head perfunctorily and continued to play his game.
The father still staged a preaching scene when his daughter arrived in the countryside, and afterwards the daughter also spoke the truth in the interview, as if she was guilty.
In fact, language is very powerful, but now many people are always unaware that all the truths that ignore the listener's feelings are not reasonable.
02
Distinguish between what is truth and what is preaching
I don't know if parents will reflect on themselves and seriously recall what they just said to their children after the incident has happened.
If you have seriously reflected on it, it should not be difficult to find some of these "truths", in fact, preaching, reasoning can not make them change bad habits, but preaching can.
It is said that the church puts parents on the opposite side of the child, and at this time, the child will not agree with what the parents say, or even remember it in their minds.
Maybe in his eyes he has automatically blocked this kind of discourse, and he understands the big truth, but he still can't live this life well.
Children actually know a lot of truth, but it does not mean that they are willing to implement it if they know how to do it, then there are not so many parenting problems.
At this stage, children are most concerned about empathy and general dialogue, and only from the child's perspective can it really be possible to communicate frankly with children.
Each stage should do the corresponding stage of things, so do not stand in the perspective of the people who come to the child to preach, do not force the child to grow up.
Sometimes the truth is not a straightforward statement, but more acceptable is the experience gained in the process of reviewing.
03
What can we do beyond education?
In fact, the child has a rough understanding of right and wrong, he knows whether he has done wrong, but he more or less likes to play "Laipi".
This kind of "Laipi" occurs when children feel that their parents only know how to be reasonable and do not care about their feelings, and they will lose their temper.
Obviously, the child is doing something wrong, but it feels like a parent who is wrong.
At this time, it is best to stop the reasonable behavior, because re-talking will only increase the child's disgust.
When faced with the contradiction between the child and his father, as an intermediary, I will appear in time, in addition to reconciling the atmosphere, I will also show the attitude of understanding the child but not allowing the child to continue to do it.
Dads who see disputes resolved perfectly usually have a look of disbelief.
Why does this happen so often?
It's just that parents often forget that their children are starting from their own point of view, and they don't know how to think differently at this time.
04
Sometimes silence is better than sound
Sometimes it is impossible to tell all the truths to the child, one is that the child has not experienced it and cannot understand, and the other is that the child cannot internalize it by entering a large number of truths in a short period of time.
Sometimes I really have heard a lot of truths, but I still can't live this life well.
So there are some things that children experience on their own, which are more profound and useful than telling them about them.
After all, there is no basis for empty words, and the only thing that can convince you is that you have truly experienced it once.
Sometimes silence is better than sound, and letting go of the hand allows children to experience it for themselves, which is more meaningful than anything.
As people who have come here, we know how this truth came from, but children who have not experienced it will only feel that what adults say is just empty words and not enough to believe.
My child is really stubborn, and has a kind of demeanor of not hitting the south wall, but my mother-in-law is also a person who is idle and has nothing to do and loves to worry about others.
In the early winter of a certain year, when heating had just begun, the child did not know how cold it was outside indoors, and she did not have the concept of temperature difference in her mind at that time.
When it was time for the child to go downstairs to play, the child had to go out without dissuading him to wear only one piece of clothing, after which Grandma could not stand it.
I saw the child running like this to deliver clothes to the child, but the child did not receive the love of the grandmother.
Coming and going, the two people misunderstood each other.
The child thinks that the grandmother will not let her go out to play, and the grandmother thinks that the child does not listen to her.
Just as things were about to get worse, I showed up again.
I expressed my understanding to my child that she would not wear more than one piece, because wearing too thick is not conducive to playing mothers is understanding.
But it's really cold outside, Grandma is afraid that you wear so little cold, you have to understand Grandma's approach.
At this time, you go out and stand on the balcony to feel the real temperature, and if you can accept it, then go straight downstairs to play, you don't have to wear a coat.
The child who really felt the cold finally put on his clothes.
So sometimes parents don't need to say that much.