The day before yesterday in a restaurant,
At that time, the mother took a spoon and fed porridge to the mouth of the 3-year-old child, and the child said "hot".
Mom yelled, "Where's the hot! You just don't want to eat! ”
The child was stunned, and I was stunned.
"Get me in trouble all day and annoy me!" Mom said indignantly.
Looking at the child's appearance, he was distressed and sighed.
Write at the end:
There is a concept in clinical psychology called "verbal abuse", also known as "invisible mental violence". If you think your child is bad and belittle him, he will also feel that he is worthless.
A study by American sociologist Morrie Strauss showed that 90% of parents in families with parent-child problems have yelled at their children.
The findings of Martin A. Teicher, an associate professor at Harvard Medical School, are even more striking:
Children who have been subjected to verbal violence for a long time have reduced volumetric volume of their hippocampus (a key brain region for memory formation) and callosum (bundles of nerve fibers that connect the left and right brains).
This shows that the child's memory and reaction speed are significantly reduced, and the IQ will be directly affected!
Of course, I believe that none of the parents meant it.
We want him to be better, but we don't know that it will only make him worse.
It's just that we ignored it.
Ignoring the initial expectation of the child in that belly: health is good. Ignoring our blessings to our infant children: growing up in peace.
Ignore our prayer for a hundred days: be a happy child.
Although some words are only in a hurry and do not choose words, they will leave a mark on the child's childhood and affect the life.
We are all ordinary parents, and it is inevitable that we will make mistakes; but we are also growing, working hard, and doing better.
First, stop your emotions
Second, more summary and reflection, to find the right way to communicate is more useful than yelling 100 sentences
Third, try to use some communication skills
Sometimes, the child is not ignorant, he really can't hear, walk up to the child, look at him, tell him.
Finally, I would like to share a form, which is implemented in Germany, where "children's psychological problems" are frequent, and they begin to assess the psychological state of each child from kindergarten. In the physical examination after the age of 6, the pediatrician will ask every parent to fill it out.
It is recommended that you collect it and take a self-test once a year between the ages of 6 and 13:
Has your child had the following in the last six months (if taking the medicine, rule out the effects of the medicine):
Of course, if it appears, don't be too scared, worry.
Because some behaviors themselves have age characteristics, they will gradually disappear as children age: such as bedwetting, hand gnawing, fear of darkness, touching ears, and fetishes.
But we can use these 66 as a kind of help signal -
Your child may be in need of your help.
Parents and children, but only for a few decades.
Home should be warm, healing, affectionate, companionship, not yelling, creating a black hole of childhood shadows.
It's not that the child is obedient, we communicate well,
It is because of good communication that he learns to be obedient.
It's not because the child is good that we love him.
But because of our love, he will be better.