New Year's Eve, happy New Year's Day, there are still 6 days before the Spring Festival, is your baby waiting for it?
But did you know that some children are looking forward to the New Year with joy, and some children are afraid to resist the New Year.
Because they will always encounter something that makes them embarrassed or disgusted.
This year's New Year's Visit relatives, do not do these 4 things to the child, otherwise it may hurt the child for a lifetime.
01 Don't ask your child about your grades in public
This problem can be said to be quite common, friends and family get together, as long as there are children, it is indispensable to talk about grades.
Either want to compare, or out of concern or curiosity, but in either case, it is not very respectful to the child.
"How many points did you get on the final exam?" Is there a certificate? ”
Bringing out the child's achievements in front of the child and discussing it is tantamount to "public execution".
It's like, as an adult, being asked in public how much we're paid and what position it is now.
Who do you say is not bothered?
If it is used as a teaching material again, compared with "other people's children", the child must not be ashamed and embarrassed, and he is eager to find a seam to drill into.
Children also have face and self-esteem, and children's hearts are more fragile and sensitive.
Not asking about a child's grades is the basic etiquette that every adult should have.
As parents, we should help our children maintain their dignity, which motivates them to realize their potential.
First of all, we must have this awareness and avoid actively talking about our children's grades in front of everyone.
But what if relatives ask?
If you are not in a position to refute directly, you can use some neutral words to euphemistically help your child answer.
Like what:
"It's okay, the teacher said that this child is still working hard, the progress is quite fast, as long as the child works hard, we are at ease."
This does not hurt the child's self-esteem, but also gives the child a positive hint, teachers and parents believe that they can get better, and must continue to cheer in the future.
Relatives who ask for results hear such an answer and will not ask the question anymore.
The relief of parents is a blessing worth remembering for a lifetime for children.
02 Don't force your child to call someone
A colleague said that when she was a child, one of the things she feared most was to "call people" when she went to relatives.
Every time I met a relative, my mother would ask her, "Do you know what to call it?" Hurry up! ”
She kept her head down and didn't say a word, because she didn't really know what to call it.
At this time, relatives will quip: "The child is so old, I must know, it is shy, right?" ”
Seeing that she still did not open her mouth, her mother would angrily accuse her of being rude, and that kind of embarrassment, she still remembers it vividly.
In addition to not knowing what to shout, there are many children, who know how to call people, but they still refuse to open their mouths.
What are these kids thinking?
In fact, this is related to the child's internal self-protection mechanism.
Children are usually "shy", especially two- and three-year-olds, although they can already talk, but they will resist the discomfort caused by unfamiliar magnetic fields.
When children see relatives they haven't met much, they need to have a process of adaptation, which is also their need for self-protection.
Those who are introverted may have a longer process of adaptation, so learning to shout is slower.
Studies have proved that 20% of children are born shy, some children will be shy at a certain special stage, and some children will be shy until they are 6 years old.
When children are not willing to shout, do not force them, and do not casually label children as "impolite", and have enough patience to guide slowly.
You can prepare with your child in advance, tell your child that relatives and friends have met to say hello, and then tell your child who are the relatives you want to see later, and if you have a photo, you can show it to your child.
Met and took the initiative to help the child introduce:
"This is your aunt, this is your second aunt..."
The child is mentally prepared in advance, and when he sees a strange relative, he is not so nervous.
If your child really doesn't want to shout, we can teach him a different way of greeting.
For example, say hello with body gestures such as "smiling, nodding, and waving.".
03 Don't force your child to perform
The girlfriend said that when she thought of returning to her hometown for the New Year, she was worried, because her mother-in-law always liked to force her 6-year-old daughter to perform at family gatherings.
She has communicated with her mother-in-law many times, saying that this is not good for her daughter, and that the child is an independent person, not a tool for adults to entertain.
As soon as the old man heard this, he was anxious, saying that his own granddaughter who did not treat her as a person, and said that the child spent so much money to report for interest classes, and could not even sing a song and dance, that is not a white study.
What makes her most speechless is that her husband also feels that it is a good thing to let her children perform in public, which can exercise courage and self-confidence and increase expression ability.
It is true that it is not a bad thing for children to perform in public, but the question is whether the children themselves are willing to do so.
In fact, many children are quite disgusted by being asked by their parents to perform their talents in public.
The performance is good, the crowd has seen the music, and the pressure money is given;
If you can't put it on the show, you should be "ridiculed" by adults: how can the courage be so small, what is there to be embarrassed about...
This gives the child the feeling, to put it ugly, like a circus monkey, let others play.
Especially the orders and mandatory requirements of parents, the harm to children may be greater than you think.
First of all, it will exacerbate the child's social fear and make the child become more and more socially afraid.
Secondly, it is easy for children to breed vanity, and letting children continue to perform will breed vanity.
The famous economist Steve Landsberg once said:
"Human beings sometimes regard the vanity of overcoming their opponents as more important than the search for the truth, so they are always busy comparing and competing, which causes us to forget that the original purpose is only to let the children have a better development." 」
The purpose of our children learning talents is not to "show off", not to "face", not to "compare", but to let children become better selves and have more choices in the future.
Even if the child's talent is not as good as others, there is no need to worry.
There is a saying in the movie "Stars on Earth" that says it well:
Child, you don't need to do everything as well as everyone else, you just need to discover the brightest side of yourself, you are a unique star on this earth.
04 Don't make your child ugly in public
At the New Year's party, some parents took pleasure in their children's troubles and made everyone laugh; some parents saw that their children had made mistakes, indiscriminately, and taught their children a lesson in public.
This kind of public behavior of making children ugly will deeply hurt children's self-esteem.
Being told a bad thing, being exposed in public, being ridiculed and ridiculed is the childhood nightmare of every child.
There was a hot topic on Zhihu:
The most effective way to destroy a child is to educate the child in public and make the child ugly.
Psychologically speaking, making children ugly in public will cause the psychology of escaping mistakes and being afraid of socialization, the idea of self-shame and self-pity, self-confidence being hit, and becoming more and more inferior.
Sometimes it only takes a moment to destroy a child's self-esteem, but it can take a lifetime for the child to regain self-confidence and dignity.
The American psychologist William James once said:
The deepest need of human nature is to desire the affirmation and praise of others.
Children especially need affirmation and approval from their parents, and when they see that the mistakes they have made or the troubles they have done are used as a talking point and are randomly teased by adults, they will lose trust in their parents and it is difficult to open their hearts to their parents.
Don't say bad things about your children in front of others!
Publicly exposing the child's shortness and making the child ugly is equivalent to putting the child's dignity and face naked on the ground, allowing others to trample and point.
Keep your mouth shut, and don't speak without a mouth;
Do not expose the child's shortness, do not let the child be ugly in public,
This is the greatest cultivation of parenting.
In the New Year, everyone wants to have fun, but don't base your happiness on the child's heartbreak.
Children's self-esteem needs the careful care of parents, and may we all be good guardians of the soul.