After experiencing divorce, job hopping and the highlights of life, I ushered in the awakening moment of women's thirty-year-olds

Text | Microscopic story, author | Xiao Bei, Editor | Outstanding

Some time ago, in the popular female group portrait TV series "Love is Delicious", there was a famous line, "Economic independence has an independent personality." ”

This sentence is regarded as the most reasonable quote by many 25+ girls.

In the secular context, people often say "thirty and standing", but no one knows, what is true independence?

Especially in modern society, as a woman always have to weigh too many aspects, economy, marriage, work, family, how to find an independent optimal solution?

This issue of Microscopy tells the story of a group of women who aspire to "stand in their thirties", among them:

Some people have encountered unfortunate marriages, but she has not given up looking for her own life direction, after many obstacles, she has become a lawyer with a firm heart, ushering in her own "thirty and standing"; some people have tried the "highlight moment" of life at the age of 20, but after the wind has passed, she is confused about whether her light can be sustained, and finally firmly embarked on the road of entrepreneurship;

Some people think that "thirty and standing" is not achieved overnight, but comes from every choice, effort and persistence on the road of life, interpreting the power of time with their own experience.

Reading their lives may help you add a reference answer when looking for an independent life.

Here are the true stories about them:

01 Don't make a mistake in marriage to meet the right person

The age of 30 is of great significance to Cheng Xiaoqing. This year, her life was like a ship turning around, going in another direction.

Cheng Xiaoqing got married when she graduated, and at that time her husband was the one who made her look up, and Cheng Xiaoqing was dependent on him.

After marriage, Cheng Xiaoqing worked in a stable but low-paying job, playing the role of wife and mother in a disciplined manner, but rarely thinking about what she wanted, and most of the time in her life she was going with the flow.

"I'm a relatively late bloomer, in my twenties, and I don't think very well about many things, including the management of marriage and self-worth."

At that time, she did not have the concept of marriage, still using pampering and tantrums to deal with the contradictions in life, and later because of the contradictions between the elders of the two sides, the potential problems of the two were stimulated, and the relationship between husband and wife also began to crack.

In the seventh year of marriage, Cheng Xiaoqing discovered that the man was cheating, and it was also at that time that Cheng Xiaoqing decided to divorce and start his life again.

Ending a failed marriage makes Cheng Xiaoqing very wary of the various risks that may exist in life, which also derives from the fact that even if she jumps ship and looks for a job, she will be cautious about every olive branch handed over by the headhunter.

During that time, Cheng Xiaoqing developed a habit of listening to a friend's introduction that Tianyancha can search for the company's shareholder background, litigation information, and whether there is judicial risk.

Therefore, every job introduced by the headhunter, Cheng Xiaoqing will search for corporate information on it, "I don't want to open the next period of work casually, the marriage has failed, and the work should be taken seriously."

With more than ten years of work experience, Cheng Xiaoqing has been engaged in legal work most of the time, from the beginning of wanting to get rid of legal work, to gradually compromising and accepting the law, and finally in the long-term companionship with the law, he found the goodwill and "beauty" of the law.

For example, Cheng Xiaoqing found that the legislative principles between marriage and general partnership in the Civil Code and Marriage Code and the Partnership Enterprise Law are so similar.

"Getting married, to some extent, is like two people starting a company together, they will establish a contractual relationship, work together for a certain goal, take on the responsibilities or liabilities of the business together, each other can commit to doing something in the name of the family (or business), and so on."

Looking back at her marriage, Cheng Xiaoqing realized that neither she nor her ex-husband had the consciousness of running a marriage, nor a unified life goal, let alone working together to solve the problem, which led to the unhappiness of the "husband and wife partnership".

Life experience, changes, and perhaps the influence of legal work, Cheng Xiaoqing will use dialectical, independent thinking to look at everything around her, but also cultivate her independent thinking and risk prevention awareness.

In her work, she is accustomed to adding cooperative customers and customer-related suppliers to the Monitoring List.

Once, the monitor list suddenly jumped out of the dynamics of a company, the enterprise was filed for bankruptcy.

The company signed an agreement with Cheng Xiaoqing's customer, the customer also invested a lot of money, after seeing the prompt, Cheng Xiaoqing immediately contacted the customer to let him declare his creditor's rights.

Under the reminder of Cheng Xiaoqing, the customer quickly completed the process and recovered a part of the investment money, the other party thanked her very much, and Cheng Xiaoqing also felt fortunate.

"As a twenty-something self, I must have ignored it with a big grin, but now I don't easily let the risk exist, unless I predict that I can bear it after this risk occurs."

Friends around her often ask her to consult on legal issues in her life, all of which make Cheng Xiaoqing more confident and determined to take a new step in the workplace and engage in the profession of lawyer.

Cheng Xiaoqing still remembers the confusion when she was just divorced, when the psychologist told her to find a quiet place and record what she wanted to do and what she could do in the future.

When Cheng Xiaoqing did so, he found that most of the original chaotic thoughts were controlled by emotions, and it was possible to "find the thread in the chaotic wool" by removing these emotional obstacles.

Answering more consultations, Cheng Xiaoqing realized that there were many people who had no concept of legal knowledge. "Because many people don't know and are unfamiliar, they ignore that the law is actually a tool that the public can use," Cheng Xiaoqing said, "Knowing how the law protects us is also a kind of wisdom in life." “

Cheng Xiaoqing began to open a channel on the video platform to popularize the legal knowledge of women's marriage, talk about how the personal rights and interests of workers in their work, how home buyers can avoid risks, how inheritance is stipulated in law, etc., hoping to make the law a tool to help the public.

For Cheng Xiaoqing, what stands is her independent personality, the continuous income brought by her professional knowledge, and the sense of value that she tries to achieve self-realization.

Not obsessed with false "highlight moments", I want to shine on my own

In the past few years when Fu Ning ran towards the "Thirty and Standing", he experienced roller coaster-like ups and downs.

She was young and promising, and at the age of 20, she participated in "One Stop to the End" and won the world famous school championship, and was on the hot search.

Just that summer, Fu Ning was still interning at Phoenix TV in London, often participating in the activities of the British royal family, reporting on the visits of senior Chinese leaders to the UK, and also entering the British Prime Minister's Office at 10 Downing Street to report.

"At that time, the whole person was living in the light", Fu Ning was complacent at first, feeling that she had gained achievements that were difficult for others to achieve in 10 years, but after a long time, she was a little panicked, "How long can this light last?" ”

Fu Ning knew in her heart that she was just a participant in these programs, "like the moon, it always needs the sun to shine to become bright, but it does not have the ability to shine."

Thinking about this, Fu Ning decided to leave these lights and do something practical.

She returned to school to continue her studies in economics, and after graduation, she joined a certain level of market venture capital fund to make equity investments, and achieved the position of investment director all the way in the industry.

This path is in stark contrast to the brilliance of the previous cameras, and for several years, the work intensity was so heavy that it was necessary to work until the early hours of the morning every day, with almost no personal time.

Every morning I get up and go to work, have meetings until 10 p.m., then go back to my workstation and start doing data models, writing reports, etc., and even if I can go home every night before 12 p.m. every week, thank god.

Many times in her work, she heard colleagues who graduated from prestigious schools tell her: "I'm leaving the company, this job is too difficult." ”

Because of the peculiarities of many projects, secrecy requires that the people in their group move to a conference room where there is no one, even if they have to answer questions with colleagues in the company.

But it was such a period of sitting on the cold bench and working at high pressure every day, which exercised her solid research skills and business analysis skills.

During the epidemic period, Fu Ning's investment work entered a short period of stagnation because she could not travel, but she did not stop, studied the production of financial science videos at home, became a well-known financial video creator, and achieved achievements in watermelon video and vibrato.

Due to the good development prospects of video content, Fu Ning also began his entrepreneurial career. The video has repeatedly appeared on the popularity of major platforms, the first place in the whole site of Weibo broadcasting, and the best popularity award of the first financial video competition.

During that time, Fu Ning got the investment of huayan capital, a well-known investment fund, and the company did not choose to do public relations publicity at that time, but Fu Ning found that the company's financing situation and investors were clearly recorded here on the Tianyan check.

This makes Fu Ning also have a heart eye in the future, after doing the video needs to search for relevant information, or the company has any financial changes, cooperation with other companies, she will go to the sky eye to check the information, "Here to grasp the industrial and commercial information, far more accurate than the network information, can reduce the cost of decision-making." ”

When she first got the investment, Fu Ning felt that she should make a little more money for investors, and she took making money as her goal of starting a business.

But over time, she found that making money her primary goal would disorient herself.

"If you put making money first, other things are put behind, it is easy to blindly choose, and you can't drive employees correctly."

"Later, I wanted to understand that the only child of my generation who grew up in a materially abundant environment was more important than increasing their salary by one or two thousand yuan and doing what they thought was valuable."

Yang Liping's words gave her a sense of empowerment: "In fact, making money is the easiest thing in the world, you only need to find a thing you like, and then do it to the extreme." Let the money run after you, not the other way around."

From the age of 20 to the present, Fu Ning has experienced highlights, experienced reflection, experienced immersion, and she has also begun to be clearer about the lower and upper limits of her cognition, which she divides into three aspects:

Handle the relationship between the self and the self to form an independent personality; handle the relationship between the self and others and obtain spiritual independence; handle the relationship between the self and money well and obtain economic independence.

When the "path" of the target is determined, there are many ways to help her get to that "path."

There are many torrents in life, and what she can do is actually think clearly, enforce it, and walk slowly, and maybe find a broader sky.

Thirty and standing, standing is the personality and spirit of the self, standing is the ability to resist external changes and economic ability, inner, external, psychological, material, when these directions can be self-reliant, the subsequent life, like entering a new beginning.

My "thirty and standing" accumulates every year, every step

For Li Duan, the basis of "thirty and standing" is economic independence.

After graduation, Li Duan came to Beijing from his hometown to work. As a person who works hard from third- and fourth-tier cities to first-tier cities, she will set herself a mandatory savings target of 10 to 15%, and plan to invest in wealth management after having certain asset reserves.

For Li Duan, almost all the changes in life are gradually formed in the accumulation of bits and pieces.

After she and her husband got married, even if the money in hand each month was only 10,000 yuan, she would also leave a part of the savings, and the remaining part of the financial management, "stable deposits, is a person's courage to rush forward."

In addition to stable savings, good at choosing your own career, and then diligent and hard work, is also the source of all of Li Duan's sense of security, "There are always accidents and various rejections in life, but as long as you guarantee continuous efforts, you can always walk on the way forward." ”

Li Duan has planned a clear career path for herself, and she will carefully assess the potential and risks of the other company when investing.

"What is the company's surname is very important", Li Duan believes, "the shareholder background is the cornerstone that determines the future development of a company", if a company has a relatively strong shareholder background, the future can often be promoted by many shareholders' resources.

"The information on Tianyan is more comprehensive and accurate, and if some large investment institutions are optimistic about this company, usually speaking, the company will not be too bad."

If it is a start-up, Li Duan will pay attention to the background of its founders - whether it is playing with capital or engaging in technology, and the characteristics of the company presented will be completely different.

At the same time, she will also pay attention to the litigation issues of the enterprise, if a company has litigation problems in the financing stage, then usually the problem of the enterprise is relatively large.

Through the screening of these conditions, Li Duan finally found and entered a private equity investment fund.

"Working alone from her hometown to Beijing is a process of continuous independence," Li Duan said, adding that in the first few years, she often called her parents when she was aggrieved, and even cried about the unfair things she encountered.

But in the following years, as she gradually gained a foothold in Beijing, Li Duan also learned to get rid of the dependence on the original family, digest and solve problems on her own, "this process is the process of gradual growth, gradually taking root in a city, and gradually standing in thirty." ”

Today, Li Duan's child has long been born smoothly, and after becoming a mother, she hopes to pass on this independent personality. "When I get along with my child, I will pay special attention to whether he can accomplish something independently, encourage and accompany him, and help him learn to be independent as soon as possible."

"We all talk about thirty and standing, but this 'standing' is not achieved overnight, it is the accumulation of various setbacks encountered in life and the various moments to solve setbacks, and in the year of thirty, another more mature personality is gradually formed," Li Duan said.

Under the slow flow of the long river of time, Li Duan felt like a small boat, trying to follow the current.

During the period, the small boat may encounter sand and gravel obstacles, but Li Duan can always calm down, think, and then slowly find a way to get around.

Today, with the help of stable savings and financial management, Li Duan can obtain income equivalent to a fixed salary through investment, and has also been promoted to senior vice president in the company, with a little more determination about the future.

postscript

What is it like to grow up? For several of the protagonists of the story, one action is convergent, which is "look back." ”

Cheng Xiaoqing looks back on everything he has experienced and will thank him for having the courage to divorce, jump ship, reflect on himself at the age of 30, and finally find a lawyer, a profession worth fighting for as a doctor.

Fu Ning thanked herself for not being lost in the highlight moment, but chose to start a business after self-precipitation, bravely embracing those uncertain possibilities, so that she realized that she could also shine.

Li Duan thanked her for her persistence and non-giving up, so that she could build a silhouette on the sketch of her life according to her own plan, and constantly add various wonderful colors.

In addition to helping herself reduce risks as much as possible in life choices, Shan Jia, who is about to turn 30, has also discovered another function of Tianyancha, "not only work and career, but also help you make more informed decisions in life."

Some friends around Shan Jia want to do medical beauty, but do not know how to choose a hospital, Shan Jia will use the eye check to help them confirm the qualification of the hospital, by checking the registered capital of the hospital, industrial and commercial information, business risks, news and public opinion, etc., to determine whether the hospital is reliable.

For example, the registered capital often needs to reach tens of millions, the business scope needs to include medical beauty diagnosis and treatment services, whether there are administrative penalties in the business risks, and whether there have been bad social events in the news and public opinion.

"From the age of 30 to now, I can feel it myself, my cognition of myself is clearer, and I can be more self-disciplined and self-controlled," Cheng Xiaoqing said, making good use of systematic and comprehensive information on professional platforms such as Tianyancha can help people make decisions more freely.

However, everything in the past is a prologue, and at the beginning of this new year, each of them has a new expectation for the future.

Thirty and standing, may every woman harvest an independent and new future.