Only children who are rich in their hearts can love themselves and others and harvest the happiness of life.
- Mother Deer
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Author | Mom Potatoes & Illustration | Chu Yun
Source| Daughter Pie Original (ID: nverpai)
I once read a question: If you have a child, how are you going to raise him?
A high praise answered, saying the voice of most parents:
"Whether you are rich materially or not, but spiritually, you must give enough children."
Because only children who are rich in their hearts can see their own advantages, accept their own shortcomings, do not show off, do not compare, and feel the happiness of the moment;
Only children with rich hearts can be indomitable in the face of setbacks and difficulties, independent and strong in the face of life's ups and downs;
Only children who are rich in their hearts can have the courage to say no, not be troubled by "hollow heart disease", strive towards their goals and dreams, have the ability to love themselves and others, and be happy for a lifetime.
If parents want to make their children's hearts full, they must hang the following 8 sentences on their lips.
"I'll accompany you"
On the roof where the teenager spoke, a group of children shouted at their parents:
"How many times a month can I see you?"
"What are you doing when I want you to talk to me?" Play mobile! ”
"Can you please accompany me?"
There is a term in psychology called "existential anxiety", which means that no matter what the child says or does, the parents are a cold and perfunctory attitude.
Over time, the child will feel that he has no sense of existence and is not loved.
Therefore, do not underestimate those ordinary little things, for children, with their parents to read the picture books, built blocks, walked on the path, every bit is the nourishment of love.
No matter how busy you are, please don't ignore your child, even if it is just to tell your child a story and say goodnight before going to bed;
No matter how tired, don't let the child wait too long, see and respond in time, don't let the child have everything, but the heart is desolate.
Parents are the best playmates for children, a "I accompany you", accompany the feelings, cultivate a sense of security and self-confidence.
"You're improving again"
I once read a letter from a child to his parents:
"My hands are small, and whatever you do, please don't ask me to be perfect;
My feet are short, please walk slowly so that I can keep up with you;
My eyes do not see the world like you, please let me observe everything slowly by myself;
My feelings are fragile, please don't scold all day, treat me like you treat yourself;
I need your constant encouragement not to criticize and hit me harshly from time to time. ”
In the eyes of parents, it is a trivial matter, but behind the child, it takes a lot of effort and effort.
The philosopher James said, "The most ardent requirement of human nature is the desire to be affirmed." ”
When your child is doing well, don't skimp on praise; when your child is improving, don't try to hit.
Education is all about convincing the child that he has the power to be better.
We give the child a little more time, patience and encouragement, and the child will have courage from the bottom of his heart and grow better.
"I love you forever"
"I don't want you" is a common trick used by parents to deal with their children," but while children are obedient on the surface, their inner sense of security is gradually being destroyed.
The child's dearest and most beloved person is his parents, and what he fears most is that his parents abandon him and hate him.
This temporary emotional abandonment is not corporal punishment, but a punishment that is colder than corporal punishment.
Parents blurt out a sentence of "don't want you" and "don't love you", which will only make the child live a life of caution, like walking on thin ice.
Psychologist Er Rogers said, "Love is deep understanding and acceptance." ”
When the child cries and loses his temper, the parent's "I love you" message to the child is:
I understand your feelings, and I accept your emotions.
No matter what happens, no matter what you become, you will always be my favorite child.
Love is the premise of all education, and only by confirming that the child is loved can the heart be filled with a sense of security and value.
"Think again, you can do it right"
Educator Zhou Hong famously said:
"Even if everyone in the world looks down on your child, parents must tearfully appreciate him, hug him, and praise him." 」
However, many parents always speak ill of their children in their lives:
"No brainer, it's not that simple!"
"Are you a pig?"
"How did I give birth to you stupid thing!"
The child is easily influenced by these negative hints, and even begins to doubt himself, and as a result, he really slowly becomes a "useless person".
Children who have never been appreciated and affirmed by their parents are doomed to a lifetime of inner scarcity and inferiority.
As a parent, you must know how to control your mouth and not expose your child's shortcomings.
Don't label your child, be less derogatory and abusive, and encourage and suggest positively, believing that we will gain a more confident and excellent child.
"Just be yourself"
When the child is just born, parents only want the child to be safe and healthy;
When children grow up, the original intention of parents slowly becomes an insatiable "ambition".
Other people's children will call their mothers, why won't my children?
Other people's children can memorize three hundred ancient poems, why do my children only know crazy play?
Other people's children can get 100 points every time, why does my child fail to return?
Parents habitually praise other people's children and deny their own children, which will only make children fall into the depressed mood of "never inferior to others", becoming more and more helpless and desperate.
Ding Yanqing, a professor at Peking University, said: "Don't look at children on a single scale. ”
Instead of using "other people's children" to hurt children, it is better to use trust, acceptance and appreciation to provide children with nourishment for growth.
One day, you will find:
Although my child's academic performance is not very good, the children in the class like him;
My child is incomplete, but he is very talented in sports...
God prepared a low branch for each child.
See the child's shining point, see the child's every progress, tell him "just be yourself", I believe that every child can shine.
"It's okay, I understand you"
There is a saying: "Any unlovable behavior is a call for love." ”
Every child who has run into trouble and made mistakes is uneasy in his heart.
If parents are eager to criticize and accuse at this time, they will not let the child "remember for a long time".
On the contrary, the child will only find reasons to excuse himself because of fear, and finally learn to avoid and lie.
A 3-year-old child poured hot soup into a famous flower carefully raised by his father.
In a fit of rage, the father found a rattan to beat the child hard, and the mother hurriedly stopped: "Don't forget, we are raising children, not flowers." ”
Under the comfort of the mother, the child said the reason: "Grandma said that the soup is nutritious, and I want Daddy's flowers to grow taller." ”
The mistakes made by children are like a coin, the positive is the problem, the reverse is growth.
Crouch down, give the helpless child a hug, listen to his explanation, and take his hand to face it together.
Don't underestimate the power of love, but overestimate the means of discipline. The warmth and understanding of parents trump all truth and indoctrination.
"I see you really worked hard"
First-rate parents value the process, third-rate parents only look at the results.
When a child learns quickly, he will be praised, and if he learns slowly, he will be scolded; if the child does a good test, he will be rewarded, and if he fails the test, he will be punished.
But the hard work and effort behind the children, many parents always turn a blind eye.
The growth of children, in fact, is not afraid of problems and mistakes, but these are covered up by the emotions of parents.
Language has energy, it can nourish people, it can also hurt people.
Your child has a hard time with homework, writes slowly, makes a lot of mistakes, and you can say, "It's okay, I see you've worked hard." ”
Children can't learn how to dance, the piano practice many times is still very bad, you can say: "Let's try again, next time we will be able to do it." ”
Use positive language to recognize the child's efforts and affirm the child's efforts.
Let the child know that the process is more important than the result, and the growth is more important than the grade, so that the child can have enough confidence and confidence to walk on the road of progress.
"You deserve all the good things"
Whether a child is rich in his heart does not depend on the wealth of the family, but on the attitude of his parents to life.
If parents often talk about "poor", "no money", "what do you want such good things", these words will take root and multiply in the child's body like cells.
In the end, it slowly evolved into "inferiority", "guilt", "I don't deserve it", "I don't deserve it".
Parents casually say "too expensive to buy", which may deprive children of the courage and strength to pursue happiness throughout their lives.
Tsinghua professor Peng Kaiping said:
"If you always tell your children that there is a 'lack' in the family, we are not as good as others, which is actually an indoctrination of poverty."
Parents who really have a pattern do not complain or complain;
Meet the reasonable needs of children, and take children to feel the beauty of life;
Influence children with an optimistic attitude towards life, show children the meaning of hard work, and tell children that "you deserve good things".
American family therapy guru Satya said:
"A person's personality characteristics, three views of life, spiritual character, way of thinking, and living habits are deeply influenced by the family and parents, and many are even decisive influences."
Every encouraging look in the eyes of parents, every affirmative response, and every warm hug will leave happiness and hope in the child's heart.
A plump heart is the most precious gift that parents give to their children.
*This article is from the Daughter Pie (ID: nverpai), about the dry goods of raising daughters, here are all there; about the bittersweet of raising daughters, here are all understood; may they be pure in life, knowledgeable in life, and decent in life. *Some of the pictures in this article are from Figureworm Creative.