Parents, how do you praise your children?
I think most parents will say the following words:
"You are awesome!"
"Wow, you're so smart, you're all right."
"You're so nice."
......
These words of praise are almost a common mantra used by parents. But are these praises really useful to children?
This behavior of the child makes the friend very distressed, worried about whether there is something wrong with the child.
After communication, I found that friends usually have higher requirements for children, and habitually praise children "you are awesome", "you are so smart", and always like to ask children after they come home whether the teacher has praised you?
As a result, children develop a mindset of evaluating themselves based on the evaluation of others. This is very bad for the growth of the child.
Does the child want to praise? The answer is yes. However, if parents use incorrect praise methods, not only will it not work, but it will even bring wrong guidance to their children.
First of all, when the child has heard too much praise, the words of praise will no longer have an effect on the child.
Secondly, when the child has heard too much praise, the child may become dependent on external praise, only like to listen to praise, can not withstand criticism, and the ability to resist setbacks will become lower.
Third, children will do things to get the approval and praise of their parents and teachers, and once they do not receive praise, they will be discouraged.
Can understand that parents want to use praise, praise, to help children build self-confidence, but under this praise, the self-confidence established by children is short-lived, when children get used to this model, once they do not get praise, it is easy to fall into self-doubt.
True praise is not reflected in these general praises.
What kind of praise can better guide children's growth?
The right way to praise should be like this. Parents can try to make changes in three ways.
Replace praise, praise, and encouragement with "you are..."
Many parents will often say to their children, "Mom believes you're going to get better." "Mom believes you'll do well next time."
Parents think that this is to encourage the child, but careful scrutiny will find that this sentence is actually a subconscious denial of the child, which means to deny the child's present, projecting the parents' inner expectations of the child.
Will children feel encouragement, praise and praise when they hear it? No, the child will only be more stressed, thinking about what if I can't do better next time?
Therefore, it is recommended that parents do not say this in the future. You can say it another way. Say your praise, encouragement, and praise in the phrase "you are..."
"You're a good kid in your mother's heart."
"You're a serious kid."
"You study hard."
"You are a person with a brain, a mind, and a solution to problems on your own."
"You're a child who loves cleanliness and neatness."
Even if the child is not as good as you say at the moment, it doesn't matter, the "lie" is said more, and it will come true. This is called giving a child a psychologically positive hint.
Identify with the child anytime, anywhere
There is no doubt that parents love their children. However, what is shown is that the child scores high, the child obeys, and the child writes homework seriously, and the parents are happy, otherwise, the parents will be disappointed and even angry.
Stop being a parent who can only praise, praise, and encourage your child if your child performs well. This manifestation is recognized as conditional love. This conditional identification brings joy to the child is temporary.
What parents have to do is: open their mouths and agree.
The success and failure of the child, the parents must agree. Give the child strength, let the child know that failure is not afraid, as long as you work hard, you will always succeed.
Parents should remember that identifying with children is instinctive and habitual.
When the child's hard work results are not good, give the child enough acceptance. You must know that even if the child achieves nothing, it is also your child, love the child to be simple, do not attach too many conditions, not moved by foreign objects, at any time to unconditionally love the child, accept the child.
Replace praise and praise for children with "thank you" and "thank you" into a mantra
What is the difference between praising your child and saying thank you to your child?
Praise is condescending, an attitude of charity.
Thank you, acknowledging the value and presence of the child.
For example, if a child scatters a toy on the ground and almost makes you fall, you let the child sort out the toy, do you praise the child for being awesome and will clean up the toys? Or thank you kids.
Let's assume two ways of talking:
A kind: Child, you put all the toys in order, you are awesome!
A: child, you put the toys in order, the mother will not be touched, will not be hurt, thank you for the maintenance of our family's environmental health, thank you for the protection of the mother.
You can see which kind of speech is more useful to children.
Is it the second kind? This can make the child understand the responsibility and take good care of the family. In the long run, children will have a greater sense of responsibility.
Therefore, parents should not forget to say thank you to their children in their daily lives. Replace praise and praise for children with "thank you" and let "thank you" become a mantra among family members.
"Thank you for being able to clean up the housework with your mother."
"Thank you for helping your mother take care of your younger siblings."
"Thank you for being able to complete your own study tasks and free up more time for your mother to go to work."
When you say "thank you" to the child, the child gains respect, the child will think that he is valuable, and the sense of value is the basis of all the personality of the child.
The positive effect of praise and praise on children is undoubted. But when you want to say to the child again "You are awesome!" "You are so smart", please think carefully about how to praise your child, in order to really help your child grow better.