Children are easy to give up is due to nature, parents correctly guide, do these 3 points, in order to help children to persist in the bone marrow, self-discipline into habits
Author | mirror
Some time ago, there was a video that went viral on the Internet.
In the video, the boy plays the piano while crying and staging a "bitter meat meter".
His mother said that the child had been practicing for less than a year, and usually there were many plays to avoid practice.
But now it has improved a lot, because the child knows that even if he cries hard, the piano still has to be practiced.
Netizens said: "Learning music should be a happy thing, but to make it like this, our children, it is too difficult." ”
Seeing this scene, many parents also thought of their children.
Learning a new thing, the child's enthusiasm is high at the beginning, but after a long time, he will always want to give up because of various difficulties.
Parents cannot bear to see their children suffer, nor do they want their children to give up halfway.
That's hard.
In fact, most children will habitually want to give up when doing something, because persistence itself is difficult, and it is still true for adults, let alone children.
Only by activating the child's internal motivation can the child better persevere.
In the book "When Parents Mature, Children Become Talented", it is written:
"A child's heart is immature, and it may be driven up by a word of encouragement from the parents, or it may be overwhelmed by a tired look from the parents and lose confidence."
Behind those children who know how to persevere, there are often parents who can guide.
Three minutes of heat is a child's nature
Friends are very upset these days, and everything their children do is three minutes of heat.
Take a few pages of the storybook, throw it away, play something else; fight your favorite building blocks, you can't sit still in a few minutes; you like to draw, you buy a brush and a book, and you don't want to draw again for a few days.
A few days ago, she bought the audio version of the English course online, the child liked it, held the audio and listened to it for most of the day, and chased after her mother to ask English words....
After a week, the child basically mastered the greeting dialogue, the mother was overjoyed, and was considering giving the child an English lesson, and the child suddenly said to the mother that he did not want to learn English.
The mother complained that the child did not have patience in doing things, and he would certainly not be serious about studying in the future, and even began to worry that he would do things halfway when he grew up...
Her fears were justified.
Roy Baumeister, a scientist who systematically observes and measures the limits of willpower, once proposed an interesting theory: willpower is as limited as muscle.
It will gradually become tired after use, just as it will lose strength if the muscles are not rested after exercise.
Not only that, but neuroscientists have found that every time you use willpower, the brain's self-control system becomes less active, just as your tired legs will give up running, and your brain will strike.
That is, when people use willpower, they will consume the energy of the body, and the consumption of energy will weaken the willpower itself.
This is a good explanation for why children are always "three minutes hot", because "persistence" itself is a thing that goes against physiological conventions.
Therefore, the supervision and guidance of parents is very necessary, otherwise the child's three-minute heat will cause him to habitually give up when he encounters difficulties in later life, and eventually do nothing well.
The neighbor's children took a lot of interest classes, dance, piano, calligraphy, host, taekwondo...
However, every time they give up halfway, the mother also respects the child's preferences, thinking that if she does not like it, she is not forced, and after 3 years, the child has not learned anything well.
Later, the child liked to draw, learned for almost a year, and was the only interest that lasted the longest, although there was a problem of reluctance to learn in the middle, and the coaxing also passed.
Recently, the child began to be unwilling to learn again, the mother was fierce, forced the child to go to school, did not expect that the child was actually wronged and shed tears.
The mother is very depressed, let it go, forcing the child will be more counterproductive, the child is iron-hearted and does not learn.
Parents give their children interest classes, in addition to letting children learn a specialty, more importantly, let children know how to bear hardships and not give up, and cultivate the quality of persistence in doing things.
When your child wants to give up, don't rush to be harsh and self-anxious.
Find the reason behind it, in order to help children eliminate problems and tide over difficulties.
Accompany your child to find a sense of accomplishment for perseverance
It is the first step in igniting the internal drive
Li Xiaolai wrote in "Treat Time as a Friend":
"Interest is the biggest lie, not because you are interested in doing something, but because you are interested in doing it well."
One thing never understands, understands, tries to do, experiences, advocates five stages, any stage has achieved the right small achievements, small successes, in order to promote behavior changes to the next stage, the so-called interest comes from this.
Therefore, it is not that you are interested in doing a good job, but that you are interested when you are good. "
If a child can feel a sense of accomplishment and self-satisfaction in the process of learning, he will have a stronger interest in learning.
The sense of accomplishment can drive children to keep moving forward, from having to do well to what I want to do well.
The famous writer Yin Jianli also has a method of educating her children, and her daughter successfully persisted in practicing guzheng under her guidance.
She said that when her daughter first started learning guzheng, her enthusiasm was very high, and for more than a year, her interest declined, and she even resisted practicing.
The old course is not good, the new course can not catch up, she exhausted the tricks, soft and hard, the effect is not good.
Later, she patiently communicated with her daughter and found the meaning of practicing the guzheng, such as when she was in a bad mood, playing the guzheng could eliminate her troubles and guide the direction, so that her daughter would no longer resist.
Immediately after, she put a little hamster in the room where her daughter practiced, and found that when the little hamster heard the sound of the piano "dancing", her daughter was very happy and had a sense of accomplishment, which became the motivation for her daily practice.
Later, she also put the video of her daughter practicing guzheng, punched in the circle of friends every day, and shared the praise with her daughter to further stimulate her daughter's initiative.
In this way, the child's learning motivation is getting stronger and stronger, and finally he truly finds a sense of self-worth through the guzheng, and also regains self-confidence and interest.
Yin Jianli said:
"In the process of cultivating habits, if you always create the child's initiative and sense of accomplishment, he will form a good habit in this regard."
If the child is often given a sense of ill-freedom and guilt, he will form bad habits in this regard. ”
External control and persecution are short-lived, and internal sustained motivation is long-lasting.
Only by finding a sense of value from learning can we stimulate children's inner initiative and better persevere.
In an issue of "Teenagers Say", Zhao Hangxi, a first-year girl, chose to give up due to difficulties during her learning volleyball.
Mom encouraged her to try to persevere and learn to appreciate the meaning of hard work in the process of practicing.
Slowly, she was inspired by the spirit of the women's volleyball team in volleyball, more actively devoted to training, and in the continuous progress, she also had a full sense of achievement.
She said to her mother:
"Mom, I want to thank you, you made me fall in love with volleyball and taught me the spirit of persistence and hard work."
When the child wants to give up, the parent's rough stop will only bring harm to the child.
If persistence itself is painful, then let the child experience happiness from the sense of accomplishment.
As Liu Yong said: "Let children have a sense of achievement, more important than grades." ”
Raise children to be persistent
Parents also need to do these 3 things well
In an issue of "Children's Voices", the daughter spoke fluently and emotionally on stage, and won the praise of the teachers on the stage.
When talking about the cultivation of her daughter's language ability, the mother said that she took the initiative to obtain a broadcast host certificate and actively participated in various speech competitions to accompany her daughter to improve.
When the child wants to give up, what parents have to do is to help the child find out the reason behind it, accompany the child to face it together, and be the strongest backing behind the child.
1. Praise your child correctly and affirm your child's every progress.
Fan Deng once said that praising children must praise the process and motivation, not the result.
Use growth mindset to give children encouragement and help.
The boy said to his mother, "Mom, I don't want to learn street dance anymore, and when I practiced today, I fell miserably and my knees were blue." ”
Mom replied wittily: "The teachers have told my mother, and let me praise you more, saying that your knees have fallen blue, and you can still continue to study, thinking that you are very brave." “
When the child encounters difficulties to give up, make some affirmations for the efforts of the child, give the child more encouragement, and tell him that the difficulties are not terrible, it is an opportunity to prove your growth.
2. Parents take the lead in insisting on doing one thing and sharing their experiences with their children.
If you want your child to persist, parents can't give up halfway.
Parents accompany their children to face together, and in the process of doing, record the feelings of the bits, share with the children, empathize with the children's feelings, let the children get inspired, and experience the fun in the process.
For example, children write diaries for three days to fish and two days to dry nets.
Mom first made a plan for herself, insisted on writing every day, shared her experience every week, content interesting things, difficulties encountered in writing, how she overcame it, how to find inspiration, the happiness she felt, and so on.
In the mutual discussion and sharing of mother and child, the child began to take the initiative to arrange time to write a diary every day, and made great progress in the quality and speed of writing.
Mothers take the lead in insisting on doing one thing and sharing it with their children, while setting an example, empathizing with their children's feelings with their own experience, so that children can be emotionally inspired.
3. Parents face obstacles in persistence with their children and help their children grow.
When children encounter setbacks and want to give up, parents should teach their children to face challenges bravely and find solutions to problems together, rather than blaming children for poor performance, lack of perseverance, or empty encouragement.
Accompany your child to face difficulties, help your child find a way to solve problems, and provide specific suggestions for improvement, so as to help your child get out of the predicament.
In this process, the child's ability to handle things will also become stronger.
When children do reading comprehension, they can't understand the meaning, and parents blindly encourage: "You must be able to, come on", or accuse: "How can you not even do this", both of which are wrong.
Unrealistic encouragement will put pressure on children to be disappointed by their parents; accusations will make children more nervous and make mistakes.
The correct approach is that parents set small reading goals for their children, and they cannot understand that they can let their children read them several times, or read them in word and sentence, and the children will tell them to the parents after they understand, and parents should give encouragement step by step.
In this way, the child will know the correct solution after facing the same difficulties in the future.
Johnson once said that great works are not accomplished by strength, but by perseverance.
Children who give up in the middle of things miss not a journey, but a better future.
Unwillingness to insist is the child's instinct, and it is the parent's skill to let the child insist.
Smart parents are the most determined runners on the track of their children's lives, following each other all the way, experiencing wind and rain, all the way to the end of victory.