In married life, some people divide the pain of feelings into benign and malignant, benign pain is like the pain of surgery, will be exchanged for health and new life; malignant pain is like the pain of wound infection, which will lead to more painful results, and the initiator of malignant pain is resentment, dependence, demand and fantasy.
If the relationship between husband and wife cannot maintain a benign relationship, it will make both parties live in the abyss of pain and cannot extricate themselves, so some people lament that marriage, if not heaven, is hell.
The husband threatens his wife's life, and the wife leaves home in anger
Mr. Cai from Xuchang Yuzhou, and his wife Ms. Luo have walked hand in hand for more than twenty years, have three children, and their lives have been stable and happy, but the daughter-in-law inexplicably returned to her mother's house three days ago, and at 11 o'clock in the evening, the wife did not return for a long time, and the phone has not been answered. When he went to pick up his wife the next day, his father-in-law had to divorce them both. What's going on here?
At Mr. Cai's wife's mother's house, Mr. Cai's wife said, I really can't stand him, he is now threatening my life.
Life-threatening? What's going on? Ms. Luo explained that if the home is full of love and warmth, who wants to flee? Three days ago, her husband, Mr. Cai, wanted to put her to death, and when she was afraid and helpless, she was forced to return to her mother's house, and then proposed a divorce to her husband.
Seeing the son-in-law come to mediate, Mr. Cai's mother-in-law was very emotional, she cried and said that three days ago, without warning, the son-in-law Mr. Cai did not say a word, tied his daughter's hand, spilled gasoline on her daughter, and threatened to light gasoline and die with her.
This is so terrible, the husband actually spilled gasoline on his wife, in case it is burned, the consequences really dare not think, such an extreme husband who dares to want ah!
Bacon said: "Impulse is like a mine, everything that touches it is destroyed together". If you do not pay attention to cultivating your own calm and discordant disposition, once you encounter unsatisfactory things, you will jump like thunder, and your emotions will be out of control, and you will let yourself fall into the prison of self-harm.
When any husband and wife have conflicts, they must communicate more, and Mr. Cai's means are too extreme, and the threat to his wife is like an untimely bomb that may break out one day, how can this day be lived.
Mr. Cai said that two people love each other, the most important thing is to be honest with each other and be loyal to each other, but his wife Ms. Luo always chats with a man on WeChat behind his back, he deletes this person, but his wife adds the other party, which makes him unacceptable.
In marriage, the most ideal relationship between husband and wife is intimate and appropriately estranged, and part of the secret is retained in the frankness, that is, two emotions can be tied together, and there is a personal world.
Second, the wife and the opposite sex chat makes the husband uncomfortable, and the extreme behavior makes her collapse
Ms. Luo explained that she was previously an electric vehicle salesman and that there were dozens of employees in the store, including men and women. The man mentioned by her husband is named Yuan Shuai, who is a salesman in their store, and they have a common topic on weekdays, and they will chat on WeChat when they are fine, but only that, and they do not have an unusual relationship like her husband said.
She said that in the matter of her husband's suspicion of her, she could have communicated well, but without her knowledge, her husband published a video denigrating her on the short video platform, and the video was constantly fermented through the network platform, and now it is boiling and everyone knows.
We all know that any truth is based on facts, if Mr. Cai only relies on his wife to chat with a person named Yuan Shuai, he doubts his wife, and also spreads this matter on the Internet, it is obviously irrational, he does not recognize how terrible online violence is, not to mention that people are fearful, sometimes online violence and language violence may break up a family. But Mr. Cai has a lot of words, he made this short video, is to let netizens give the evaluation of who to complain about.
They all said that catching thieves and catching thieves, catching adulterers and catching doubles, and Mr. Cai said that there was no ambiguous language in the chat records between his wife and the man, but he was just uncomfortable. It is not difficult to hear that although Mr. Cai has no conclusive evidence, he insists that his wife has betrayed their relationship, he said that his wife Ms. Luo has a lot of friends of the opposite sex in WeChat, and his wife has never chatted with other men, but blindly has frequent contact with this person named Yuan Shuai, which shows that the two people must have an ambiguous relationship.
Ms. Luo believes that regardless of men and women, there should be their own circles, in the case of a sense of proportion, there is nothing to chat with good friends, but her husband Mr. Cai is always suspicious of him, distrustful, all her male friends in WeChat, her husband has deleted her one by one. The phone also caused her husband to fall, and now she doesn't even have the right to own it.
People are social people, and without social life and interpersonal interactions, people's personality will be distorted and deformed, which is very frightening. Social interaction between people is a necessity for every member of society, which deeply affects people's physical and mental health.
As an independent person, we all have our own private space, and no one is allowed to violate it at will, but Mr. Cai's behavior is surprising, he is a very arbitrary control. You know, those who don't give freedom to others shouldn't be free themselves.
From the mouth of the neighbor, I learned that Ms. Luo was honest and dutiful, while Mr. Cai was sensitive and suspicious. As the saying goes: "A righteous person must first correct himself, and only by disciplined can he discipline others." When asked if There was a member of the opposite sex in Mr. Cai's WeChat, Mr. Cai opened his mouth and said no.
But the mediator took a look at his mobile phone, visually measured five women, and asked Mr. Cai, then your address book allows the opposite sex, why can't your daughter-in-law have it. Mr. Cai defended: The person the daughter-in-law chatted with was single, and I liked her to be jealous.
It is ridiculous to hear, now is an open society, both men and women may have work contact, can not be because the other party is single opposite sex, just to the wife to put the label of betrayal of feelings suspect that the relationship between the two is not normal, this is not right. What is puzzling is that behind Mr. Cai's suspicion of his wife, what is the reason?
Third, the husband is insecure, can a sincere apology be forgiven by the wife?
It turned out that Mr. Cai was an only child, and his parents died one after another in the early years. It brought a lot of blows to Mr. Cai, before he married his wife, Ms. Luo, he lived with relatives, and as he grew older, his inner insecurity became stronger and stronger.
After the death of his parents, his love attachment is cut off at once, he longs for the warmth and care of maternal love in his heart, after marriage, he transfers his attachment to his mother to his wife, in life, only his wife can support him emotionally and rely on each other, so he will transform the emotion of losing his parents into reality and become a spiritual and emotional comfort.
In life, the more he wants, the more he will look at this relationship, the tighter he grasps, we all know that the more he wants to grasp a thing, often lose it quickly, which also corresponds to the principle of "things must be reversed", Mr. Cai's behavior is equivalent to pushing his wife outward, the two have become a tug-of-war, the extreme Mr. Cai chose to hurt his wife, only to make his wife run away because of fear.
After mediation, Mr. Cai understood the reasoning, he also expressed the grievances in his heart, and he also wanted to try to change his attitude and express his inner needs in a euphemistic way, but his wife did not communicate with him at all, and over time, he became more and more suspicious that his wife had other ideas.
Ms. Luo said that in the future, she will have more patience to express positive expressions to her husband in order to dispel her worries. Hearing his wife's statement, Mr. Cai also expressed to his wife that he was wrong to hit someone and no longer doubted his wife in the future.
Freezing three feet is not a day's cold, perhaps Mr. Cai hurt his wife Ms. Luo more deeply, in the face of her husband's apology, Ms. Luo did not choose to forgive. He went to his father-in-law and sincerely apologized to him, saying that he would be good to his wife in the future and let the old man worry less.
Mr. Cai's father-in-law is a reasonable old man, objective in looking at problems, even if the son-in-law has some shortcomings, he also chooses to believe that the son-in-law will give his daughter a happy life. Hearing her father say this, Ms. Luo's attitude on the side eased.
After all, there are three children, she can't put it down, she doesn't want to go back now, she wants to reflect on it during this time, if her husband is sincerely repentant, she will give each other a chance.
Sentiment Analysis:
1, men who lack love are prone to panic
It is said that it is easy to fall in love, but it is difficult to get along. It is not enough for two people to just love each other in life, and problems need to be run-in and overcome by two people. Only in this way will the feelings of the two people last forever and the whole family will become warm.
In life, both sides should think more from each other's point of view. As a husband, Mr. Cai is full of all kinds of suspicions and distrust of his wife, which reflects Mr. Cai's serious lack of love and self-confidence after losing his parents, as well as a panic psychology that is always afraid of losing his wife.
And as a wife, Ms. Luo should be able to realize the psychological changes of her husband, Mr. Cai's behavior has become more extreme, because his mother is a more important relationship in his life, when the mother is lost, for him, this is a loss, this loss is no way to make up, he will be afraid, afraid of a person's departure, afraid of the sudden end of a relationship.
His panic is manifested in real life as a fear of losing his wife. Therefore, after seeing his wife chatting with each other on WeChat, he was lost and jealous. It is precisely because of the fear of loss that the male colleague will be forcibly deleted from his wife's WeChat, which is indeed selfish and narrow-minded of "only allowing the state officials to set fires, not allowing the people to light the lamp", but this is not an outpouring of love, but Mr. Cai, who is not good at expressing himself, loves too paranoid and hurts his wife on impulse. This kind of behavior is too bad to be easily forgiven, and he should be allowed to reflect more and learn lessons.
2. Husband and wife contradictions, how to do it so as not to affect the feelings of husband and wife?
First, learn to trust each other. As the saying goes, the best proof of love is trust. There is nothing more valuable in the life of a couple than sincerity, trust and thoughtfulness. My wife has been with you for more than twenty years, and if she had wanted something, she would not have waited until now.
Second, give the other person a space and let her have her own life. Everyone is a free and independent individual, and freedom should be an opportunity to make oneself better. At the same time, freedom means responsibility, which is why most people fear it. Everyone has the right to choose to make friends, in the marriage relationship, the wife is not your private property, at least she has social freedom and freedom of life, no one can interfere.
Third, between husband and wife, there is also a need for spiritual communication. This world, no matter how broad the heart, is in love, is selfish. The more you love, the more you will care, the more you will care, the more you will tolerate others. Therefore, in addition to trust between husband and wife, there must be communication and exchange.
Some people say that the best love, to the end, is actually the soul's dependence on each other. Only in love will you discover how much a lonely soul needs another soul to guard and accompany.
Therefore, there must be life care, career support, encouragement when lost, companionship when lonely, and celebration when successful. Only by always thinking about each other, let him feel the soothing and powerful power of the spirit, this kind of love will give the other party great encouragement, so as to achieve the resonance of the hearts of both parties, in order to work together to a happier and happier life!