Parents are emotionally broken, difficult to control, how to deal with children's emotions

No matter how hard parents try to love their children and learn how to give their children love appropriately. But no one is perfect, the child always has his unsatisfactory small problems and small difficulties, and parents always have their own bad emotions and bad temper. Therefore, more or less, parents will always feel angry, frustrated, helpless, and even hopeless at some point.

I often hear parents say: I really can't stand it, I'm about to collapse. Talk about an emotional breakdown. When parents have an emotional breakdown, both for themselves and for their children, it is actually a kind of injury, and there is no achievement in solving the problem.

Emotional collapse is not a proper way of emotional drainage, so although the collapse was on the string, it had to be sent and could not be held, and it had to collapse, in fact, the collapse was very hurt, and after the collapse, it was also regretted.

If you collapse in front of the child, you must know that parents have a mirror effect on the child, that is to say, when the child observes the adult, he will often look at the adult's performance mode, copy, and copy it on himself. So it is often said that leading by example is the truth.

If parents want their children to be emotionally stable, do not hold their hair and make a fuss without moving, then they also need to maintain emotional stability, and do not collapse emotionally because of anger, disappointment and any other reasons.

I have met two very similar mothers and are easily anxious when faced with their children's academic problems. The child's homework is not finished, or the handwriting is not neat enough, or the teacher is badly evaluated, parents will be all kinds of restlessness when managing the child's homework, light words are always blamed, reprimanded, serious words will tear off the child's homework, roar, roar, and finally cry, shout, in their own words is often collapsed.

For the good of the child, parents must also work hard, do not collapse. Give parents some guidance to stabilize their emotions. First of all, these two parents, one of the parents took the advice, first leave the child to the father to manage, no matter how the child behaves, temporarily open one eye, close one eye, and strive to adjust and stabilize their emotions to avoid collapse.

Once his child even had an emotional outburst and a variety of uproars in my group, the mother and I accompanied the child in a separate corner to continue to demonstrate deep breathing until the child's mood calmed down. Later, with the progress of treatment, the child's performance gradually improved, although there were occasional fluctuations in the middle, but every time I saw this mother, she was more calm, no longer the initial anxiety and collapse.

So every time no matter what new problems the child has, with the efforts of the mother's emotional stability, it seems that we can discuss solutions and solve the problems.

In contrast, another parent, although he was sad after every emotional breakdown, he always had various reasons to explain and support his emotional collapse, and even once he was in front of his child. Desperate to the point of collapse, he told me that I felt hopeless, and I wanted to drag him to jump off the building with him.

I seriously suggest that he first adjust his emotions and temporarily entrust the task of managing the child to someone else. But later the parents also failed to insist, and then in the days to come from time to time can still see, but every time I see the situation getting worse, gradually the child's emotional problems also began to stand out, and when he encountered a little unsatisfactory, his emotions were out of control.

Once, at school, another classmate touched his stationery box to the ground, did not apologize, and the child cried, collapsed, and finally climbed the window to jump off the building. For safety reasons, the school advised him to take a break from school and stay at home and not to continue school. It can be seen from this that whether it is for their own mentality to be better, their emotions are more stable and more comfortable, or for their children to learn more stable emotional patterns from themselves, parents should strive to adjust and manage their negative emotions, avoid accumulation to the extent of collapse, and avoid collapse attacks.

In fact, the performance of children will be good and bad, and some children may fluctuate like a roller coaster, suddenly a good sky, and a bad one.

Parents' mood will fluctuate with the child's performance and their own living conditions, and sometimes they will be full of confidence in their own upbringing, and full of expectations and expectations for the future of their children. Sometimes I feel that I dare not use any method, and I can't solve the problem by doing anything. When it is serious, it will spread to everyone around them who are wrong, can't help themselves, can't help their children, and then feel that this problem can't be solved, a dead end, usually at this time frustration, depression, even despair, chagrin, anger, and even anger emotions begin to spark the spark.

The content is to help those parents who will encounter the accumulation of their father's emotions and are on the verge of collapse, and gradually get themselves out of the predicament according to the following methods.

The first step, to leave, is to get out of the scene that brought you a crash.

Bad emotions are like a quagmire, once caught in it, it is easy to fall into it, it is difficult to extricate yourself, and let yourself face, recall or deal with it. However, the worse the mood, the more difficult it is to deal with things, and then the worse the mood, falling into a vicious circle.

At this time, you have to think, why bother yourself? Since this matter makes me feel so bad, why not leave for a while? As the saying goes, seeing is pure, and our first step is to be invisible.

For example, because the child's homework is not done satisfactorily, temporarily entrust the supervision of the child's homework to another parent and go to another room by himself.

For example, because you are not getting the desired effect when practicing a certain behavior skill, then don't practice it for a while, or leave it to another parent to try it, and go out to the small garden for a walk.

The second step, calm. Try some ways to calm your emotions.

We should already know that the higher a person's emotions, the lower their sanity. Emotions here refer not only to bad emotions, but also to good emotions. It is precisely because of this that there is a saying that happiness is born of sorrow. In the same way, the lowly pole is also deeply humble, and the anger pole is still deep sorrow.

Emotions and reason, though not unworthy, are also rivalries. Therefore, if you want to make a correct, rational, and helpful decision, then don't make that decision when your emotions explode. But people have emotions, not to mention that you are still working so hard. I raise and help my children hard, and I deal with all kinds of small problems. Of course there will be emotions, and what you need to do is how to calm down as soon as possible when the emotions arise.

If this skill is mastered, it can not only help parents themselves, but also teach children, and can also do it in person in front of their children, thus playing a role in setting, demonstrating, and setting an example. Specifically, some of the small techniques of calming emotions are actually clichés, but it is precisely because these methods are correct and effective that they become clichés.

So don't just stop at hearing it, try it yourself, and don't just hear a name and take it for granted. Be sure to pay attention to some of the details explained in the course, and do the correct and appropriate exercises according to the details.

Tip 1: Take a deep breath. Sit in a quiet corner and play some soothing music, try to think nothing for a while, just inhale slowly and long through your nose, into your stomach, and then exhale softly and slowly with your mouth, inhaling and exhaling for at least three seconds each.

When practicing deep breathing, pay attention to focusing your attention between inhalation and inhalation, and try to experience the feeling of exhaling and inhaling as much as possible.

Tip 2: Muscle relaxation. This exercise can be combined with deep breathing, so that you don't have to find extra time to practice, and as you breathe deeply, try to keep your muscles in a relaxed state.

Imagine yourself like a soft rag doll, soft and collapsed, without any strength, paralyzed there. If parents find it difficult to relax the whole body at once, then usually also specially practice the muscles of various parts, the feeling of relaxation is generally a certain part of the muscles first tense, contract, maintain for three seconds, and then suddenly relax, fully feel the feeling of relaxation at that moment.

You can practice in several common areas such as palms, arms, back, legs, and toes. If it's still hard to relax, try following my next tips and rhythm.

Start by focusing on the palm of your hand, imagine you're holding a very soft ball, and now start to squeeze hard, very hard. Keep pushing hard and hold it a little tighter.

Relax, let go of your palms, let the ball slide down, and relax completely. observe. Is this rhythm? Continue to tense for at least three seconds, suddenly relaxed, I hope to pay attention to the moment of relaxation, the feeling of the palm of the hand is very comfortable and comfortable.

Go ahead, let's try the arm. Imagine you're like a dried noodle, stretching your arm like dry noodles, straightening it straight, straightening it with a little force. Well, relax and flick like soft noodles. Pay attention to the relaxed feeling of soft noodles.

The muscle tension and relaxation exercises of each part of the flesh cannot be just one time, but should be practiced in groups of five to ten times, at least three times a day. When the muscles are relaxed, focus on the muscles being practiced and feel his tension fully, especially when relaxed. In fact, just now this muscle relaxation suggestion can also be taught to children, so that children also have a good way to deal with bad emotions.

Repeatedly emphasize that you must practice more, whether it is deep breathing or muscle relaxation. Only when you are usually well practiced and familiar with your heart, so that when there is pressure and bad mood, you can self-control to adjust the tension of breathing and muscles, so as to adjust your emotions as soon as possible. Don't think about it until you're about to have an emotional breakdown. This technique is not usually practiced, and you will not be able to use it at that time.

Tip three: Happy meditation. Try to recall some happy memories first, or fantasize about scenes that will make you happy.

For example, think about your vacation at the beach, basking in the sun, buying balloons for your children in an amusement park, having a picnic with your spouse and children in the park and on the lawn, and one day your child will graduate from college, throw a bachelor's hat and let you take pictures for him.

The more specific the details of the scene, the more conducive it is for you to feel the right, pleasant, and relaxed emotions. In fact, to put it bluntly, it is a little bit of a daydreaming feeling.

Tip four: Think rationally. When the emotions slowly calm down, you must begin to let your rational thinking control yourself. For example, children and themselves will have good performance times, there will also be bad times, this is normal, I just stick to the right approach, although there may be twists and turns, but in the end I will reach the goal. This is what we taught our children before about how to replace bad ones with good ones and then generate new behavioral strategies.

Parents are advised to record exactly what triggered this emotional outburst. For example, if a child has an essay in his homework today, he has never liked to write an essay, so his attitude is very poor when he comes back from school. I encouraged him to write other assignments first, and he didn't want to, and I rewarded him for watching TV for half an hour if he finished his homework, and he didn't want to, so I started yelling at him and he argued with me. His father ran up to me and told me that I should be more patient, this time it was already more than eight o'clock, he didn't write a word of homework, he certainly couldn't finish it, I collapsed.

Such a record can help you summarize a starting point that triggered your own emotional breakdown, so as to better avoid similar situations in the future.

The third step, return, let the rational thinking above control itself, return to reality, what to do. Parents must remember that you are depressed, desperate, you are angry, angry, in fact, can not make things better. If it can't get better, why keep doing it?

For example, in the above example, the homework left and right cannot be written, you can't finish it when you give up, and you roar or can't finish it. So why not write one more word is one word, and one more question is one problem?

Temporarily give up the big goal, return to the small goal in front of you, how to supervise and remind the child to write homework, how to supervise, remind, continue to encourage the child to complete a little is a little, as long as the child can do a little more homework, you still have to give him full of emotions, specific praise. If the child refuses to complete, calmly and without emotion remind and urge the child. Maybe parents will refute when they hear this, I reminded that it is useless, and it is useless for me to keep calm.

The question is, will it work if you lose your temper and have an emotional breakdown? Some parents say it will work, but will it always be useful after this time? Have you been breaking down and being happy yourself? The child is always facing a broken parent, what will happen to the child?

There is also a technology called glass shield technology, which may help parents to better maintain emotional stability in the face of unsatisfactory children. Suppose you wear a glass mask or hold a glass shield, and the child behaves as you wish, and you see through this transparent glass shield, but it does not affect you.

Suppose these actions all bounce back on the shield. I often use analogies, just like when you look at crayon Shin, you don't get angry at Xiao Xin's out-of-line behavior, but you feel funny.

But if you are allowed to take care of a child like Xiaoxin in real life, it is really very likely that you will be angry and jump to the point of collapse. Even if we all get it right, we won't be smooth sailing on our way to our goals. We're going to go forward for a while, we're going to fall to the bottom, we're going to get up, we're going to go forward for a while, and we're going to fall down again.

If it is not a coincidence, some parents are now at the bottom of the deep valley, feeling that every day should not be called, the ground is not working, and the clouds above their heads are cloudy and rainy. Please remember that if you don't get up, you will only stay at the bottom, but if you get up and continue to follow the correct method, there will still be some possibilities that you will eventually reach the goal one day.