"How many points does your child score, how many in the class" Parents' comparison is ruining the child's future
New Year's parties are meant to be a happy affair
However, many parents like to compare, and as a result, not only are they uncomfortable, but also the growth of their children has left a bad impact
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As the saying goes, "People want faces, trees want bark"
People without skin and face can be said to be very scary, but sometimes it is not necessarily a good thing to ask for face too much
Especially when it comes to parenting
If you want your child to fight for face in everything, you like to compare yourself with other people's children
There is no doubt that it will cast a shadow on the child's psychological development
Generally speaking, everyone is busy with their own business
Many parents are nothing, but once there are relatives and friends gathering, especially during the New Year
It was a big competition
Let the child perform a talent, praise the academic performance, test scores
I would like to treat my children as exhibits and exhibit them everywhere
If the child performs well and fights for face for himself, the parents are of course proud and happy
If it is in case the child is inferior and afraid of the stage, or there is really no hand to take out
At this time, parents will naturally not be able to hang their faces
If you blame, the words of complaint will rush out
Once watched a video
One mother asked her daughter to sing in public to other aunts, but the daughter was reluctant
The mother started to drag the child, and her mouth was still shouting
"Why can't you get on the table so much, can't you be generous?"
You can imagine how big the shadow in the child's heart was at that time
This is especially true in our rural hometown
The child is not only the face of the parents, but also the face of the whole village
Whoever has a child whose children have been admitted to college, become cadres, and study particularly well
Then the parents of this family were also looked up to in the village in an instant
On the contrary, if the child does not study well and does not go to college, the parents will usually walk with a bow
To be honest, "looking forward to the son into a dragon, hoping that the woman will become a phoenix", in fact, there is nothing wrong with it
As parents, we all look forward to the growth of our children to be independent and outstanding
But it's too much of a comparison
It's also really suffocating
When you go to school, compare the score, compare the grade
After work than salary, than position
Married than a partner, more than a child
So the cycle repeats, and generation after generation is caught in the dead cycle of comparison
However, life is always your own, and whether you live well or not has nothing to do with others
No one even cared
As an adult who has been compared since childhood, when we become parents
Should we also reflect on the pain we have experienced in comparison
Do you have to have your own children to experience it?
01
Don't let your vanity ruin the child
As the saying goes, "Don't do to others what you don't want."
Just think about how you feel if you are compared to your partner, your parents, and even your children every day
I'm sure most parents will stop comparing their children
However, in reality many parents
I am most afraid of being compared, but I am partial to vanity and arrogance, and I expect my children to be better than others
In order to satisfy their own face
Obviously, children have studied very hard, but parents only value the score ranking
Obviously, children do not want to show themselves, but parents want to show off in front of everyone
Obviously, the child's talent is limited, but the parents insist that he become a dragon and a phoenix
Such parents do not love their children at all, but just like to satisfy their own vanity
I have a classmate who did very well in school when he was a child
Unfortunately, in his second year, he fell ill
Not only did I lose my homework, but my physical strength was not as good as before
So academic performance slowly regressed
At this time, his parents not only did not care about his body and helped him with his homework
On the contrary, he will only blame him every day for not being a tool, not working hard, and not showing up
I still remember one weekend, after I finished my homework, I went to his house to play with him
As soon as he entered the courtyard, he heard his father shouting at him
"Let you read books and you are in a daze, and the lack of effort day by day makes me ashamed"
"How did I give birth to such an indisputable child as you?"
As soon as I heard his father say this, I was ready to turn around and leave, but at this moment, he ran out crying
That's it, throughout elementary school
The classmate had been living under the blows and ridicule of his parents
Finally in junior high school, his body also recovered, taller and stronger than all the people in our class
Even taller than his dad
When he first entered the first year of junior high school, he really studied very seriously, but after all, the foundation was poor, and when he took the first exam, although he improved a lot, he was still relatively backward
But his parents couldn't see his efforts
Just blindly feel that their children are inferior to others, at this time, although they no longer hit children, their words are no longer so intense
But I always like to compare him to others
As a result, after talking too much, this classmate simply stopped studying, and the whole person became unmotivated and messed up all day
As parents, we must understand
The child is an independent person, not a tool for us to satisfy our own vanity
The real love of children is to hope that he is healthy, happy and confident
Instead of comparing him to others everywhere, and then hitting him, blaming him, and finally ruining his life
02
Don't let your worldly desires obliterate children
The famous French writer Rousseau once said such a sentence
"In the order of life, childhood has its place"
This means that we cannot demand children from the rules and interests of adults
It is even more impossible to use one's worldly desires to obliterate the nature of children
A child's world should be innocent and pure
Here, their interests can be widely developed, and their needs can be paid attention to and met as much as possible
In this way, their personalities will be developed soundly
However, how many parents ignore this fact and completely ignore the needs and interests of their children
Blindly hope that the child can make himself have face
In the end, it all backfired
Some people say that the greatest tragedy of life is that your ambitions are not worthy of your ability
Similarly, an adult will make his own ambitions
Applied to a child
It is bound to be a tragedy too
As a parent, it is better to let your child outperform other people's children everywhere
We should start from the nature of the child and cultivate him well and carefully
If the grades are not good, they will accompany their children to develop good learning habits
If the talent is not enough, help the child develop some interesting places
As Mr. Lu Xun said, "Parents should be sound in their children's production, do their best to educate, and completely emancipate."
As for other people's children, that's someone else's business
03
Your child should always be your child
In life, especially during the New Year
We often see scenarios like this if their own children make mistakes
Or the performance is not very good, at this time the parents will be very angry to scold the child, the mouth will also say
"How did I give birth to a child like you"
"What a sin, my baby shouldn't be like this."
It seems that as long as I say this, I have regained face
As everyone knows, this way will only make the child feel
It turned out that mom and dad didn't love me at all, and as long as I was a little bad, they didn't even want to admit that I was their child
I once read such a story in a book
A mother took her daughter to the mall and walked to a shoe cabinet with a very nice dance song in it
It was the background music that her daughter usually played when she practiced dancing, so the little girl heard the dance
It was natural to dance
Just then, three other customers and their children heard the movement
They all stopped and looked at the little girl who was dancing, and one of the mothers and sons was still pointing at the little girl and whispering
This time the little girl was embarrassed, a little helpless for a while, and the original smooth and beautiful dance posture also became a little twisted and stiff
And the mother and son who whispered seemed to be laughed at, and their faces were full of mockery
The girl's mother was also embarrassed, but when the girl was very helpless to ask her
"Mom, what's next for me"
She did not ask her daughter to stop, but was very happy to tell her daughter
"I remember the scarecrow dance", feeling the support and encouragement of her mother, the little girl continued to dance her dance confidently
Honestly, in that kind of upscale mall
In particular, there were a few noble ladies and their obedient children next to them
If it were my kids dancing, I might be embarrassed too, and I might even feel "ashamed"
But this mother's approach made me understand that many times, the child is more important than face
Just imagine, if the mother was afraid of losing face at that time and scolded the child to stop quickly, I think the child would feel very hurt
As parents, we must remember
Your child will always be your child
Even if he makes you embarrassed, humiliated, disappointed, or even sad
Also remember that in this world, if even parents do not support their children
Where can children go to draw love and strength?
So, please set aside your vanity, let go of your worldly desires, and remember that children are always more important than face
Promise me, this new year, don't compare your children with others
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