We often complain that our children are particularly "rubbing", getting up and rubbing, wearing clothes and rubbing, brushing teeth, going out to grind, writing homework, eating are all very rubbed.
In the face of children's friction, as parents, we can't help but be angry, constantly urging and complaining.
Often the result is that the rubbing time is getting longer and longer, the more slowly it is urged, the more it is rubbed.
But what should we do when we really face the friction of our children?
Let's first look for the root causes and causes of the rubbing. Young children often react slower than ordinary people, and they need to use slowness to experience life and experience the joy of growth.
Brush your teeth slowly to feel the foam blowing bubbles in your mouth.
Slowly get up, still savoring the interesting memories of the dream in my mind.
Slowly putting on shoes, children are learning a little bit of the sense of accomplishment of putting on their shoelaces.
Children aged 0-6 are using their senses to experience, touch and feel the world, and a slower one will allow them to be more focused, more meticulous, and more attentive to understand, recognize and learn everything about the world. Therefore, for children of this age, we want to allow them to take their time.
For school-age children, there is usually an impatient parent behind the rubbing child, and they are accustomed to turning the child's affairs into their own affairs.
In fact, this kind of "cross-border" management and education is the root cause of children's friction.
Parents turn their children's rubbing problems into their own problems, so they put themselves in a frenzied, anxious and depressed mood. Under the influence and spread of this emotion, the more parents urge, the more children rub, and gradually fall into such a vicious circle and spell of parent-child interaction. We often also find a detail, if the child plays games, watches TV, plays, almost will not rub, minutes to ignite enthusiasm. On the contrary, it will grind and rub against things such as writing homework, doing housework, sleeping, getting up, etc.
At the root of it, the child's rubbing is selective, and he does not grind for the things he is interested in, and seizes all the time to complete. And things that you are not interested in will be able to drag on, and rub when you can rub.
Yesterday I deliberately discussed with my children about the topic of "rubbing". I suddenly felt that the child's analysis was very well placed and enlightening to me.
Here to share it with parents and teachers, and I hope to enlighten you.
The child told me that in fact, I am not rubbing, but I do not have a strong concept of time management, that is, I can't distinguish what is important and urgent. More importantly, parents continue to urge, which will make me feel that this is a parent's business, not their own business, and I don't feel that this thing will have any consequences if it is not done or done slowly. It would be better to grind it.
The child shared that in fact, he will rub some things, but he is very clear about when he can rub it down and when he can't rub it. Similarly, it must also be known that important things cannot be rubbed, and for some things that can be done but not done, occasional rubbing is actually a kind of mental relaxation.
The child told me that he wanted to be able to control and decide on his own time and schedule, and I could give some advice and remind him appropriately. But he didn't want me to get too involved and pushed because he wanted me to trust him.
The child specifically instructed me that whether things are important and urgent, can not only be the parents to decide and judge, we must from the perspective of respecting the child, and the child to discuss and determine, which is important? Which ones are urgent?
How should parents return time management to their children?
First of all, we must return the responsibility of the child to the child. Let them learn to take responsibility for the results of their own grinding.
For example, if you don't get up in the morning, you will bear the consequences of being late for school. Writing homework at night is rubbing, but you have to sleep according to the time, and you can't bear the consequences of not being able to turn in your homework. If you forget to bring lunch, you will have to bear the consequences of not having food.
Secondly, the urging will send a message to the child, that is, I don't believe in you, I have no confidence in you, so I have to monitor you, and only when I keep reminding you can you complete on time.
A perfect match = unplanned child + nagging and urging parents
It is more effective for children to learn to understand the causal relationship of things, and to learn to let children bear the consequences of their own friction than to urge.
Parents can develop their children's time management skills through the following small techniques:
First, use less words such as "hurry, hurry, too late" and so on.
Second, directly put forward hopes and requirements for the child's time. For example: the movie will start in an hour, and I hope we can go out in ten minutes.
Third, help your child analyze the consequences of the rubbing, as well as the importance and urgency of the matter. Options are available for children to choose from. For example: the movie will start in an hour, or we will go out in ten minutes. Or we'll just choose to go back tomorrow.
Fourth, many times, we should let the child eat a few losses appropriately. Remind children to actively think and experience the consequences of rubbing.
Fifth, when parents prompt and help their children analyze the consequences, please be sure to maintain a calm mood. Reduce their own anxiety and other negative emotions, when their own negative emotions are reduced, children may think more calmly about their own time management problems. And once the child's emotions are calm and they are not disturbed by the negative emotions of their parents, their own action efficiency will be greatly improved.