preface
From the third year of high school, especially near the final exam, many parents may find that their children are often emotionally unstable, tantrum, and do not like to talk. At this time, parents are very anxious and do not know how to communicate with their children.
Don't be afraid, let's take a good look at this article first, maybe we can solve your problem.
Through the results of the sample survey of relevant departments, we will take a look at which are the words that high school students dislike the most and which are what they like to hear the most. Children enter the third year of high school, in this most important critical year, what should parents and friends say, how to do it?
The least favorite words to hear
The most disgusting parents act to make judgments to turn over old accounts
Regarding what the most disgusting parents do, everyone has formed a relatively unanimous consensus. 42% of the students are particularly disgusted that their parents make judgments when they do not understand the situation, arbitrarily attribute, and label themselves randomly, such as "Are you a fool?", "Are you like a high school junior", "You will blow, you can be patient..." "Turn over old accounts, poke me in the past is not".
37% of students said they were very disgusted with being interfered with while studying. Their parents may "blindly supervise learning", "must be crowded with themselves to do things", "suddenly rush in without knocking on the door", "find stubble and ask at every turn", "find a teacher without authorization", "take advantage of me not to mess around with my things", "forcibly associate everything with the college entrance examination".
Some students also reported that parents sometimes have a hard time controlling their emotions, "Obviously they clashed for my affairs, and they didn't let me get involved." "They especially don't want their parents to quarrel, or they don't treat themselves as a member of the family when they quarrel, they have to let themselves study well, how can they study well at this time?"
There are also big data surveys that show that the following 10 sentences are often said by parents, and they are also "disliked" by candidates. Parents should pay attention!
In addition to the above, there are some words that will also cause your child to be disgusted to a large extent, and see if you often say to your child:
Come on! This is a crucial opportunity for you to do well in the exam.
Don't forget what you say, success is at hand.
Your mock exam is always excellent, everyone is waiting for you to go to Tsinghua Peking University!
This is the turning point of your life, you must grasp it!
Our family is poor, parents are willing to smash pots and sell iron for you to go to college, this time we must fight!
What parents are most looking forward to
Eating more and going to bed early are the most annoying words for graduates
When asked what they least like to hear from their parents, 30% of the students thought, "Hurry up", "eat more", "go to bed early", "get up early"... They are extremely disgusted by the care of everything in life, and they do not like to be managed like a baby.
"What do you know", "You will regret not listening to me", "I think when I took the college entrance examination... How do you..." 23% of the students said that their parents like to substitute for past experience, blindly guide their own learning and life, and even comment on it casually, which makes them quite annoyed. Qian said, "The times are different, I hope that parents can stand in their own position, consider the current environment, listen to our own analysis, and not subjectively speculate." ”
So what are the things that children are most happy to hear from their parents? More than 36% of the students said that they hope that their parents will encourage themselves more, praise themselves more, see their own advantages from specific things, and do not hesitate to praise, these words will impress themselves.
24% of students like to hear their parents say that they are happy, 9% of students and parents often feel happy, and 5% of students are willing to imagine the future with their parents. From this point of view, most students will feel very happy when they see their parents happy, no matter what they talk about.
How to improve parent-child relationships
Parents should not always care about their children's grades, but also care about themselves
When it comes to what they most want their parents to do before the college entrance examination, more than 38% of the students will focus on eating, they hope that their parents will cook more delicious food for themselves, take themselves out to eat delicious food, and sometimes take themselves out for a walk.
What is touching is that 21% of the students expect their parents to work well and live a good life, and they want to see their parents happy. 13% of the students expressed further expectations, they asked parents not to always focus on the child, to care more about themselves, to develop their own interests, to do what they want to do, which will make them feel very at ease.
How should parents communicate with their children in their third year of high school? Summer, a well-known psychologist in Suzhou, believes that high school graduates are basically adults and have strong self-discipline, and parents do not have to pay close attention to their study and life, "to maintain normal work and rest, eating habits unchanged." ”
Most of the parents of high school students are middle-aged and face greater work and life pressure, but they cannot transmit the pressure to their children, and do not open their mouths and shut up to talk about "learning", resulting in family time without the breath of life. Instead, we should share more happy things in our daily work and life, cook more delicious food for our children, go out to eat delicious food with conditions, and go out for a walk together.
Anxiety is useless, it must be turned into effective action!
Then, as a parent of a high school senior, you can't say all our efforts and efforts in this special period of high school with only the word hard work. If you want to make your efforts and efforts rewarded, there are a few points that please pay attention to.
1, do not overly anxious
In the past, many parents were like enemies as soon as their children entered the third year of high school, and they had changes first: some became more severe than usual, some became more cordial than usual, some did not think about tea and dinner, and some could not sleep at night.
Parents are afraid that their children's grades will fluctuate and make their hearts bottomless, afraid that their children will lose confidence and they cannot cheer him up, afraid that children will be sick and waste time, afraid that children's emotions will affect the review, afraid that children will fall in love in these days, afraid that children will not be in a hurry when they reach the third year of high school, afraid that children will not be able to enter the ideal university, anyway, they are worried all day, worried, and anxious.
I don't know if everyone has thought about it, our emotions can directly infect and affect the child's emotions?
I once did a survey, and the real pressure children face in learning comes from parents who care for them and care for them.
Many times, as parents, we consciously or unconsciously become the main source of pressure on children, and in the process of preparing for the college entrance examination, we act as not a stress reducer, but a pressure bearer.
Most of us are middle-aged, most of us are the backbone of the business of the unit, have our own career, but also the pillar of the family, not only to take care of parents, children, but also to participate in various social activities, heavy burden, pressure.
Despite this, please pay attention to the following points:
Try not to talk too much about the dark side of society, which will cause a great shadow on the child's psychology, affect their world view, and even make them afraid to enter society.
Don't argue in front of your child, let some things, contradictions, and discord at work and family affect your child. I have heard parents and friends say many times, "I told my child that the matter between me and his father is an adult's business, and he doesn't have to take care of it, he just needs to study with peace of mind." This seems reasonable, think about it, who can do it? Parents are arguing and fighting on the side, and children are indifferent on the side, learning with peace of mind? Swap roles, can you do it? Don't openly argue because of inconsistent parenting methods between husband and wife, which will make the child feel insecure and overwhelmed, and it is best for parents to be consistent in front of the child. If there are different opinions, avoid the child's discussion and don't let him feel that only one person has the final say, so as to prevent one party from speaking when the other party is not present.
We must first ensure the stability of our emotions and use our positive optimism to dilute the tension in the child's heart. I hope that everyone will give children more motivation, add less baggage, and strive to create a good living and learning environment for their children, so that children can prepare for the exam with a happy mood, abundant physical strength and strong energy, and hope that after our great efforts and efforts, we can get a valuable and rich return.
2, do not overly care
In the past to do a survey, to take the college entrance examination, "What is your favorite sentence said by your parents?" And "What's your favorite thing a parent does?" The vast majority of students replied, "Say nothing, do nothing." "It can be seen that children do not welcome our excessive concern.
We try not to walk into the child's room lightly when he is studying, one will send milk, one will send fruit, in the name of care, the practice of supervision. Our parents and friends, the heart is really entangled, the child does not learn, you are angry; the child learns, a little lamp boiling oil, you are distressed.
In fact, the spiritual care and material care for the child should be moderate, and the constraints of irrelevant principles should be less, and the extra care should be less.
Your desire to become a dragon is understandably urgent, but no matter how urgent your heart is, you must pretend to be insignificant and indifferent. It is better not to leave, if it is to leave. Do not take the initiative to ask, when the child himself talks about related topics, he should seriously "observe the color" and deal with it skillfully.
3, the change of family environment or atmosphere should not be too much, the contrast should not be too large, and it is necessary to create a relaxed, natural and pleasant family atmosphere.
It is enough to keep the food, clothing, and housing as they are, so that children can properly watch TV, listen to music or go shopping on Sundays. Some parents and friends do not understand that it is not good for children to focus all their activities on learning. Learning is not just about reading, and rest is not just about sleeping. Let children do some activities within their ability after learning, such as sweeping the floor, washing dishes, and washing clothes, which can not only let the child's brain get appropriate relief and relaxation, but also be good for the child's growth and development.
We must transform anxiety into effective actions to help children improve their grades effectively, and to maintain a certain distance from children. You can be there quickly when you are needed, and when you are not needed, you can hardly feel your presence. This is "throwing in its favor", that is, "pushing the boat along the water". This is a kind of learning and skill, which needs to be gradually explored in practice.
4. In the third stage of high school, we must correctly look at the score of the child's test.
Do not hesitate to ask famous teachers to do tutors and open small stoves, which not only squeezes out the time for children to digest and review freely, but also has the suspicion of seedlings; not only wastes time and money, but also makes it easy for children to form bad learning habits - do not listen carefully to lectures in class, anyway, there are also people who give tutors, which is very easy to form a vicious circle.
The child's test scores are not good, there will be a fire, what we have to do is not to rush to make up, but to find the reason with the child, is the emotion too nervous, is the test question too difficult, or the revision plan is biased? Is the basic knowledge not in place, is the exam skills not mastered, or is there no effort in learning? If you do not calmly analyze the reasons for the poor test with your child and find deficiencies from it, make a learning plan for the next stage. On the contrary, instead of being sick and chaotic, it is a fuss, disappointment and sadness, anger and scolding, which are undoubtedly adding fuel to the fire, making it worse, and falling into the well.
5, if you really want to help your children, you must help the right place.
Some parents have too high expectations for their children, regardless of the actual results of the candidates and the difference in intelligence, always want to let their children enter famous universities, grow faces for parents, and win glory for the family.
The goal is too high, exceeding the actual level of the child, so that the child feels that it is incompetent to enter the famous school, which invisibly causes great psychological pressure to the child and dampens the child's self-confidence. As parents, we must understand the actual level of our children, do not give our children too high expectations, and keep a most valuable and ordinary heart.
Some parents and friends always think that their children's grades are not good enough, and they may not be able to enter the ideal university, so they often use the top children of relatives, friends, and colleagues to stimulate their children, thinking that this will have a good effect.
Don't you know, this is even worse?
Therefore, do not always tell the child how good other people's children learn, how diligent, how to have a good job, which will intentionally or unintentionally cause pressure on the child, increase the child's reverse psychology, so that the child from the heart of the study, the college entrance examination fear, disgust, more is not conducive to review and examination.
It is necessary to make more vertical comparisons between children and themselves, strive to find the progress of children every moment, and help children analyze their own strengths and weaknesses to achieve the effect of taking advantage of their strengths and avoiding weaknesses and boosting morale.
Some parents and friends hang on to the college entrance examination all day long, nagging endlessly, and stimulating their children with words such as "to fight for their parents" all day long.
From time to time, urge children to seize the time to do homework; all day long, nagging in the child's ear to work hard and work hard; grinding children all day long to be so disobedient; thousands of times saying that they can't go to college and have not made a difference; countless times than whose children are better than you; and even some parents even step on stools and peek at the cracks in the door to see if their children are learning.
You let your child go all day long, hear similar words, do things that make the child extremely disgusted, this kind of distrust, can only affect the child's mood, so that he can not study well. It will even cause a two-sided contradiction, children and parents, one is puberty, one is menopause, try not to have conflicts, collisions, that is tantamount to Mars hitting the earth, the consequences are very serious.
Expressing concern for children should also be opportunistic, do not stop nagging, do not always dangle around children, to be timely and moderate, you can choose to express them when they are resting, relaxing, and in a better mood. It is best not to repeat one thing more than twice, otherwise it will have no practical effect, and it will give the child a feeling of not being trusted, which will only have a negative impact on the child's physiology and psychology.
Usually, we must also consciously put an end to nagging, do not interfere too much with the child's behavior, and give them a more relaxed psychological and living environment.
Communicate with your child about the precautions
Pay attention to the timing and let the child have a certain psychological preparation
Many parents start to count down their children as soon as they come to the dinner table, or take advantage of the child's happiness to quickly nag with the child, thinking that the child is in a good mood at this time, and any word can be listened to, in fact, most of the time the result is often the opposite. Communication and exchange of opinions with children is best carried out under the premise that the child is mentally prepared, so that the child does not feel sudden, and it is easy to accept the criticism or constructive opinions of parents.
Communicate with your child as a friend and be careful not to "regularly" or "regularly"
Children after zero zero have a large natural and casual component in their personality, so do not talk to children in a stereotypical way, otherwise they will feel "fake", often before the parents say anything, they will instinctively reject it from the bottom of their hearts. Communicating with children does not have to be "regular" and "regular", it is good to use indirect communication methods, for example, write a letter about what you want to say to your child, tuck it under your child's pillow...
Don't pass on your emotions to your child
Parents should not worry about the sky and bring their own panic to their children. Many high school parents think of the two words "college entrance examination" and their hearts are angry. Some children originally had very good grades, and they were also full of confidence, but parents were always worried that there would be an accident, and always reminded their children not to "drop the chain at a critical moment", which made the children nervous, resulting in real psychological problems. In addition, parents should not say absolutely when making requests to their children, leave a way back for their children, do not give pressure, and do not let the children feel that the college entrance examination is a thing that will collapse if the sky is not good.
Don't talk about your grades all day
In many families, the child's grade is the "family barometer", and the grade rises in the family is peaceful, but a slight difference will usher in the "rainy day", which undoubtedly increases the psychological pressure of the child. In fact, the child's performance can not be used as a standard to measure the child, because when the child takes a good test, it may be that the learning state is better in the near future, the review focus is more comprehensive, and the exam mentality is more correct; the exam may be uncomfortable during the exam, the foundation is not solid, and the questions are difficult... When the child's single subject score declines significantly, parents should communicate with the child in a timely manner, find external reasons and internal factors, motivate the child, rather than reprimand the child, and prevent the child from being bored with school.
I hope that parents can make communication return to nature - "love", you can know more about children, pay more attention to their mood, physical condition, you can also talk about ideals, talk about life, or have time to simply take your children to eat a delicious meal, do not talk about grades, unless they are willing to take the initiative to talk to you, learn things, trust them.