Educating children well is a complex process, and in this process, parents' response is very important.
One day, a friend who is a college teacher talked to me about his third-grade child, both husband and wife are doctors, the friend's wife is still a "turtle", but his son's grade is the first in the class, he asked me why, I said the main your wife is too capable.
He also thought it was a joke, thinking that I was referring to his wife busy with her career, so he said, no, my wife accompanied him every day to write homework, that is, less than five minutes each time, she was angry, shouting at the child, "Why are you so stupid!" ”
I said, you see, the problem is here, your son's mother is so smart, how can he be smarter than his mother when he is so young?
I don't know if you have paid attention to how many celebrity biographies describe mothers:
The mother is gentle, virtuous, and understanding, she always silently dedicates herself to her children without complaint, the mother is strong, kind, and assertive, as if nothing can overwhelm the mother...
Are these words familiar? It is this mother who can raise such a wonderful child.
Because children have an instinctive dependence on their mothers at an early age, the mother's personality, language, and behavior affect the child's life.
What should a mom do?
1
Before entering the door, forget your unpleasantness
Before entering the house, mom must remind herself: forget all the unpleasant things in the unit, and now begin to assume the role of mother.
Children need their mothers to be happy, and never transfer bad emotions that have nothing to do with children onto children, because children are innocent.
A child's little honor is important
When the child excitedly tells his mother that he got a five-pointed star or a small red flower at school today, do not show boredom or disdain, be sure to be as happy as your son and praise him.
The most appropriate way is to ask the mother to see if she can share this happiness with him, because this honor is very important for the child.
2
Be an "ignorant" mom
When a child comes to ask her mother questions, the mother must not act as smart and capable as she is in the unit, and pretending to be "ignorant" is a good way to do it.
For example, when a child comes to ask the mother "how to pronounce this word", the mother is better not to answer him immediately, and the worst answer is "how do you not even know this word".
And the clever mother took one look at it and said, "Oh, I don't know either, let's look up the dictionary together, okay?"
After a few times, the mother taught the child to use the dictionary, and at the same time, the child will have a sense of accomplishment after looking up the dictionary and knowing the word, and after many times, he will develop the habit of consulting the information without relying on the mother.
When the child has a problem, the mother cannot say the answer like "bamboo tube pouring beans", while saying it and being self-satisfied, which is not good for the child's growth, after a few times, the child will avoid asking the mother question and become very inferior.
Instead, mothers should encourage their children to use their brains to figure out the problem on their own, or they can consult books with their children or use the Internet.
Calm, calm, must be calm
When the child tells the mother that the exam is not good today, the mother must restrain her emotions, absolutely can not be angry or gloomy, the child is nervously observing the mother's face at this time.
Therefore, it is best for the mother to show that there is no emotional change, let the child take out the paper, and analyze what is wrong with the child. If the child already understands what is wrong, the mother does not have to dwell on it anymore.
But finally encourage him: you see, you figured out that you can't go wrong with the next exam. If mom feels like she can't control her emotions, she goes to the bathroom to wash her face, look in the mirror, and take a few deep breaths.
3
When the child shows timidity before the exam or before doing something more important, the mother must not be dismissive or reprimand him for being timid or acting more nervous than him, which will aggravate the child's psychological pressure and cause the child to be unable to play normally.
At this time, the mother had better say to the child very easily, no matter how you do, mom and dad are not as good as you when they are as old as you, don't worry.
At this time, the child will have a lot of confidence and confidence in his heart, and he will play better than usual.
If the child wants to participate in important activities the next day, when the mother observes that the child is more nervous, the mother is best to accompany the child to sleep at the bedside of the night, tell him a story before going to bed or read his favorite books with him, relieve his inner pressure, and then leave after the child falls asleep.
In the face of failure, tell your child to be stronger
When the child suffers failure or setbacks, the mother should show strength and never give up, calmly telling the child that failure only represents a moment, does not represent the child's lifelong failure.
Don't let the mother act hopeless in the first place when the child does not think it is necessary to give up.
The worst thing is to use harsh language to ridicule him, to count the children to nothing, and even to calculate the old accounts together.
Children educated by such mothers will be extremely inferior and even give up their own bright future.
4
Give up saying "You have to..." "You should..."
Mothers should not preemptively express their own views before the child has expressed what she wants to say clearly, whether the child wants to or not, order the child in the tone of "you must..." and "you should..." to represent the child's point of view with her own point of view, and ask the child to carry it out.
Mom must not be synonymous with "authoritarianism". Children who grow up in this situation lack self-determination and lack the ability to judge right and wrong.
Mothers and children should have an equal relationship (equality is not unprincipled) and know how to respect each other.
Hurt comes from those closest to you
Mothers have to control the way they speak in front of their children. The mother knows best about the child, so the mother knows best where the child's weakness lies.
If the mother often points directly to the child's weakness when she speaks, with sarcasm, criticism or blackmail, or knowingly asks the child to do it knowing that the child cannot do it, this is undoubtedly the sharpest weapon that constantly stabs the child's sore spot.
The child will be hurt inside because the hurt comes from the people closest to him.
"Phrase + silence" is better than nagging
Mothers control the number of languages in front of their children.
Don't nag, in fact, the most frightening thing for the child is the silence of the mother, so instead of nagging and nagging the child endlessly, it is better to tell the child in short language where he has made mistakes or what he should pay attention to.
Next, the mother's silence is certainly more useful than continuing to speak, do not think that the child does not understand, although he pretends to be indifferent, but in fact is observing whether the mother takes what she says seriously.
In short, the mother at home is the mother, not a professional woman, the mother should take care of the child's life, pay attention to the child's inner ups and downs, care about the child's every move, take care of the child's childish emotions, and cultivate the child's personality.
If you hope that your child will be able to surpass herself in the future, then the most capable mother must show "ignorance" in front of her child, show "stupidity", show "dullness", and show "gentle wind and drizzle" in front of her children.
In this way, the child will feel with a sense of accomplishment that he is "knowledgeable", "smart" and "agile" than his mother, and he feels that he is surpassing his mother every day, until one day, he really surpasses his mother.
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