Many parents may have such a distress: when a child cannot speak when he is a child, he can know what he wants through his behavior and expression. Why do children learn to speak, and sometimes communication becomes difficult?
In fact, the child has grown up and gradually has the ability to think independently, and there is a difference in thinking with parents.
If you want to know your child, you must understand each other. Today, Ding Mama will talk about the method of mutual understanding - empathy.
What are the benefits of empathy?
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Empathy is divided into two situations: cognitive empathy and emotional empathy.
Cognitive empathy means understanding the intentions of others, and emotional empathy refers to being able to feel and share the emotions and emotions of others.
Zero to six years old is recognized by many child psychologists as an important stage.
This stage plays a vital role in the character building, temperament, cultivation and ability of the child's life, and it is even more important before the age of three.
In the past three years, children and their families have been getting along day and night, and in the case that children's language expression ability has not yet developed perfectly, they need more observation and patience from their families.
The benefits of empathy
1. Help your child solve the problem
Children under the age of three often do things that adults think are incomprehensible. For example, making unreasonable trouble, biting nails, hitting people, and so on.
Parents should spend some time to think about the reasons behind their children's emotions and behaviors, so as to fundamentally help their children solve problems and avoid hidden dangers.
2. Contribute to the establishment of a positive character in children
If parents empathize well, children can feel understood and be able to express their thoughts and ideas in front of parents, which is conducive to cultivating children's positive, cheerful and lively personality.
3. Better manage emotions
Children at this age, the daily behavior is mostly based on the parents as an example, if the parents can do a good empathy, then the child himself can better control his emotions. In the future, I will also become an "empathetic" person.
How to achieve empathy?
1. Crouch down and stand in your child's point of view
Most children under the age of three do not use language to express their feelings better. This requires us to stand on the same "height" as them and see things from the child's point of view.
When talking to children, the body squats, rather than standing high, to close the physical distance with the child; more importantly, it is also "squatting" psychologically, thinking in the way the child thinks.
The way of thinking of adults and children will be very different, even if we face the same thing, we and children's way of thinking may be completely different, so never understand children with adult thinking.
Whenever you feel that your child's behavior is incomprehensible, try to think, "If I were a child, what would I think?" Make your thinking simple and direct, and maybe you'll find out how different your child's thinking is from yours.
On the first day of sending children to kindergarten, many children will cry, as if "life and death parting", why is this?
Let's try to think from the child's point of view: What would I think if I were now a child who was sent by my parents to a completely strange place, and the parents were about to leave me?
"Isn't Mom and Dad coming back, they don't want me?" "This place is completely different from home, and I'm so scared." "So many children are crying, this place must be terrible."
So, do you know how to comfort your child?
2. Give your child a hug
When your child is wronged or in a bad mood, please give your child a big hug first and let him feel your love and understanding for him.
A hug, seemingly simple, can bring a huge sense of security to the child. Especially children around the age of two, they are in a sensitive period of security and need enough love from their parents.
When their psychological sense of security is satisfied, the negative emotions will slowly fade.
3. Tell your child, "I can understand how you feel right now."
When your child is crying sadly because he didn't get a little red flower in kindergarten this week, how do you comfort him?
I believe that many mothers will gently say to their children: "Baby, it's okay, this time there is no next time, we don't cry, is it okay for your mother to buy you good food?" 」
Such a similar word can indeed have the effect of comforting the child. But if you want your child to really come out of the sadness of this matter, maybe you should say this:
Baby, I can especially understand your sadness now. You worked so hard, but you didn't get the little red flower, you must be very sad in your heart. Because if it were me, I'd be as sad as you would be.
But it doesn't matter, you have your mother with you. When you are sad, your mother will always be with you.
Perhaps this will not make the child "rain and sunny" all at once, but it will make the child's heart less uncomfortable.
4. Listen carefully to your child's explanations
Three-year-old Pippi once went to see her mother at the night shift, and Pippi's mother went out to get a water kung fu and saw Pippi stickers on a wall. Pippi's mother was furious and blamed Pippi for not understanding things.
Later, when Pippi Mama was cleaning, she found that under each sticker there was a mosquito that had been killed before.
Pippi said that those were the bad mosquitoes that bit mom during the night shift, and I wanted to stick to them and not let them bite mom.
I believe that mothers will have this experience. Never use the eyes of an adult to speculate on the child's thoughts, and do not easily draw conclusions about any of the child's behavior. One proven method is to listen.
As you listen, remember to look at your child with gentle expressions and nod your head or "Hmmm, hmmm." Respond. At the same time, after the child has finished speaking a paragraph, he should summarize it again and tell the child.
Always remember not to judge your child while listening.
When a child tells you the truest thoughts in his heart, he wants to get your understanding and acceptance, not a simple "good" or "bad" evaluation.
How to improve the ability to empathize
1. Introspection: Find out where emotions come from
There have always been mothers depressed, why have I read so many parenting books and still can't communicate well with my children?
Just following the methods in the parenting book may not really understand empathy.
To be empathetic, you must understand your child's emotions: how does the emotion arise, and how does it feel? The best way to do this is to start with yourself.
When we have bad emotions ourselves, we try to think, "When I had this emotion, how do I feel now?" "What is the source of this emotion, and what does it mean to me?"
Through introspection, you may have this thought process:
"I feel angry now, I feel like there's a fire in my chest, I want to yell it out, and my breathing speed seems to be getting faster."
I was angry because my son soiled the floor I had just dragged. And I'm angry about it, which means I'm going to drag it out again..."
Doing more of this kind of exercise usually helps to improve our self-examination, and when we have a deeper understanding of our various emotions, we can better understand our children's emotions.
2. Don't label your child – don't judge
The two-and-a-half-year-old cow saw the children playing with the sand, and he wanted to go over and play with them, so he ran over to say hello and slapped the children's heads.
The child was crying, the mother was no longer dry, how could this child be so bad and selfish? I won't play with you anymore.
The cow was inexplicable, I just wanted to say hello. selfish? bad? Is this really talking about me?
Don't think you know your child very well, so just label your child.
American psychologist Beckel said: "Once people are labeled with a certain label, they become the people who are labeled by the label." Imagine how you would feel if someone were to judge you.
The label will affect the child like a spell, you label the child, invisibly give him psychological hints, slowly, the child will really develop in that direction.
Label your child, and over time, you will also wear colored glasses to see your child, so that there is no way to empathize.
After reading this article, moms and dads must have learned a new skill of parenting.
Every day, in addition to worrying about the child's food, clothing, shelter and transportation, you also have to learn various parenting methods, you have worked hard.
You are all the best parents.
What do you think?
I felt it after reading it