Lucky people are healed by childhood all their lives, and unfortunate people are healing their childhood all their lives. Everyone's childhood is more or less hurt.
Maybe now that we are parents, in the process of raising children, we will still intentionally or unintentionally hurt our children.
We all know that childhood trauma can accompany a person throughout life and can have an impact on all aspects of a person's life.
So, how to heal the trauma in your child's heart? How to heal the hurt of your childhood?
The following five sentences are corrective treatment for the "inner child", which repairs the wounds of the inner child through the healing language of the inner child.
I am sorry
"A simple word that conveys a different power."
"I'm sorry," is the word that many children expect to come out of their parents' mouths. Every child doesn't want to be blamed, especially when parents misunderstand themselves. Behind the "sorry" that the child longs for the parent, it is nothing more than to get the parent's understanding and prove that he is worthy of being loved. However, when this "sorry" is hidden by parents, the child's inner pain is also accumulated little by little with anger, sadness, grievances and other emotions.
When parents realize that their words and deeds have misunderstood their children, they should apologize in time. Apologizing can not only eliminate misunderstandings in time, but also establish the image of parents who are brave enough to take responsibility and lead by example, which undoubtedly has a positive and positive impact on children.
When misunderstood by parents, no matter which way of misunderstanding, every child craves nothing more than a sincere apology from the parents to fill the gap in the depths of the heart.
"I'm sorry" although there are only three words, the message is: you are not so bad, I misunderstood you, even hurt you, I have something wrong, I admit my mistake and sincerely apologize to you.
Every parent was once a child, looking back on their childhood, is it also misunderstood by their own parents, and when we ourselves are misunderstood, have we also longed for parents to apologize to themselves? "What you don't get is always in turmoil", a deeply traumatic repair, sometimes just a sentence: "I'm sorry"
I understand you
"We like to be accepted and recognized because it all comes from understanding."
Everyone craves to be understood, and so do children.
Understanding the child is not an understanding of what the child has done, but acknowledging the rationality of the child's emotions and feelings.
In life, it is often difficult for parents to understand their children. When a child breaks into trouble, loses his temper, or cries, his first reaction is often to blame:
"Don't cry anymore, okay?" Crying is not a good boy! ”
"I count three times, and if I cry again, my mother won't want you!"
"People don't cry when they get injections, do you hurt alone?"
This practice can make the child think that his feelings are undeserved and wrong.
Parents only talk about reason, do not talk about feelings, it is difficult to educate their children.
The right thing to do is to tell your child, "I know you're sad, it's okay, mom will always be with you." ”
This feeling of recognition and acceptance can really motivate children to make changes.
You understand the child, in order to enter the child's heart.
It's not your fault
"We learn from each other, we learn from each other, and everyone can bring a good future to each other."
There are many reasons why a child is hurt inside, either from the outside or from the inside.
When children are injured, they are often accompanied by negative emotions such as fear, sadness, and self-blame, and it is often easy to point the finger at themselves, thinking that they are bad, and parents will not love themselves, dislike and deny themselves.
Trauma psychology believes that the most effective way to deal with trauma is to make the injured person feel safe, let them establish a positive experience, temporarily stay away from negative experience, and let them feel safe and supported.
Therefore, when the injured child blames himself, the parent should directly tell the child that "it is not your fault".
Perhaps some parents think that the child is indeed injured because of some of his own problems, and it is not his fault to tell him at this time, is it not to encourage him to shirk responsibility?
As a result, many parents may use this matter to preach and try to make their children achieve the effect of pain and pain.
As everyone knows, what is done at this time is like pouring oil on the fire and making it worse.
Imagine how you feel when you are in the midst of a strong negative emotional experience and someone is still making accusations or preaching in your ear.
The direct message of "It's not your fault" is:
I don't mean to accuse you, and I don't deny you as a person because of this matter, I still love you.
And, on this basis, it is better to say some encouraging words to the child.
When parental accusations and reprimands are transformed into an inclusive and understanding, the child's injuries are quickly healed.
The feelings between parents and children, between children and others, will flow naturally.
You choose for yourself
"The confidence you bring is the most important life guide for children."
"What is the perfect life? That is, at all times of life, always keep as many choices as possible. ”
You can't imagine a child who has been decided by his parents since he was a child, and when he becomes an adult, he can immediately think independently, and when he encounters things, he will absolutely be at a loss.
The younger the child, the better the cultivation of the ability to choose.
Ask your child for advice on what to wear when you go out, where to go on holidays, and order food at the restaurant.
If you already have a general orientation, you might as well ask your child to choose one of the two, such as "Do you want to wear a yellow dress or pink today?" "You want to eat sweet?" Or salty? ”......
Some parents may say: "Children don't know anything, so isn't it a nuisance to let them choose?" ”
Don't underestimate these things, not only can cultivate children's independent thinking ability, but also very important for children's self-confidence.
I love you
"Feel the power of loving and being loved"
"I love you" - this is a sentence that many children dream of being able to say from the mouth of their parents, and how many parents want to express but bury their hearts deeply. When the child is injured, especially when the child feels that he has made a mistake, has run into trouble, become terrible, and unforgivable, he is often immersed in worry, fear, and fear, and feels that the parents will no longer love themselves.
Once read a story:
A couple in Italy who married for many years gave birth to a boy. Husband and wife love, children are lovely. When the child was two years old, one day, when the husband went out, he saw a bottle of potion with the lid open on the table, and he loudly reminded his wife to remember to put away the medicine bottle and hurried to work. The wife was so busy in the kitchen that she forgot her husband's ding-dong.
The boy picked up the medicine bottle, was attracted by the color of the potion, and drank the potion in one gulp. Due to the high dose of the ingredients of the medicine, although the child was sent to the hospital in time, he was already tired of surgery.
The wife was stunned by the sudden accident! She didn't know how to face her husband and fell into a huge fear. When the husband received the news and rushed to the hospital at the first time, facing the child's body, although he was also sad, he hugged his wife and said a word in her ear, "I love you".
This story is so touching and shocking. The love of a husband for his wife shows us what unconditional love is. In the face of great pain, the phrase "I love you" is full of warm healing, simple and direct, straight to the heart. When a child is injured, it must be when he is the weakest, please do the best treatment for him with love.
Psychologist Er Rogers said: "Love is deep understanding and acceptance. ”
The simple three words of "I love you" convey the message: I understand your discomfort and pain at this moment, I am willing to accept such a you, no matter what you do and what you become, you will always be my dearest child.
Every child deserves unconditional love. No matter what he does, he deserves to be loved. Even if there are a thousand words, it is not worth a sentence of "I love you".