Teach your child a lesson and be sure to pay attention to the occasion!
Educate children, please "close the door"!
Not long ago, a news article that "fathers sent videos of beating their sons to the class group" caused heated discussions.
Although the video is coded, we can still see the blood on the child's palms, arms and sofas.
What mistake did the child make, and the father wanted to make such a cruel hand?
It is understood that it is the child who plays the mobile phone for several days until late at night, and the next day there is no spirit to go to class, the homework is not completed, and the father beats the child violently in a fit of anger. However, this still did not solve the father's hatred in his heart, and after beating his son, he filmed a video and posted it to the child's class group.
When the police learned of the incident, they intervened in the investigation. Fortunately, the child is not in any serious trouble, just skin trauma. After that, the father apologized in the class group, probably summed up, that is, it is not easy for a person to take the child, the child is too disobedient, will hit the child's head with the wrong hand, and all this is out of love for the child.
Seeing this, Xiaobian has two feelings:
1. The father is too ignorant to control his emotions.
2. After injuring the child, expose the child's unbearable side to the classmates.
The child does not argue, the parents beat out of the gas, the child's physical injury time can be healed, but the "wound" left in the child's soul may accompany it for life. Dad's behavior is not education, but a lesson, sending the child's video to the class group, but also using the child's "face" to soothe his emotions that have nowhere to rest.
Psychological research states: "The most negative emotion of human beings is neither grief nor anger, but shame." Parents take out their children's problems and "parade the streets to hit the public", in fact, it is a "delay" to the child's self-esteem.
01
Xiaobian still remembers that when I was in high school, I had a fight with my mother on the street, which caused us not to say a word in the past two months. The reason for this is that we went shopping together that day, and my mother hated the clothes I bought "fancy", and after muttering all the time, I returned my mouth once. From the mall to the street, she began to reprimand: "Didn't you just talk back?" Why not say it now? "Dumb? Do you see which child talks to his mother like this? "Did you hear what I said?" ...... I don't know what I thought at the time, so I left my mother and ran home.
Until now, when I think back on this incident, I can still feel the anger and helplessness of the time, and those ugly words of accusations against myself have been heard by my mother all over the street, and anyone with a little self-esteem will feel embarrassed.
At the same time, as a parent now, I also understand that in fact, parents love their children deeply and are responsible. However, I cannot agree with such a public reprimand of children.
In the "Round Table Pie" program, Ma Weidu once said: "Many parents like to 'teach their children in person'. That is, no matter what mistakes the child makes, he likes to educate the child directly in a public place. This seems to strengthen memory and allow children to 'remember for a long time'. ”
02
Remember the hot search on the Internet some time ago: #初三男生被家长扇耳光跳楼身亡 #
Judging from the monitoring, as soon as the angry mother saw her son, it was a slap in the face without saying a word. Standing half a head taller than his mother, the boy subconsciously made a defensive action, but he still couldn't dodge it, and he was numbly slapped a second time.
Passers-by stopped to look sideways, and one of the women stepped forward to dissuade them. Even so, she couldn't stop the mother from pushing her son against the wall, scolding and pushing at the same time. After a tantrum, this followed the passers-by to leave.
The boy, who was left where he was, stood quietly for a moment, thoughtful. Immediately after, he suddenly turned around, jumped on the fence, and jumped without the slightest hesitation, never saying goodbye to everything.
Some netizens said in the comments: So pretentious, how to adapt to society when you grow up?
In fact, Xiaobian wants to say here that this is really not a problem of pretense! As the saying goes: "Hit people without punching their faces, and scold people without revealing their shortcomings." Whether the public exposing the shortcomings can strengthen the child's understanding of the mistake is unknown, but for the child, the parents will take his mistakes to the public for education, just like sprinkling his "face", so that the child's self-esteem is shattered.
03
Let's take a look at the following news:
On the bus home, her mother kept scolding Xiaowen for not doing homework seriously, but Xiaowen resisted: "I have good grades, I don't have to write homework." ”
This sentence instantly ignited the mother. In a fit of rage, she ripped off Xiaowen's clothes and pants, leaving only the bottoms and socks, and then left on her own, leaving her stripped son alone to face the onlookers of a car of passengers.
Some of the passengers laughed at Xiaowen, some advised him not to gamble with his mother, and some people took a video with their mobile phones, but no one handed him a "shameful" dress.
The boy, who had originally opened his teeth and claws, sat at the terminal station at a loss. By the time he was taken back to the police station, he had become a silent "mute."
It's hard to imagine how tormented his heart really is.
In his eyes, the "homework" that did not affect his grades and was not worth mentioning evolved into a "bus humiliation" that he would never forget to be treated like a monkey. No wonder some netizens said: If I were this child, I would not take the bus after killing me, because I had not yet gotten on the bus, and what came to my mind was this embarrassing picture...
Adults always take it for granted that children do not yet have the cognitive ability to be ashamed, so they will not feel faceless. However, for children, they feel that where they lose ugly, they do not want to go anywhere. Because when I got there, I felt like someone without clothes, and I always felt that someone was laughing and pointing behind my back.
04
Needless to say, everything parents do for their children is out of love, expecting them to correct their mistakes as soon as possible and become more excellent. But as everyone knows, once the way of love is not right, it will evolve into the pain of the child's growth.
In the program "Teenagers Say", a high school girl took to the courage stage and begged her mother to "educate" her behind closed doors and not to blow up in front of outsiders. But the mother ignored her daughter's request and questioned her daughter: "On the outside, is your face important, or is your mother's face important?" In the mother's words, the daughter's face is always less important than maintaining her own prestige.
At the end of the show, although the mother and daughter held hands and reconciled offstage, it seemed that there was always a distance of one heart.
05
Adults love face, and children love face even more. Children without "face", "Lizi" has long been miserable.
Parents can look at these three sentences:
1. When children make mistakes, parents should adjust their emotions, save "face" for their children, and avoid turning "education" into "lessons".
2. Listen more to the reasons behind your child's behavior, and leave the initiative of admitting, knowing, and correcting your mistakes to your child.
3. "Closed-door education" is a kind of wisdom and a kind of respect, parents should not "blow up" outside.
The starting point of each child's "face" stems from the understanding and acceptance of parents. If self-esteem is crushed, it becomes a scar that is difficult to heal.
The philosopher John Locke once said:
The more parents do not publicize their children's faults, the more their children value their own reputation, and therefore they will work harder to maintain the praise of others. The more he publicizes his child's faults in public, leaving him with no place to be self-conscious, then he will be disappointed.
In fact, children who want face can be more sensible, know right and wrong, and pursue self-improvement. As parents, the recognition and affirmation we give to our children will allow them to transform the face of "hoping to be respected by others" into a "self-love, self-esteem, self-respect", all the way to the future.
Parents, what do you think?