Parents' attitudes toward money affect the happiness of children in 3 ways

Parents' attitude towards money affects whether the child has the ability to pursue happiness.

When spending money on their children, many parents repeatedly emphasize the difficulty of life and the difficulty of making money, and even induce their children to actively give up the pursuit of their beloved things. What the child learns from this is a deep sense of scarcity and guilt.

When scarcity and guilt are too unbearable, the child will initiate psychological defenses and develop three personality patterns, all of which will make the child's happiness heavy and difficult.

（01）

The first, the critical king of nitpicking.

When they see the beautiful things they want but can't have, they make themselves dislike and dislike them by devaluing and denigrating these things.

For example, when you see a friend buy a new handbag, although you also like it, but you say that this bag is not cost-effective, the style is not good, the design is outdated, the function is not practical... anyway, it is not good. In fact, I also like it, but I can't afford it, so I balance myself through derogatory.

How did this come about?

We often see such scenes in our lives. When the child sees something he likes, the child thinks it is beautiful, very fun, and likes it, and then the parents say next to it: "Walk around, ugly; bad children play with this kind of thing; what is fun, and can not be eaten as a meal...". "Parents use words like this to directly pull their children away.

This is how the child is gradually formed, he will form a psychological defense circuit for himself, it is because that thing is not good, so I don't like it, in fact, the real reason is because he can't get it. But the child learns this way from an early age in his parents, and in the future, whatever he cannot afford to buy, what he cannot get temporarily, he will degrade things to nothing.

Growing up, such children will become miserly, nitpicking, and too picky about many things, especially in interpersonal relationships. Good interpersonal relationships will appreciate and discover the advantages and strengths of others, and they can learn and grow from them; poor interpersonal relationships will always criticize the flaws of others, and always envy and denigrate the advantages of others. Such relationships often become less and less liked and approached by others.

（02）

The second is the shopaholic of retaliatory consumption.

Because unsatisfied desires have always existed, when children become adults, after conditions, they have the psychology of retaliatory consumption, they buy not goods, but fill the void of inner scarcity in their early years through the act of crazy purchase.

A netizen said that since she was a child, her family did not give her much pocket money, and every time she wanted to buy some snacks, her parents would say that she was hungry, and it was not good for her to educate her to eat too much snacks. Once when the school organized an outing, she was very thirsty and forgot to bring a kettle, she watched a few friends go to buy popsicles, she also wanted it. Later, she was so thirsty that she asked her classmates to let her eat a popsicle, and the classmates laughed at her that she was not really thirsty, but a popsicle.

This experience left her with a lifelong shadow, decades after coming out to work, she had to buy several boxes of snacks every month, some snacks piled up at home, left for a long time without opening, and even some had expired, but she still couldn't control the hoarding of snacks.

I have also heard some friends share that when I was a child, because I did not have a decent piece of clothing and stationery, I kept buying it when I grew up, and in order not to let my children be looked down upon by their classmates at school because of clothing and stationery, they bought and bought every day, and the family was full of children's clothes, and the children did not need so much at all.

These are retaliatory consumptions. Now the act of buying snacks and clothes is a symbolic act, all to make up for the feeling of lack of childhood, so it becomes constantly repeated.

（03）

Third, those who despise their own inferiority.

The sense of lack will make the child feel that he is not worthy of the possession of good things; the feeling of guilt will make the child continue to depreciate the value of the self. People's cognition of their own state constitutes self-awareness, and children with low self-esteem often feel that they are inferior to others everywhere and cannot see their own value. They habitually despise themselves, and once someone simply says a greeting, it seems like a great concern for them, and then they fight for each other.

Rich children, not only within the scope of your ability, so that children can get some material satisfaction as much as possible when they are young. More importantly, the attitude that you are willing to satisfy your child can make your child confident and make your child believe that he is a person worthy of being loved. And because others casually buy her a gift and invite him to a meal, they will feel so happy, loved and spoiled, and then quickly take that step to give themselves to each other.

Many girls suffer this loss.

One reader once left me a message saying that she regretted having sex with someone else because they had a birthday party for her. Why? It was because, in her past 20 years or so, her parents had never given her a birthday, and never once had a cake that was eaten exclusively for her.

She said that when she grew up, she could only wear a school uniform every day, no skirt, and very few other clothes that she could wear. When I was in middle school, my classmates went out shopping, and they always found various reasons not to go, because they didn't have money to go shopping. Pocket money is saved from the cost of food, and when there is no money to use, I dare not ask the family for money. This inferiority, not only in life, in the face of friendship will also be inferior, sometimes, others casually a greeting, can make themselves feel moved. Not to mention the intimacy, so she was immediately hit by someone who was willing to give her a birthday, and when a guy was slightly nicer to her, she fought for herself.

Why are many girls cheated on by scumbags, pua, and even willingly keep being cheated. There is a very important factor, because scumbags sometimes reveal those false tender feelings, which will make them move to death, because the environment when they grew up when they were young was too bad.

（04）

The real enrichment of children is not only material satisfaction, but more importantly, your attitude towards children. This is not too directly related to whether the family has money or not, but within the scope of your ability, whether you can satisfy the child happily; when you cannot satisfy the child, whether you can tell the child frankly and truthfully.

Children who are raised to the rich can see what they want but can't have, and they can also appreciate the beautiful parts of external things and ignore the flaws.

Such children will be more popular in interpersonal relationships. Because they can appreciate things and appreciate each other from the bottom of their hearts, others will feel it and give back to them. Why do we say that doing business is networking? The so-called network, that is, everyone likes to be with you, maybe your assets are not as much as others, maybe your education is not as high as others, but when others think of you, they think that this person is very good, and they will be appreciated and the advantages will be magnified with you, and they will feel very happy. So when others have anything good to do, they think of you and take you with them.

Children who are raised by the rich are more confident and will not be easily tempted by external things. Because they believe in their own worth, they believe in the love of their parents for themselves. Without this confidence, the outside world's vision is easy to frustrate the child's self-confidence, with this confidence, the child will make himself more attractive.

It is important to note that there are many families who frantically throw money at their children. For example, let the child line up a variety of tutoring classes, interest classes and so on. Behind this phenomenon, often there is a lack of communication and companionship between parents and children, parents and children in addition to learning, do not know what to say, so simply send the child to the tutoring class, anyway, the child also spent money, anyway, the child now also has to learn, so that parents will feel comfortable, there is no mean child.

But if the child is filled with all of this time, the link between parents and children will become weaker. Because you didn't spend time communicating, didn't spend time with company, how can you possibly build feelings. The real wealth is to invest more time and emotions in the child, to accompany the child's growth, to make the child's inner wealth, to let the child's inner self-confidence, to be raised by the child, to have the ability to pursue happiness.

"What kind of children dare to succeed", published by Tsinghua University Press, Zeng Qifeng teacher foreword recommendation, has now been launched on Dangdang.com, Jingdong Mall, which is a manual to understand children, understand their own growth manual, understand the laws of children's growth, and understand the lack of their own growth. Let parents not be anxious, but also can raise babies scientifically; let children not roll in, but also dare to succeed.