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Author | La mama
Source | Uncle Kai Storytelling (ID: kaishujianggushi)
Kids don't like to say hello, would you mind?
Little S once complained on the show that when he went to Big S's house, he would greet the two children warmly: "Little Aunt is coming", but he was ruthlessly "ignored".
She was surprised: "At this age, shouldn't we teach children to pay attention to etiquette?"
What kind of children are the most likable?
Of course, it is polite and courteous, and the mouth is sweet and well-behaved! Such a child, as soon as he appears on the scene, has his own aura and will be popular wherever he goes.
Greeting, this is the most common "courtesy" behavior in the eyes of adults. For some children, it can be a great problem.
Once, a neighbor brought his children to my house to play.
As soon as she entered the door, she urged the child: "Call Auntie well!"
The little boy who is more than 3 years old is a little shy, "Auntie is good" three tones, stuck in the eyes of the throat, vaguely passed.
The neighbor pretended to be angry: "How can it be so quiet, shout louder?"
But the child obviously took a step back, hiding behind the neighbor, holding her leg tightly, refusing to squeak.
I quickly said, "It's all right, I hear you."
"You child, how can I teach you, you can't be so rude."
The neighbor was a little embarrassed, playing the round field while dragging the child out. Unexpectedly, the child cried loudly.
The neighbor was even more embarrassed, and said sarcastically, "My son is a bit introverted..."
In fact, such a scene is very familiar. Being forced by adults to greet strangers without opening their mouths is considered impolite and timid, and even attracts criticism and reproach from parents.
But children who do not like to say hello in life are not uncommon.
The host Cao Ying once complained about her son, although she looked lively and cheerful, but when she saw strangers, she would still be shy and hide behind her.
Many parents will be angered by their children's reaction and blame their children for not understanding things.
As a parent, I hope that my child can be generous and sensible, which is understandable. However, if you feel that you have lost face, you force your child to say hello, but it is easy to cause your child's rebellion.
Moreover, public accusations are like a sharp blade, which not only gives children bad psychological hints, but also easily hurts their self-esteem to the point of no end. Make the child become inferior and even appear social phobia.
Isn't it strange that children don't like to say hello?
Of course not! This is actually a very normal thing.
American educationalist Charlemagnes did an experiment in 1998 to observe the social state of 100 children with an average age of 8.6 years.
He found that when greeting strangers, 80 percent of children showed a slight retreat, intentionally or unintentionally. Maybe the child himself is not aware of it, but in their subconscious, there are already signals of resistance.
There is a word in psychology called "stranger anxiety", which is what we often call "recognition of life".
For children, especially young children, being wary of strangers is actually an instinct.
Children's social relationships are usually relatively simple, and they will become dependent on familiar people and reject strangers. Because, in the child's cognition, strangeness equals danger. So when they see strangers, they tend to show timidity or shyness.
This is a necessary stage of children's psychological development, and it is also the germination of their self-protection consciousness.
Imagine that even we adults would instinctively be wary of a stranger, let alone children?
Moreover, some raw faces are still quite "enthusiastic", and they ask for touching their faces, hugging, kissing and the like as soon as they come up, and the children are not afraid to be strange.
At this time, if you force the child to greet strangers, it will make the child fall into uneasy tension.
There is a parent-child program that interviews children's real feelings when greeting strangers, and several children invariably express their rejection:
"I don't know them, so why say hello?"
"I don't dare say hello."
"I'm not happy, I don't like it..."
When asked what they wanted to say to their mothers, the children's answers were heart-wrenching:
"I'll say hello, but not voluntarily."
"I listen to my mother, but I don't like it."
"Mom, can you stop pushing me?"
Each child's personality is different.
Some cheerful and enthusiastic. Anyone can take the initiative to chat for two sentences; some are born "slow and hot", prefer to observe and think first, and how to force it is useless.
If parents use one-size-fits-all standards to demand their children, and also turn their disappointment into accusations, to label their children, they will only let the children curl up in a ball of their hearts and do not want to open.
So, the child just doesn't like to say hello, what to do? By the way, will he become an uncultured person?
Although forcing a child to say hello is not good, we still need to teach our child the necessary etiquette. As for how to let the child take the initiative to speak, it needs the correct guidance of the parents:
Ask your child privately why they don't like to say hello
When my son first started kindergarten, he never greeted the uncle of the security guard at the school gate.
"You see all the children say hello, why don't you?"
"Because... I'm not ready."
Even though I admired those sweet-mouthed children, at that moment, I still chose to respect him: "Then when you are ready, let's say hello again."
And so it was for most of the semester, and one day, he suddenly said to me, "I'm ready."
Then he jumped up and greeted the security guard and entered the school gate.
It can be seen that even the youngest children have their own ideas. Respect your children and give them enough time to make them more confident.
Parents do their best and subtly influence their children
Sun Jingxiu, a children's educator, once said: "Children's eyes are cameras, their brains are tape recorders, and every word and deed of their parents is engraved on their hearts."
Therefore, parents can do their own thing.
For example: meet acquaintances and greet them warmly; when you meet people who are not so familiar, you can nod and smile.
The attitude of parents towards others, children will not only look in the eyes, but also remember in their hearts. Parents talk and behave naturally and decently, and children will slowly develop a good habit of taking the initiative to say hello.
Believe that with a pair of polite, cultured parents as role models, children will not be far behind.
Let your child choose how to say hello
Many children are reluctant to say hello, perhaps not accustomed to the way of greeting.
If at this time, they can choose their favorite greeting style, they will be much more natural.
After watching a small video, there are several different ways of greeting posted at the door of the kindergarten classroom, including handshakes, hugs, high-fives, bows, etc., and children can choose freely.
This kind of pressure-free greeting not only frees the child from embarrassment, but also adds a lot of fun. Why not?
Dr. James Dubson once said:
"There are a thousand ways to make a child lose self-esteem, but rebuilding self-esteem is a slow and difficult process."
So, don't easily blame a child who doesn't like to say hello. When the child feels shy and overwhelmed, it is best to hug him and comfort him.
Be a little more patient and understanding, give them a relaxed social environment, and wait for the flowers to bloom!