Text/Bi reading · Month month
01
A few days ago, a jaw-dropping video circulated online.
A girl in Changzhou, Jiangsu Province, was stopped by her mother because she wanted to buy a 6,000 yuan mobile phone, and there was an argument with her mother on the street.
In the dispute, the girl's emotions became more and more excited, and in full view of everyone, she kept pushing and shoving her mother, and hysterically asked: Can't go, can't go in the end!
The girl's shouting attracted a lot of onlookers, some people loudly reprimanded the girl for filial piety, some people pulled the girl to stop her behavior, but the girl did not half relent, and even began to beat her mother's head fiercely.
During the whole process, the mother did not say a word, did not fight back, and let her daughter knock off her motorcycle helmet.
After a while, a man suspected to be the girl's father arrived. The girl hugged the man and cried incessantly, no matter how much comfort the others tried, it was useless.
The crowd of onlookers pointed and pointed:
"Children can't be petted, pets must be spoiled in the heart!"
"No matter what happens, a child just can't beat his mother!"
"This kid is used to it!"
Seeing that the matter could not be ended, some people had to dial 110. After the police arrived, they reassured the girl, and the matter was finally resolved.
02
When I first saw this video, I believe that many people, like me, were angry and denounced the girl for not filial piety.
On a cold day, the girl's mother is dressed plainly and drives a motorcycle, which is not a wealthy family at first glance.
But this girl, who is not considerate of her parents' difficulty, wants to buy a 6,000-yuan mobile phone when she opens her mouth, and after being rejected, she actually dares to beat her mother.
It's unfilial to the extreme!
But when I understood the origin of the matter, I understood the real reason for the girl's emotional breakdown.
Turns out, here's what happened:
The girl's old phone was broken and wanted to change to a six-thousand-dollar Apple 13. She and her mother agreed that she would save 4,000 for herself and 2,000 for her to sponsor.
The girl worked hard to get 4,000 yuan and went to the mall with her mother happily. But after getting there, my uncle saw that the old mobile phone could still be repaired, so he said more: "Repair it, it can still be used." ”
As a result, the girl's mother regretted that she did not want to buy a new mobile phone.
Not only is she reluctant to buy it, but she also wants the girl to give her the 4,000 yuan she earned from her hard work.
Of course, the girl was very angry, so she quarreled with her mother. But when the girl got on her mother's electric car and wanted to go home, her mother did not move, and she also dropped various education for her daughter on the street.
The crowd of onlookers criticized the girl one by one, and the girl was so aggrieved that she had an emotional breakdown, which hit her mother.
Knowing the truth of the matter, do you still feel that the fault is all in the girl?
Admittedly, no matter what the mother did wrong, it was definitely not right to beat the mother, but was it not wrong to be a mother?
Saying that you buy a mobile phone but not buying it is not honest.
Asking her daughter to give herself the money she earned from part-time work is moral kidnapping.
Let the daughter be accused and criticized by the onlookers, pointing and pointing, in order to force the daughter to obey, this is even more deliberately framed!
The reason why the girl has an emotional breakdown is not a matter of mobile phones at all, but a great grievance in her heart:
Obviously, you are rebellious, there is a mistake first, but you played the role of a victim there, so that I became the target of everyone, can I not be angry, can I not collapse!?
I have to say, this time, I stand kids!
03
I don't know why, many parents like to educate their children in a way that makes their children ugly in public.
Children do something wrong, parents do not pull their children aside to educate privately, but loudly accuse and criticize in public, hating not to let everyone know that the child has made a mistake.
When a child encounters failure and encounters trouble, parents do not help their children cover up, but take the child's troubles as a laughing stock and tell them to the people around them.
Maybe in the eyes of these parents, the child is still young, let's say what. Or maybe they feel that only by making children ugly in public can they let children remember the lesson.
But parents ignore that no matter how young the child is, there will be shame, and parents will let their children be ugly in public without scruples, which will make their self-esteem frustrated.
What the child will eventually remember is not the lesson of doing something wrong, but the infinite harm and pain caused to him by the eyes and ridicule of the outside world.
Once this harm exceeds the threshold that the child can bear, the child will do something impulsive.
In September last year, a junior high school boy in Jiangxia District was invited by a teacher to parents because he was playing poker with two other classmates in the classroom.
When the boy's mother came to school, she was furious. She walked toward her son in a menacing manner, without saying a word, a slap, followed by a scolding of splitting her head and covering her face...
According to the boy's classmates, the place where the boy's mother beat him was at the door of their class. His mother's rebuke was particularly loud, and the classmates in the class heard it across a wall, and the classmates and teachers who passed by couldn't help but look back.
It wasn't until the teacher in the class came over to persuade her that the mother let go of her son.
After the boy was slapped, he was alone in the hallway for a few minutes without saying a word.
A few minutes later, the boy jumped from the fifth floor to the fifth floor, taking advantage of the fact that no one was paying attention, thus ending his 14-year life.
You can imagine what kind of heaven and man war he experienced in his heart during those few minutes of silence.
I think he must have felt that he had no face to face his teachers and classmates anymore before he made such a nerve-wracking decision.
What really crushed him was not the criticism of his teacher, nor the scolding of his mother, but the cruel deprivation of dignity.
Exposing children to the public and accepting the strange eyes of others will only make them go from anxiety, to anger, to sadness, and finally to the abyss of despair.
04
There is a question on Zhihu: What is it like to be scolded by parents in front of many strangers?
One of them replied:
I was once beaten by my father with a stick in front of many people, and this incident has left a shadow on me for the rest of my life. Now that he is older, his father is old, his relationship is not good, and he does not talk to him more than three times a day. There is no way, countless times when you want to let go, there are always some thoughts, once you think of it, you can't put it down.
Perhaps in the eyes of parents, a public scolding is not a big deal, but for children, it has a thousand weights.
The School of Psychology of Central China Normal University once conducted a survey on "children's most hated parental behavior", and found that 27% of children hate their parents blaming themselves in front of others.
Psychologists have also found that from the age of 5, children will consider how others will see them, and will try to establish and maintain their own image and dignity as much as possible.
It can be seen that although children are small, they also need face. Only by maintaining face can we be thorough.
Truly wise parents will know how to maintain their children's dignity and do the following "three noes":
Not to be a godson
Some parents like to teach their children in public, because they want to use the power of strangers to achieve the purpose of education by humiliating their children.
As everyone knows, parents publicly announce their children's faults, which will make children feel self-conscious, and over time, the child's shame will be damaged, and it will become self-abandonment, broken jars and broken.
Therefore, closing the door is the bottom line for educating children. Only when parents know how to respect their children and protect their children's dignity from the bottom of their hearts, children will feel their parents' love for themselves more deeply, and they will be willing to accept their parents' education.
Do not disclose the child's privacy
Every child will have privacy, and some funny things will inevitably happen in life. In the eyes of parents, these troubles are the talk of chatting after tea and dinner, but for children, they are secrets that they do not want to talk to outsiders.
As parents, we must protect our children's secrets and do not expose or ridicule. Only in this way will children be willing to open their hearts and speak to us.
Do not compare children with others
Many parents wishfully believe that comparing with excellent children will stimulate the motivation of their children to learn and grow.
Not really.
Always compare children with others, it is easy to let children leave a negative shadow of inferiority, over time, children will have a "sense of worthlessness", feel that they are inferior to others in everything.
If parents compare their children to other people in public, the lethality is even heavier, and the child will feel that he cannot lift his head in front of people.
06
Every child is an individual of life, and they need not only love, but also dignity.
Good parents have a zipper on their mouths, they will not deliberately point out their children's faults, and they will not let their children be ugly in public.
Today, you give the child face, tomorrow, the child will return you decent;
Today, you give your child dignity, and tomorrow, your child will return your sunshine.
May we all be wise parents, respecting our children and respecting every heart that desires to be respected.
Author: Yue Yue. This article is the original "Bi Reading Good Book Guide", and good books are as precious as jasper! We aim to provide high-quality information on must-read good books to help everyone read good books! Welcome to follow.
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