Text| Orange Figure | network synthesis
Many parents feel that the anger in their hearts is slowly bursting out every time they see their children doing things.
I really want to yell at him a few times and ask him why he is so slow, can't he be faster? But after the roar, the child cries, it is even more annoyed.
Before, I was just impatient, but after hearing the crying, I was even more uncomfortable, and I felt that my emotions would immediately get out of control. If you get out of control, you will definitely hurt your child and feel guilty.
Of course, the child has the right to cry and let him vent his emotions. Seeing that he was getting closer and closer to bedtime, I would also urge him and tell him not to waste time.
When you understand some knowledge of psychology, you will find that parents are always impatient with their children, not only a problem of temper cultivation, but also related to the psychological state of adults.
When you see a child who is rubbing and wants to lose his temper, have you ever wondered why this is happening?
Why does the child's cry make him flustered, anxious, as if he is controlled by inexplicable emotions? Why do children behave in a way that makes you particularly sensitive?
Psychologist Eric Byrne proposed that people, as independent individuals, often change in three states, namely parents, children and adults.
Parental self-state: Internalized from the behavior of parents or parent-type figures, it is a large number of experiences acquired in the early stages of life in the brain, including must and should, and the parental self-state is "authoritative" and "taught".
Child's self-state: often emotional, impulsive, spontaneous, and feeling-based.
Adult self-state: Adult self-state is logical and rational, and the decisions made are based on data collection and objective analysis, without interference from the state of parents and children.
When children cry, why is it so easy to stimulate parental impatience or even emotional collapse?
Many times it is the adults who fall into the "child's self-state", as if they see their former selves, the helpless and fearful child who cries in front of their parents. This complex emotion can cause emotional fluctuations, making people temporarily forget that they are parents, and have become a child, an impulsive, angry, emotional child.
He has the body of an adult, carries the identity of a parent, and casually yells and scolds children. We often say that growing up with our children is a practice for parents.
In fact, it is this kind of psychological growth process, so that you can maintain an adult self-state as much as possible and deal with these problems rationally. Of course, this is not to say that a child's self-state is necessarily bad.
Because children understand their children's needs better, they are willing to express their feelings to their children more directly and emotionally. Therefore, when you are impatient with your child, you must look at your own self-state.
Of course, patience is needed more.
For example, be patient and tell him the reason why he didn't buy it. Is there too much in the house, or is this toy unsafe? What to do when the child insists, or sits directly on the ground and cries? Is it a compromise? If the child has been clearly told why, and he wants to make the parents submit in this way, he can choose to refuse, but he can stand not far away and look at him.
Let him vent his dissatisfaction, and then give comfort and divert his attention, at this time the child finds that this method is useless, and he will not continue to make trouble.
When they are impatient with their children, they want to pull him, pull him, and even kick him, but parents forget to look from the child's point of view.
Please remember that when you are impatient with your child, be patient and be patient.