Several wrong parent-child communication methods, are you committing?

Blame complaining communication

"Ahhh! You see you're soiling your clothes again! I wash my clothes after you all day long, I'm your servant!" You can't play enough! I don't do my homework, I see when you can become an adult!" 」 If you see your table is messy, you can't clean it up!" ......。

These statements embody a common feature – accusations and complaints.

Blame-complaining communication often leads to the formation of a "black triangle of mutual blame among families." In such a "black triangle", everyone may have a relatively fixed object of accusation, family problems are often not resolved in mutual accusations and complaints, unhappy and scattered, the problem is not really solved in the end, becoming a legacy of an unfinished incident. On rainy days, the more you carry the straw, the heavier you carry. The more unresolved the family, the more dull or tense the family life becomes, and the more dangerous it is. This is a very destructive family communication model, and the accused must either go against the grain, or blindly rebel and aggressive, which is extremely detrimental to the growth of their children's personality.

Accommodating flattering communication

"Ahhh! Mom doesn't know that you don't like this dish, so she will eat less. What do you want to eat? I'll buy it tomorrow. "How, this compass I bought for you is for elementary school students?" Sorry, I'll buy it again tomorrow. "...... To love a child is to love the child as an independent person who can take responsibility for himself, rather than to accommodate and please the child.

Families that accommodate and communicate in a flattering way are superficially harmonious, but lack a sincere love between family members, and will develop undesirable personality characteristics such as a person's dependence and stubbornness, weakness and willfulness. In addition, this kind of communication is also not really problem-solving communication, it is to "solve" the problem by avoiding the problem, and it is also a communication that lacks constructive functions.

In this kind of accommodation-pleasing communication mode, children are more likely to form willfulness, as long as their parents accommodate themselves, they rarely accommodate their parents. However, the child's willfulness caused by this communication is mainly manifested in the immediate and within the family, and the child is often a accommodating person outside the family; After the child becomes an adult, it is likely that he will unconsciously form a small family that is accommodating and flattering, and live in a family emotional atmosphere that lacks true love.

Interrupting the instigation type of communication

Child: "Mom, at today's school sports day, our class won the first place in the grade, so happy!" Mother: "Oh, you see your sweaty, dirty face, go wash, put on your clothes, don't get cold!" ...... It was hilarious, but each talking separately, without interaction, two people talking to themselves.

"Mom. Tomorrow we have a spring tour, and the teacher said that each person should pay 5 yuan. "Pay again?" How much money we've spent on you since you went to school. When we were on a spring trip at that time, we took a bottle of boiled water and two pieces of burnt bread and went to the countryside by ourselves, not buying tickets at all. You look at now, a month of water and electricity bills is dozens, spring travel to pay money, you must also bring some pocket money, money is not easy to earn Oh..." A sentence, leading to so many words and things.

The biggest feature of instigators is that when they hear a word from someone else, they immediately enter their own personal world, seeing that they are dealing with other people's affairs, but they are actually dealing with their own chaotic emotions.

Under normal circumstances, such parents do not care much about the real emotions of others, and they are entangled in many trivial trifles, giving children the biggest feeling of nagging and annoying.

This groove is manifested by the fact that both sides are talking on the surface, and may last a long time, but the information is not communicated at all, like two radios that are open at the same time, each playing its own voice relentlessly, and there is no audience and feedback at all;

On the other hand, one party (often the parent) is chattering, and the other party (often the child) is irritable, anxious, hoping that this nagging will end soon, and the parents will not listen to what they say. This kind of ineffective communication not only can not solve the problem, but also cause the child to have puberty problems, rebellion and resistance, it is worth noting that at this time, the child's resistance is the parent's nagging, rather than what the parent says.

At this time, parents must understand that it is your nagging that makes the child reject what you say that may be very reasonable and very important.

"Mom, I'm going to buy an activity pencil." "Why buy it?" It turned out that one was broken. "How did the one you just bought break?" Why don't you care about things so much?" "Well, next time you are not allowed to spoil it again, and the child must know to cherish the goods." "Super-rational communication has two major characteristics: First, husband and wife to children, couples are often not "super-rational"; First, parents' awareness of "education" and "norms" is too strong, and they wear filters to look at their children, and all the achievements and advantages of children are filtered out, and all that remains are shortcomings and dangers, and parents do not forget to beat, warn, and regulate their children at any time.

This is a kind of communication that seriously lacks children's feelings, and it is particularly easy to produce parent-child emotional barriers. The impact on children will sometimes see a lot of immediate "good" effects, but in the long run, it is very unfavorable to the growth of children's personality, and parent-child conflicts often erupt after children enter their youth. Some children may be a very well-behaved "good student" throughout their primary and secondary school years, but at the threshold of entering society or later, there may be various adjustment obstacles. Stereotypes, lack of enthusiasm, stubbornness, paranoia, social missperception, etc., often become the personality characteristics of children who grow up under super-rational family communication.