People's Sauce says:
Don't always think about raising sensible and emotionless children.
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Author: Hu Xiaomeow
Source: Mom and Dad Intensive Reading
1
As the saying goes: the face of a child, the day of June, changes when it is said. One second it was elated, the wind was calm, the next it was stormy and the world was falling apart.
I have watched an issue of "Super Parenting", and there are scenes of children losing their tempers, which really makes people marvel at how powerful the child's explosive power is.
Throw things menacingly first
And savagely overturned the table.▼
Then he screamed manically
It is said that taking a baby is a process of constantly upgrading and fighting monsters, and children's tantrums are the most tricky monsters on the road to parenting.
Montessori said: Everything we do with children will blossom. It not only affects his life, but also determines his life. It seems that when a child is angry, what we do is related to the happiness of the child's life.
2
The child loses his temper and cannot make him endure
There is a kind of parent called "stop parents", they can't tolerate the child's emotions, once the child loses his temper, they will immediately take action to stop this behavior.
When taking Huluwa to play on the slide at KFC, a little boy also wanted to play, but his parents did not agree. The little boy began to lose his temper and ran to the slide crying.
At this time, Dad didn't have a word, hugged up and beat up, and said: "No, if you can't play, you can't play, I think you can cry and fight." The little boy stopped losing his temper, stood there sobbing, and soon left with his parents.
To tell the truth, for this little boy to pity, but also for the parents worried. If the child is unable to express his inner emotions freely, the result is either to suppress himself or to vent in such a violent way.
Once Huluwa and a little sister played a game, the two had an argument, Huluwa did not grab it and cried angrily. At this time, the little sister walked over, while holding the gourd baby with her hand and shaking it, she said: "Still crying, still crying, not bothered, if you cry again, I will beat you." ”
You will find that when she is angry, her parents treat her in this way, and naturally she cannot accept the emotions of others, and even treats others in the way she has learned.
Before there was a video of a mother blaming her child on the Internet, in which the child sat on the bed, forced to endure anger, and talked to the mother:
Why are you closing the door?
I want to be quiet, so what?
Are you doing something wrong or right today?
Wrong, so what?
You don't realize your mistakes right now.
I've admitted my mistake, what else are you going to do?
Why is there still love so fierce to me?
The little girl repeatedly stressed that she wanted to be quiet, but her mother was not satisfied with her attitude of admitting mistakes, and asked her "admitting her mistakes" without hesitation...
This video pierced the hearts of many netizens, among which netizen @ did not say that he did not want to, said:
Every time I made a mistake and was wronged, I couldn't help crying, and my mother wouldn't let me cry, and the more I cried, the more fiercely I scolded.
Every time after admitting a mistake, I still feel uncomfortable thinking about it, at this time, if my mother finds me crying, she will argue with me more angrily, she said that she just wouldn't let me cry, and she would hold back, as if I was crying to disobey her, a terrible desire for control.
Just like children throwing tantrums, parents always don't let their children express themselves, and they have to find a way to stop it.
Child psychologist Dr. Deborah McNamara once said, "Let the child lose his temper and not try to stop the child from losing his temper." Tantrums are harmless in themselves, and preventing tantrums is. ”
3
Parents' indifference will only make the child more emotional
When I went to swimming class, I met a parent who took their child to swim.
The child said in fear, "I don't want to swim, I don't dare to go into the water." ”
But his parents said: "Afraid of anything, besides, you are fully armed, don't be afraid at all." ”
Of course, the child is still very entangled and does not dare to go down.
At this time, only a thud was heard, and the child was kicked down by his father.
He also said, "Look, don't be afraid at all." ”
Of course, the child cried and wanted to go up, but his parents even laughed and said, "Man, be brave." ”
In their eyes, the child's fear and fear, as well as crying and tantrums, are not a big deal, and even think that the child is still young and does not understand these emotions.
Such parents are actually "neglected parents" when facing their children's emotions.
Although the parents did not yell and scream to stop the child when the child lost his temper, the child was not significantly hurt.
But parents do not give their children the emotional support they should give, which is actually a hidden harm and essentially disrespectful to the child.
Once, the little niece was frightened and cried by the little swallow that suddenly flew to her body, and cried that she was very scared.
But what I said was, "There's something terrible about this, I'm not afraid at all." ”
But the little niece still cried, but I still didn't think it was a big deal.
Until I was frightened by a frog that jumped to my feet, my heart was about to jump out, but the person next to me said, "I didn't expect you to be so timid, what is the frog afraid of." Then he laughed.
Only then did I realize that the little niece's fear at that time was real, and she would not disappear because it was not a big deal, and she would even be more afraid.
How helpless a child should be to be ignored, to be understood.
Seemingly comforting, in fact, does not care, will not let the child out of the bad mood, will only let his emotions do not know how to express, or even more emotional.
4
The child is a little monster, and the parents are Ultraman
Some parents know that the child can be a small monster, then he must be Ultraman, one thing drops one thing.
The more angry the child, the more the parent needs to be calm.
This kind of "smart parent" believes that children cannot cry for no reason, nor will they ask for unreasonable demands.
They allow children to have their own emotions, but they do not act indulgently.
Speaking of which, I think of the scene where Hu Ke meets the "angry little fish".
In "Incredible Mother", there are a few times when the little fish are throwing tantrums.
Faced with a sumptuous meal, Xiaoyu'er's heart is on his new toy, and he asks his mother to assemble the new toy into a "robot" now, immediately, and immediately.
When Hu Ke objected, a "fish-style" storm came.
When the little fish could not take away her beloved toy, she broke down and cried again.
However, when Hu Ke encountered an "angry little fish", it was not an accusation, not an insult, nor a stop, but the first time to send "I know".
I know you'd love to make a toy turn into a toy, but it's time for dinner, and it's the rule, and you have to follow it.
I know you love this toy and want to take it with you, but the rules can't take it.
When Xiaoyu'er is angry, Hu Ke's first reaction is to affirm the child's emotions, let him know that his mother understands his feelings and accepts his feelings, but his behavior is controlled.
Only by allowing children to be emotionally cathartic and respecting their feelings can children better control themselves.
Psychology professor Li Meijin once shared her parenting methods. One day, her daughter made a rude shopping request, and after she refused, her daughter got angry and cried. No matter how her daughter cried, she acted calmly and emphasized frustration training.
When she got home, she stayed in the room with her daughter and let her continue to cry, but would hand her a hot towel and let her wipe her nose and tears from her face.
Just sat quietly in front of her and watched her cry until she was exhausted from crying.
The professor's approach is to adhere to his own principles, so that children understand that they can vent their emotions and get angry, but some behaviors that do not work are not good. Of course, it also makes the child understand that no matter what happens, her parents still love her.
5
When a child loses his temper, he actually trusts you
In other words, what does it look like for your child to be angry? Is it roaring, is it teething? Or do you make a fuss and ignore you? Or, at the beginning of the roar, irritability, after a series of actions, into a wronged "little cabbage"?
Every time in front of us, Huluwa would lose her temper and become very unruly, and Grandma said, "When you follow us, you will be obedient, but you will not obey when you come back." ”
No wonder some people say that if the mother is not there, the child is a good baby; the mother is there, and the child becomes a naughty bag.
The American Parenting Encyclopedia mentions:
When the mother is not there, the childcare person tells you that the child behaves like an angel, and you must not be in a hurry to be happy, it is only because the child does not trust other people enough, so he does not dare to test their bottom line.
The child throws a tantrum at you, and you steal the fun.
That is the trust in you, and you should cherish it, not focus on raising sensible and emotionless children.