The son of the poet Xu Zhimo didn't know anything about poetry? What many people think is extremely incredible, but it really happened to Xu Jikai, Xu Zhimo's son.
As the eldest son of Xu Zhimo and the original Zhang Youyi, and the only surviving son later, Xu Jikai has been greatly anticipated since birth.
According to Zhang Youyi's recollection in his autobiography "Little Feet and Suits", all the food and clothing after Xu Jikai's birth were all expensive family goods, and even his first toy after birth was ruyi carved with ivory, and his father-in-law Xu Shenru said that this was the meaning: "Ruyi Jun".
At that time, the child's premature death rate was high, so in order to make the baby grandson healthy and long-lived, Xu Shenru also used the Congratulatory Ceremony sent by a hundred relatives of the Xu family to create a delicate small iron lock. Later, this small iron lock was also tied to the child's neck with a gold chain, which means that the child's hundred-year-old Yangshou is locked.
When naming the eldest grandson, the Xu family was also quite laborious. The three words "Xu Jikai" were finally determined, "Ji" is the name stipulated by this generation on the Xu family tree, and "Kai" is a kind of good iron, which represents strength, integrity, decisiveness and fairness.
The Xu family named this child "Ah Huan", which means that he has brought joy to the Xu family, and it also means that he has been happy and happy all his life.
When Xiao Jikai had just turned 100 days old, Xu Shenru let him catch zhou once according to the customs of his hometown. The so-called "grasp week" is to put in front of the child a variety of objects symbolizing the profession, such as rulers (tailors), abacuses (businessmen), brushes (readers) and so on for him to grasp. What is caught indicates the career that the child may pursue in the future, and also represents the future of his life.
The difference is that the usual "grasping week" is when the child is one year old, but Xu Jikai's grasping week is advanced to 100 days, which also shows that the Xu family attaches great importance to this eldest grandson.
On the day of the week, the little Xu Jikai looked at this pile of objects curiously, he first reached out and touched the beads on the abacus, then touched the tailor's ruler, and finally, he raised his small hand and grabbed the brush used by his father Xu Zhimo.
Xu Shenru saw that his grandson grabbed the brush and immediately blossomed with excitement, he picked up his grandson and shouted in front of everyone: "The Xu family has another reader to come out"!
Because the laws delegated by the government at that time would add the words "iron pen does not change", Xu Shenru concluded that his grandson Ah Huan would definitely be able to become an official in the future.
However, what Xu Shenru did not expect was that the profession that Xu Jikai engaged in when he grew up was completely different from what he had originally envisioned: he wanted his eldest grandson to become an official, but he first became a civil engineer and then became a businessman like his grandfather. And this fate of his is largely related to the death of his father and the influence of his mother.
On November 19, 1931, Xu Zhimo, who had been divorced from Zhang Youyi for nearly ten years because of cheating on other women, was killed by an airplane. This year, Xu Jikai was only 13 years old.
After his father's death, because his second wife, Lu Xiaoman, refused to acknowledge the news of Xu Zhimo's death, Xu Jikai went with his uncle to collect the body at the behest of his mother. This was the last time Xu Jikai saw his father, because he was still young at the time, so he was not allowed to see his father's face too clearly. This last death goodbye is only a hurry after all.
In fact, Xu Jikai's impression of this "father" has always been as "faint" as when he last met his father. Shortly after Xu Jikai was born, Xu Zhimo, who was not satisfied with Zhang Youyi, realized that he had completed the task of "continuing incense" and resolutely studied abroad.
As a result, Xu Jikai was accompanied only by his grandparents, servants and mothers when he was young, and as for his father, for Xu Jikai, it was only the existence of the letter. For his son Xu Jikai, Xu Zhimo's feelings have never been light, so even in the letter, he is the last to mention. Often, after mentioning Ah Huan for two sentences, he will meaningfully mention his wife Zhang Youyi.
In 1921, Zhang Youyi finally obtained permission from Xu Shenru and Xu Zhimo to leave the country under the action of his second brother Zhang Junjie, during which time Ah Huan lived alone with her grandparents.
As always, Ah Huan's impression of his father was still very shallow.
In 1922, Zhang Youyi, who was abandoned by Xu Zhimo, gave birth to his second son Xu Desheng in Germany, and when the moon was full, Xu Zhimo could not wait to sign a divorce agreement with Zhang Youyi. It was also from this year that Xu Jikai became a single parent. During this period, until Zhang Youyi returned to China, he could only be with his grandparents.
In 1926, when Xu Zhimo was about to marry his second wife, Lu Xiaoman, Xu Jikai's mother, Zhang Youyi, was recalled by his grandfather Xu Shenru. At that time, Xu Jikai was 7 years old, and he had already turned into the appearance of a teenager Xu Zhimo.
It is difficult to imagine Xu Jikai's mood when he saw his parents again. But it is clear that his father Xu Zhimo did not pay any attention to his feelings, after all, from beginning to end, he only regarded this son as a presence for his parents.
Xu Zhimo didn't care, but Zhang Youyi paid special attention to it. At this time, Zhang Youyi had just lost her second son, and all her maternal love was naturally transferred to her eldest son, Xu Jikai. Coupled with the fact that she has always felt guilty about her absence from her son's growth for many years, she naturally values his son more.
After the initial reunion with her son, Zhang Youyi could not sleep all night. Zhang Youyi's insomnia, in addition to excitement, is more of a worry. At that time, she had received advanced education and advanced parenting concepts from abroad, and she was deeply worried about the education that her son received at that time. She was extremely worried that if her son had been raised by her grandparents, he would probably be spoiled by the next generation.
Therefore, in order for her son to have a good future in the future, Zhang Youyi boldly proposed to her in-laws that she should raise her son Xu Jikai alone.
After Zhang Youyi's request was exported, Xu Shenru and his wife fell into a dilemma. On the one hand, they are reluctant to have grandchildren, on the other hand, they are also deeply aware of the drawbacks of generational rearing. In the end, they still agreed to Zhang Youyi's request, because they already had enough trust in Zhang Youyi now. Yes, she has grown from the "country bun" in the mouth of her former son to an intellectual woman in the new era. Obviously, no one is more suitable than her to raise the eldest grandson Xu Jikai.
After returning to his mother, Xu Jikai quickly adapted to life with his mother. There is a Chinese proverb that says, "I'd rather beg for food than with my father who is an official," and it has always made sense. The delicate and maternal love of the mother is always the most important role in the growth of the child. Only a mother will give up everything for the growth of her child.
Later, Zhang Youyi met countless men who pursued him, including the great talent Luo Longji, but every time, Zhang Youyi chose to refuse. Does Zhang Youyi not want to have a normal married life? No, she just wanted to take better care of her son.
Zhang Youyi's good intentions, Xu Jikai understands. Because he understood, he always listened to his mother's words. Whether it is study or life, as long as it is explained by his mother, he keeps it in mind.
Under the influence of the ears, Xu Jikai, who looks exactly like Xu Zhimo, slowly becomes more and more like his mother in temperament. Most of the time with their mothers, grandparents also live with them. Later, Xu Jikai learned that his grandparents were dissatisfied with the anger of his stepmother Lu Xiaoman and went north to live with his mother.
When the grandparents first found Zhang Youyi's mother and son, Xu Jikai was extremely happy, but he was also very surprised. Although he was still young, he also understood that his mother and grandparents were no longer family at this time.
Therefore, after Zhang Youyi bought a house for her grandparents next door to her house and settled down, Xu Jikai finally couldn't help but ask her mother.
That night, Zhang Youyi was about to finish her desk work when she suddenly noticed someone standing behind her. She turned to find her son standing in the doorway wearing a small sheet, and she hurried over and asked, "Why don't you sleep, go back to bed." Xu Jikai pouted and refused to go back to the room, Zhang Youyi realized that her son seemed to have something on his mind, so she arched her body and asked: "What's wrong?" ”
Xu Jikai was silent for half a moment before he finally spoke: "You are not with him (father), how can you still take care of your grandparents, how long will you take care of it?" ”
After listening, Zhang Youyi straightened up and looked at her son seriously: "They are your grandparents, you are their grandson, and your mother should take care of them." Xu Jikai's eyes immediately became wet after listening to it, and when he turned back to the room, he walked to the door of the room, and he turned his head to look at his mother and said: "Mom, thank you." ”
It is hard to imagine that the last person to send Xu Shenru and his wife to the end was also the former daughter-in-law Zhang Youyi. All this the mother did, the son Xu Jikai all saw in his eyes and remembered in his heart. His mother never mentioned the word "love" to him, but he already understood the word in his mother's words and deeds.
Compared with other children, Xu Jikai, who has been deeply influenced by a kind mother since childhood, has a softer heart than the average child. When he grew up, in order to reduce the burden on his mother, Xu Jikai chose the civil engineering major that was easier to find among the many majors.
Of course, Zhang Youyi understood the intention behind her son's choice, but she did not stop it.
In 1938, under the arrangement of Zhang Youyi, Xu Jikai and the beautiful-looking Zhang Puwen formed a connection. After the two married, they gave birth to three daughters and a son, and it was also shortly after this, that is, in 1947, Xu Jikai proposed to his mother that he wanted to study in the United States.
After thinking about it for a night, Zhang Youyi decided to let her daughter-in-law Zhang Puwen go to the United States with her son to study and raise four grandchildren alone. She made this choice obviously so that her daughter-in-law would not repeat her mistakes. You must know that when you were abandoned, didn't you start when your husband studied abroad alone?
Before leaving, Zhang Youyi said to her son Xu Jikai: "You have the genes of a reader and a businessman, and I don't want you to lose these two things." Xu Jikai nodded vigorously after listening to it, he knew that his mother wanted him to consider his personal preferences without thinking about his livelihood.
In this way, Xu Jikai finally made a second career plan: he studied civil engineering at the same time, and also began to study economics at Columbia University. His wife, Zhang Puwen, stayed at the Trafalgan School of Design to study design.
From Zhang Youyi's words, it can be heard that she hopes that her son will become a real reader like her father, after all, in this way, she can comfort the dead father-in-law's undead. But the final result disappointed her, and throughout, Xu Jikai did not have much interest in poetry creation, even though he had a great talent in writing.
For all this, Xu Jikai's own explanation later was: "I don't know anything about poetry, it's not that material at all, I'm pragmatic." ”
Zhang Youyi believes that an important reason why her son Xu Jikai did not become a person like his father was that he was too little influenced by his father. Xu Jikai himself agreed with this, and he later said in interviews several times: "My impression of my father cannot be said, and almost all my knowledge of him comes from books." ”
Later, when forced to ask about his impression of his father, Xu Jikai only said in a daze: "According to the book, he is very enthusiastic, very sincere to friends, and likes to party."
If Xu Zhimo knew that his son's evaluation of himself was all from books, he did not know how he would feel.
Compared with the "lightness" of his father's impression, Xu Jikai's impression of his mother is diametrically opposed. Not only did he repeatedly say that he was deeply influenced by his mother, but he also wrote a letter to his mother that touched countless people when his mother met her sweetheart to ask for his opinion, in which he wrote:
"Mother and widow live in the festival, for more than thirty years, give birth to me to caress me, bow me to nurture me, the grace of labor, Hao Tian is reckless. Imayuki has a rough foundation and can support himself. The grandchildren grew up, all out of the mother's training... The life of the mother is rarely joyful. The mother's duty has been exhausted, the mother's heart should be comforted, who comforts the mother's family? Who accompanies the mother? If the mother is a man, the son asks the father to do things. ”
The phrase "If a mother is a man, the child please be a father", has moved countless people to tears. Imagine what woman who has been failed can not be moved to tears when she hears her son say, "If you remarry, I will treat him as a father" when she wants to remarry!
From these warm words, it can also be seen that Xu Jikai is full of pity for his mother's life, so he hopes for her mother to be happy more than anyone. On the other hand, the revelations in his words also show that he is also suspicious of what his father did to his mother in the past.
In 1972, Zhang Youyi's second husband, Su Jizhi, passed away, and they had been together for nearly twenty years when Su died. After Su Jizhi's death, Xu Jikai went to take care of the aftermath, after which he took his mother back to the United States for retirement.
In order not to affect the life that her mother has been living for countless years, Xu Jikai chose to settle her mother alone in the place closest to her home. On weekdays, she can live alone if she wants to, and she can see her children and grandchildren when she wants to share her life with her children and grandchildren...
In 1988, Zhang Youyi, who was 88 years old, quietly resigned in the company of her children and grandchildren. Her third granddaughter, Xu Xing, once said that when her grandmother died, the Xu family had been in the same house for four generations, and when she died, she smiled and instructed her descendants to engrave the words "Su Zhang Youyi" on her tombstone.