What is going on in the mind of a runaway child? What all parents need to know.

It is reported that 40% of the reports received by the police every year to find missing children are teenagers under the age of 19 who voluntarily run away from home. Most of these children are middle school students, but there are also elementary school students and even preschoolers. It is worth mentioning that these children often run away from home because of a small matter.

Let's take a look at a few news stories:

There is a report about a 15-year-old girl, Xiaorui, who ran away from home 9 times.

Xiao Rui has a happy family. "Xiaorui has a younger brother, even so, we do not have the idea of preferring sons to daughters, in real life, we are very fond of Xiaorui, the computers, mobile phones, MP4s owned by peers, we all bought her."

But for some reason, from the third year of junior high school, she ran away from home without interruption. At first sometimes I didn't come home at night and didn't tell us. The next day we asked questions, and she said that she had played too late at a friend's house and did not come back, and then this happened more and more frequently. Once, she didn't come home for four whole days, and we couldn't contact her. I searched all the places she could go, asked all her best friends, and couldn't see her. ”

Xiaorui's parents had thought of calling the police, but Xiaorui had "warned" them before leaving, don't call the police, otherwise the consequences will be at their own risk.

Every night, when Xiaorui did not come home, her mother waited for her all night, afraid that her daughter would have something to do outside. Sometimes when Xiaorui came back, her mother stared at her, afraid that she would run away again. XiaoRui's mother said: "Usually a phone call can scare us into a cold sweat, and we are afraid that Xiaorui will have an accident." ”

Xiaorui's parents do not understand that 15 years old is a carefree age, when the child should grow up under the care of school and family, and Xiaorui insists on living a wandering life. In the face of a complex society, they are very worried that Xiaorui may not be able to say goodbye to her parents the next time she runs away.

Xiao Rui's incident is not an isolated case, for the problem of adolescent children running away from home, experts said: children have problems parents can not escape the blame, which has brought a lot of trouble to parents. What is puzzling is why these children are running away? Analyze the reasons for this:

1. Escape the pressure of learning

There was once a survey report that said that among the middle school students interviewed, 35% of the students admitted that "it is very tiring to be a middle school student", and 34% of the students said that sometimes "because of too much homework and can't help but want to cry", in the face of high-intensity learning pressure, many parents do not understand, but continue to put pressure on them. What's even more frightening is that 1/5 of the students have had thoughts of "not wanting to learn and wanting to kill themselves".

Some children are stressed out of their own minds, they set various learning goals for themselves, and once they do not achieve them, they feel discouraged and even have the idea of escaping.

There is also pressure from parents, parents' goals are too high, the child's test scores do not meet the requirements, put pressure on the child, the child feels fear, hope to go away.

2. Escape punishment

Some children have done wrong things and are afraid of their parents' punishment, so they choose to run away, which is usually the case in families that often punish children.

3. Be tempted by the external environment

Some children receive a lot of information through various channels, can not withstand the temptation, are not interested in reading, are keen on reading other things, such as early love or infatuation with Internet cafes, and then develop to run away from home to "achieve ideals".

For families, the departure of children is a landslide disaster. Some parents hold up pictures of their children to search from city to city, some parents are insane because they can't find their children, some parents blame each other for their children's escape and lead to divorce, and some families are in debt in order to find children. So, what do you do as a parent?

Psychological support

1. Focus on prevention and let children grow up freely

Experts suggest that family education has a considerable impact on children, the child's first teacher is the parents, and many children run away from home due to lack of communication with their parents. Therefore, parents should strengthen communication with their children in peacetime, do not force their children to do something, and create space for their children's free growth. We should not interfere too much with children's studies, adolescent children have recognized the importance of learning, and nagging and admonishing all day will make children resentful.

2. Pay close attention to the child's psychological changes

Many children run away from home unexpectedly, and parents should always pay attention to their children's psychological changes and needs. If the child makes a mistake, he should follow the good example, point out the seriousness of the problem, propose a solution, and make him consciously correct the mistake. Blame should not be made, otherwise, the child will run away from home because he avoids scolding.

3. Increase your child's insight and make him face up to social temptations

Let the child experience some setbacks and tribulations in education, and eat some suffering. Housework, as long as it is suitable for children to do, should be allowed to do, according to the age of the child, let them participate in some social activities, do wrong, do bad is not afraid, parents should seize the opportunity to give guidance, until the successful completion. Actively cultivate children's courage, self-confidence and sense of responsibility, so that children can grow up healthily.

4. Sincerely accept children who return home

If the child who ran away from home returns, parents must not speak harshly to each other, or even scold, but communicate with them well, comfort and care for the child, let the child feel the warmth of the family, ease the contradiction, and solve the problem.

Experts suggest that "the appropriate practice for parents is to provide a stable, harmonious and warm family atmosphere for their children, so that the children's chaotic hearts can settle down, slowly reason, and let the children understand life from the mistakes of 'leaving'.""

Specifically, our recommendations are as follows:

Respect your children as if you would respect anyone else, rather than treating them as your own possessions or as a little person who doesn't know anything.

Parents first manage their emotions and so on, and then go to accompany their children. In particular, don't use your child as your own punching bag.

Within a family, different members are allowed to have different views and practices. Don't force others to share your own views.

Allow children to make mistakes. Don't stare at the child's problems, and see more of the child's strengths.

Encourage children to think independently and express themselves freely. Even if you don't approve of your child's ideas/practices, listen to your child first, and then guide you, and never rush to set a conclusion and label a child.

In the family, it is not only about happy things, but also about discussing unpleasant and sad things and letting children see these things solved.

Say more kind words to your family, and don't leave your cold and ruthless words to those close to you. Affirm the abilities, values, and contributions of each person in the family, including their own.

There are fixed family interaction programs, such as regular parent-child trips, going out to eat every weekend, walking after dinner every day, doing a certain sport together, and so on. Take the opportunity to listen to the child, ask about the child's emotional condition, and share the pain with the child.