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Author | Accompanied by reading Jun
Source | Read with bedtime
This morning, the topic of #Wang Lihong's divorce quietly rushed to the hot search.
Some media broke the news that Wang Lihong and his wife Li Lianglei completed the divorce procedures at the end of November, because of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Even if the agent denied it at the first time, he still couldn't stop the outside world from speculating.
This afternoon, Wang Lihong posted a confirmation of the divorce, ending his 8-year love life with his wife:
"I have done so much in my marriage over the years, and I feel sorry for it. Now we have different ideas and plans for the way we live in the future, so we decided to live separately. ”
He didn't mention much about the reasons for the separation, only hoping that the outside world would give him and his family more space.
The end of this relationship did not come suddenly.
On November 27, 2013, Wang Lihong openly fell in love without warning, announcing that he had found the other half of his life, Li Lianglei.
Since then, they have been an undesirable pair.
But the love of the two always does not hesitate to let everyone see:
When the romance was first announced, there were many black materials of Li Lianglei on the Internet, and Wang Lihong always stood up for the first time to protect his wife.
The date of the tour is set for the wife's birthday, and the concert will be pull-up to kiss the wife in the audience and release an exclusive love song for her.
Over the next five years, they welcomed two daughters and a son.
On social platforms, people can always see Li Lianglei taking family photos and sharing life moments, and her face is full of happiness.
Only from 2019 onwards, Li Lianglei has not posted a photo with her husband, and her friends' weddings are no longer attended together, which has also caused many netizens to question whether the relationship between the two is changing.
Last time, it was Valentine's Day in 2019, Wang Lihong sent a husband and wife photo.
Li Lianglei is Wang Lihong, who was sent on Father's Day in 2019.
After more than two years, there was no further interaction.
Before that, they would take pictures of some children on many anniversaries.
Wang Lihong's name seems to have disappeared from Li Lianglei's world.
Now eight years of love, some people regret, some people bless, and many netizens are puzzled:
"Having three children in eight years, Li Lianglei is too hard!"
"Divorced, you are still the excellent Wang Lihong, but what to do with the three children, too selfish!"
"For the sake of the children, whether you can divorce or try not to divorce, give the children a complete family."
However, when a relationship comes to an end, it is not for the child to be complete, but to be responsible for the child, and it is also the greatest respect for the child.
Because marriage is not good, children know best.
01
A family that sustains children
Hurts children the most
If the marriage is not happy, will you choose divorce?
The results of the China Family Tracking Survey show that about 60% of parents believe that even if they are covered with scales, they must spare no effort to maintain the integrity of their families for their children.
As everyone knows, a good marriage hurts the children the most.
"If he doesn't die, I won't get married!" This sentence came from the mouth of thirty-year-old Zhang Jun.
Twelve years ago, Zhang Jun broke up with his father and neighbors cheating, and after repeatedly warning Xiao San that it was ineffective, he begged his mother to divorce and go out to live with him.
But in order to keep her son's property from being taken away by Xiao San, the mother prefers to respect her husband like ice.
Under the mother's grievances, the father and the neighbors continued their extramarital affair for seven or eight years.
His father's cheating made Zhang Jun feel ashamed, and his mother's disobedience disappointed him, he hated his father for repeatedly teaching, and even more hated his mother for "no quarrel with the world".
Sensitive at heart, paranoid in character, refusing to communicate with any parents and no longer considering marriage...
As his parents wished, Zhang Jun became a tool in the "complete family", but he also completely closed the door to his family.
All of it was his revenge on his cheating father and his numb mother.
Educator Makarenko once said: "Everything is given to the child, sacrificing everything, even sacrificing one's own happiness, this is the most terrible gift that parents give to their children." ”
In a make-up marriage, the child cannot see that the parents love each other. The endless resentment between parents destroys the child's yearning for future marriage.
When children find that their parents have sacrificed their happiness for themselves, they will not be grateful, and what they will be left with is only long-term trepidation and self-blame.
Those scars will be engraved in the hearts of children and become the imprint of their lives.
02
Couples are not happy
Kids know it
Children always put joy and sorrow on their faces, and adults are always willing to hide things in their hearts.
But don't think that children don't understand anything, they are the most intuitive observers and experiencers of couples' feelings.
Writer Chi Li once talked about her marriage in the book "Come, Child":
When her daughter was still infant, she always quarreled with her ex-husband over small things.
Several times she rushed out of the house, thinking that she would never look back, but in the end, because her daughter chose to seek perfection.
"Bear with the word beware, white head to old age", these eight words, has become Chi Li's belief.
When her daughter was a teenager, Chi Li was finally unable to continue the marriage.
In order not to affect her daughter's middle school entrance examination, she quietly divorced her ex-husband, and even lived under the same roof as her ex-husband for three years.
Later, her daughter lived on campus, and Chi Li moved out of the house, but did not take any personal belongings with her:
On weekends, she also rushed back to her ex-husband's house to cook for the children and continue to disguise a complete family for the children.
Until her daughter went to high school, Chi Li showed her daughter a showdown. As everyone knows, the daughter has already found the divorce agreement hidden in the closet.
"Divorce is a private matter for both of you, and I won't interfere. In my opinion, you are also inappropriate, it is good to leave, and it may be better if you leave early. ”
"Then do you hate your mother?"
"Mom, do what you want to do. Your happiness is your daughter's happiness. ”
What children fear is never an incomplete family, but an enemy parent; what they need is not the pretend harmony of the parents, but the security and love given by the parents.
When parents are no longer in love, please do not stubbornly believe that a complete family is good for the child.
Marriage should not be a cage for each other, and the meaning of the family to the children is never "complete", but "happy".
03
You're going to be perfect
Always be yourself
"If there is a problem with feelings, do you have to divorce?"
Non also.
In this world, there have never been two perfectly matched partners, and in the long and trivial married life, it is inevitable that there will be crises again and again.
Each person's situation is different, and the consideration is naturally different.
It's just that when the marriage comes to a fork in the road, the first thing that both husband and wife need to consider is whether you can still make changes for each other in the future, and whether there is still a chance for the relationship to turn back.
And children can only become one of the reference factors.
Don't be resentful, don't be bent on perfection, and choose a life that can make you feel loved.
In this way, whether you let go or start over, it is the greatest respect for yourself and for your children.
As Wang Lihong wrote at the end of the divorce statement: "Although an application has been made, we will always be a family." ”
The best gift a parent can give to their children is to be happy with themselves.
Light up [Like] + [Watch], may you always have the courage to insist on happiness, but also the courage to find happiness, may every child be treated with tenderness.
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