Text | Snow reminiscence
In 2002, after the writer Chi Li published the novel "With Pleasure You Shout", her phone was almost exploded by reporters, and people invariably tortured her soul:
On that day, Chi Li felt helpless, she said that she had never thought about it,
In the 1970s, American soldiers who fought in the Vietnam War used to put a matchbox in their lifebags, and the matchbox was printed with the line: .
The soldiers are masculine, and the shouts are self-encouragement and emotional release, which is like the image that Chi Li wants to give to the male protagonist in the work.
Bian Rongda, the man who exists in Chi Li's pen, is a small person who has been hoped to grow into a masculine man since he was a child, he is eager to realize this dream, but he is trapped in the oppression of family and society, and finally spends half his life.
Father, wife and children, confidante with a red face, Bian Rongda always lived under the disguise of a mask built for others, until he was laid off and laid off at the age of confusion, he seems to have finally lived to understand, perhaps more confused.
In short, as a middle-aged man in the period of social change, Bian Rongda must have a familiar shadow on him!
First, the growth under the stick of the strict father is the strength of laughter and tears
Bian Rongda's father has always despised the women in the city, he married twice in his life, had a son and a daughter, and the two wives who ran away were both city people. Probably for this reason, Master Bian hated the city people who hated the poor and loved the rich, but he insisted on cultivating an excellent son and marrying a daughter-in-law in the city.
From the day he entered the city, Master Bian let himself go from a miscellaneous job to a regular employee of Xinhua Bookstore, so he firmly believed that even if he was a man, he could bring up this pair of children alone. In fact, it is mainly to cultivate Bian Rongda, because her daughter Wanrong has suffered from deformity and obesity since childhood.
Young Wanrong was violated on an outing, and when she returned home with her blood-stained skirt in tow, Master Bian beat her up with a scolding belt because he asked if there was any reason. Since then, Wanrong's spirit has gone wrong, and she has been locked in her home and has never been out.
Master Bian pinned all his hopes on Bian Rongda, so when he saw that the ten-year-old Bian Rongda was about to grow teeth, he was ashamed and indignant, how could a man who wanted to marry a girl in the city look improper! Therefore, Master Bian used copper wire and pliers to manually help his son straighten his teeth every day, and thus married his son.
Master Bian himself has no culture, but the names of the two children have a deep meaning. There is tolerance is big, this is the man's mind. The last empress was graceful, which was the nobility of a woman. And the name Bian Rongda was laughed at from small to large, not to mention Wanrong, and really became a poor woman who locked deeply in the "palace".
In the whole book, Master Bian's smile is rare, he will smile at Bian Rongda's future mother-in-law, the officer's wife Aunt Chen, he will smile when Bian Rongda takes back the patched home, the rest of the time, he is an ice cube face, open mouth like a cold sword, directly poking Bian Rongda's self-esteem and heart.
Master Bian is the most traditional Chinese father, he does not smile, he is well versed in the principle of "filial piety under the stick", he uses the form of punishment station to educate his son, punishes his son with verbal criticism, in short, he probably thinks that adversity can cultivate a masculine child, so he does everything to the extreme.
What Bian Rongda lacked most since he was a child was praise, and he was ruthlessly hit by his father and never stopped. Boys who grew up in such a family of origin either have violent tendencies from then on, or are accustomed to being suppressed and no longer have the strength to fight back.
I don't know whether it is luck or regret, although the submissive Bian Rongda has the responsibility of a man, he really lacks the masculinity of a man.
Second, the indifference between the words of the wife is the rut of most marriages
Bian Rongda will never forget the scene when he first met his "wife", she jumped into the bookstore, and at that moment, the sunlight and lights were eclipsed. This is a lively and lovely young girl, and since then she has lived in Bian Rongda's heart.
This was the object of arrangement for Bian Rongda by Master Bian and his colleague Aunt Chen, because the children were all small at that time, so although the adults intentionally or unintentionally created opportunities for them to get along, they also monitored them everywhere.
Aunt Chen has twin daughters, and the one who gets along with Bian Rongda is called Huang Xinlei. Later, Bian Rongda, who was successfully admitted to the university, maintained contact with Huang Xinlei through letters. Years later, when looking back on this past, Bian Rongda solved the mysteries of their time together.
Originally, the correspondence was relatively smooth, but Huang Xinlei suddenly wrote a letter saying that the exchange would be stopped. A few days later, Aunt Chen invited Bian Rongda to visit her home, and the old couple specially explained that they were going to the airport to pick up another daughter, Huang Xinbei, at least three or four hours before returning home, and Huang Xinlei and Bian Rongda stole the forbidden fruit in advance.
At that time, Bian Rongda did not have time to think about why there was no blood stain on the bright red sheets, and how Huang Xinlei's appearance seemed to have changed a little... Aunt Chen returned.
Huang Xinbei was the first to hear her voice before seeing her, her cheerful voice was like a bird of joy, and when she shouted "Where is my brother-in-law" and rushed into the house, Bian Rongda was completely dumbfounded, he firmly believed that the girl he fell in love with at first sight was definitely not Huang Xinlei, but should be Huang Xinbei.
Huang Xinbei is full of health and vitality, while Huang Xinlei is always sick. But the wood had become a boat, and Bian Rong had suffered a dumb loss.
Bian Rongda only touched Huang Xinlei once, she became pregnant, they quickly registered for marriage, and Huang Xinlei beat up the child because she should focus on her career when she was young. After that, Huang Xinlei's body seemed to have been greatly hurt, and after three miscarriages, she finally became pregnant and gave birth to a son.
Bian Rongda is an idealist, and he is also a more emotional person. Huang Xinlei, on the other hand, is a realist, and in her view, a quality of life is what should be pursued.
Perhaps, Huang Xinlei has not been the woman that Bian Rongda likes from beginning to end, and this marriage that is not right has also made Bian Rongda unable to raise his head in this family.
At first, Huang Xinlei was virtuous, but slowly, because of her body, she became irritable and irritable. From the tolerance of her personality to the numbness of listening to her nagging, the husband and wife insisted on the principle of never arguing in front of the children, but after turning around, they were indifferent to each other, so that the marriage was once on the verge of death.
After Bian Rongda was assigned by his mother-in-law to serve as secretary general and director of the office of the Glassblowing Association, the man showed his talent for literature and published prose and poetry one after another. On the other hand, Huang Xinlei rushed to the opportunity of change in personal contracting, turned into half a businessman, and earned the first bucket of gold.
It can really be said that "calligraphy and painting piano and chess poetry hops, every piece of it in those years did not leave it; and now the seven characters have changed, chai rice oil salt sauce vinegar tea", this is the marriage between Bian Rongda and Huang Xinlei to the left and right.
Nevertheless, the difficulty of the three views is not the main cause, and the lack of communication and understanding has led to their lives towards a flat and watery return.
Third, the ambiguity in the red face exchange is a taste that seems to have or is not there
"The sea is a hundred rivers, there is tolerance is great; the wall stands a thousand, and the desireless is just." This was the first sentence spoken by this dexterous woman when Bian Rongda first introduced himself to Wang Qi, and it was also the first person Bian Rongda met from childhood to adulthood to correctly interpret his name.
Wang Qi is a colleague of Bian Rongda, she is a woman with eight faces, in this boring unit, Wang Qi is like a clear spring, sweetening Bian Rongda's heart.
Since marriage, Huang Xinlei has always dragged a sick body, which has greatly improved Bian Rongda's aesthetics of women, and in his eyes, healthy women are the most beautiful. Wang Qihun's whole body was filled with the smell of health, as if it was full of strength.
In Bian Rongda's heart, Wang Qi was a gift from heaven, and she was his close friend, that is, a friend who had no trouble at all. It is undeniable that Bian Rongda has a manly desire for Wang Qi, but although the two people feel sorry for each other, they have never crossed the thunder pool half a step.
Late at night every day, Bian Rongda lay on the cold bed at home, his side was his wife who often gambled on cold war with his back to him, and in his heart, he was full of fantasies about this red-faced confidant.
There is no thief's heart and no thief's guts, and there is no opportunity without capital, which is the expectation and helplessness of a middle-aged man who does not care about his home and has no real power.
Until one day, Wang Qi's abdomen bulged, colleagues did not know that she was pregnant, and when did she get married? No one knows.
Soon, the Glassblowing Association disintegrated, and on the eve of Bian Rongda's 41st birthday, he lost his job, and he also lost this secret confidant.
After a while, just after Bian Rongda found a job again, he asked Wang Qi to drink coffee, but when he paid the bill, he let Wang Qi break the siege because he was shy. Walking out of the café, Wang Qi pointed to his car and said that he wanted to send Bian Rongda for a ride, which made Bian Rongda feel deeply self-conscious in this era when private cars were extremely rare.
Materiality will really open up the gap between the two people, and Bian Rongda is not worthy of having a luxurious extramarital affair.
Money may not test love, but it can see through human nature.
Wang Qi pampered Bian Rongda's self-esteem everywhere, but Bian Rongda could not accept another emotional suppression. Sometimes, men's self-esteem is greater than the sky.
The strength of women and the weakness of men made it difficult for Bian Rongda to look up in front of his wife, and at the same time, he also let him remove his disguise in front of the woman he liked. Longing for masculinity, but half a life. Since then, Bian Rongda seems to want to open up, at this age of confusion, he should live for himself once.
Fourth, the helpless choice of middle-aged men is the first stick of life
Bian Rongda, a self-respecting intellectual, just after he went to report his superior, his unit was yellow, his boss had a good place to go, Wang Qi also had arrangements, and only he was ruthlessly laid off.
After losing his job, Bian Rongda did not dare to let Huang Xinlei know his embarrassment, and pretended to commute to work every day, and on the day of his birthday, he suffered the greatest humiliation in his life. A cleaning lady untied her clothes and asked him "do you want to play for a while" and "25 yuan a time", Bian Rongda understood this hint, and angrily scolded the other party. Ne Cheng thought, in the crowded shopping mall, the cleaner beat a rake upside down, making Bian Rong flee in a big way.
Even if he is dissatisfied and numb to marriage, Bian Rongda still sticks to the bottom line. He knows how to resist cheap temptations, but he doesn't know how to maintain the harmony of a family. What a paradox!
Chi Li said that "marriage" is to be with a woman in a daze; "marriage" is an adult, who has completely restricted her freedom by a woman. This is probably the helplessness and emotion of the "Bian Rongda".
As an ordinary middle-aged man, Bian Rong has the responsibility of a family and a yearning for work. However, life is never about shouting "Alibaba opens the door" and showing a wonderful world for everyone.
Bian Rongda at work was stubborn and upright, so he became a victim of political interests. He had nowhere to go, he didn't want to tell his wife, he didn't want to face a second humiliation.
Bian Rong in life is dull and boring, so his marriage is constantly adding chicken pieces and pieces after being covered with chicken feathers, allowing him and his wife to drift apart.
At the end of the story, Bian Rongda found a job to go to Qinghai-Tibet, and Huang Xinlei did not refuse, after all, the income was considerable. Only on the night of the trip, after Huang Xinlei, who had taken a bath, called Bian Rongda to turn off the lights twice to sleep, Bian Rongda was still intoxicated in the news and unconscious. After Bian Rongda, who had turned off the TV, entered the bedroom, the tired Huang Xinlei was already snoring.
It was a long trip, but the couple's attempt to communicate was missed, not to mention how perfunctory the previous life was.
Obviously, this bland marriage still makes both husband and wife implicated and refuse to go into the end of divorce. Maintaining life has become something that most families cannot refuse, but both men and women have forgotten that only "love" is what makes this connection happy.
"With pleasure you shout" let people see the pain and tiredness of contemporary men, it wants men to learn emotional release. After all, no matter how bitter coffee is, it can also have caramel to match, and depression will only make life slowly dyed gray, and liberation will return the colorful color of life.
* Illustrations are derived from the TV series "Happiness Comes You Shout" adapted from the novel "Happiness Comes You Shout", with Jiang Wu playing Bian Rongda, Yu Li playing Huang Xinlei, and Cheng Lisha playing Xiao Ke (Wang Qi in the original).
Author: Xue Yirou
A little ink in the heart Story hides mountains and rivers
Words are spirits that have fallen into the mortal world
The soul can only be free in the sea of books
May my words warm you