Friends complained in the sister group: every time a child goes to the supermarket to see a toy like the emperor's concubine, which one wants, which one is reluctant to lose. Tell him that he can only choose the same, verbally promise to be good, and the hand holding the thing does not stop for a moment.
A stone stirred up a thousand waves, and other mothers echoed:
Tell the child that you can't dive on a rainy day, you will get your clothes wet, and the "divine beast" not only does not listen, but also has a lot of fun.
Shouted many times to eat, otherwise the cold is not good for the stomach, I was there to fight the blocks, indifferent to my mother's voice.
It was almost eleven o'clock, and if I didn't sleep tomorrow, I wouldn't be able to get up, and the bear child was not worried at all, and the state of excitement seemed to be the rhythm of the night.
.......
Finally, there was a bao mom who cried: I am bitter and reasonable, spitting stars can merge into a vast ocean, the child's left ear is more in the right ear, sometimes even the head is lazy, directly blocking the sound around me.
Is there something wrong with your child's ear?
You are so reasonable, obviously for the good of your children, why don't you want to listen?
The child knows that what you said is right, why is there still resistance?
First, the Myrabin Law, the most powerless education is language education.
Psychology professor Albert McLabin, through 10 years of continuous research, came up with the famous McLabin Rule: the effective information we receive when communicating with others:
55% is transmitted through the eyes, such as our gestures, expressions, attitudes, body language, etc.;
38% is through the ear to hear, such as the tone of our speech, intonation, the size of the voice, etc.;
The remaining 7% is the content of pure verbal expression.
We talk a lot about what we think is right, and only 7% of what our children can hear in their ears.
Children who are often beaten, once in a while, we deliberately suppress the impatient tone, tell the child that it is okay, want to reach out and hug the child who made the mistake, give him comfort, and the child reflexively retreats.
Although your tone is not reproachful, what the child reads is body language, and habitual thinking makes him instinctively avoid.
French educator Rousseau said:
"Three of the most useless methods of education in the world: reasoning, tantrums, and deliberate emotion."
Children before the age of 12, home is his all, parents are the authority, they listen to the truth, mechanically nod, agree. You ask what the reason you just said, what is the reason for your approval, he can't say it.
After the age of 12, the child's puberty came, and he began to have a second rise of self-awareness: it turned out that mom and dad were not necessarily right, so why should I listen to them?
At this time, the truth becomes the fuse of the dispute between the two people, and the result of the dispute is that you win and the child resists.
The essence of education is for us to win over our children, not to win them.
Second, empathize and enter the child's heart
A friend shared one thing:
Erbao took one of his brother's paintings away as a toy to play with, and when his brother saw it, he grabbed it, and his brother cried with fright.
The mother who heard the news rushed to see this scene, hurriedly took her brother in her arms to comfort her, and reasoned with her brother: To protect her brother, it can be said that you can't take it, but you can't rob your brother..."
The aggrieved brother cried all night, it turned out that the painting had a pin, and he was afraid of pricking his brother, so he hurried to grab it.
Mom felt that her brother was trying to grab his own paintings, so he said something big. The older brother's intention was to protect him from harm.
Adult solidified thinking, seeing weak people crying, they feel that the strong are violent.
You have your reason, the child has the child's way of doing things. When you can't help but say that you are above the child as an adult and reasoning with the child, it is equivalent to forcing the child to do what you ask.
However, only if the mother is reasonable, the child can understand the truth.
Third, skillfully use the "south wind effect" and pay attention to communication methods
If a person is not a sage, who can be blameless? Not to mention the ignorant child. When making mistakes, different parents deal with them in a way that has a child's diametrically opposite life path.
So, how can children listen? What can be done to make the truth sound beautiful and the child to listen to it?
Psychologists tell us to use the "south wind effect" skillfully:
There is a parable in France about a south wind and a north wind testing their might, and whoever takes off the coat of the pedestrians on the road first wins.
The north wind took the lead and blew hard, and suddenly the cold wind was biting, and people were frozen and shivering, wrapping their coats tighter than before.
When it was the turn of the south wind, it blew slowly, and after a while, the wind and the sun were beautiful, and the pedestrians on the road were getting hotter and hotter, and they took off their coats.
This is the "south wind effect": when reasoning, we must pay attention to ways and methods. If you want to achieve your goal, you must work hard according to the needs of the other party.
There are two principles to be adhered to:
There are no more than three principles
When children in early childhood first learn to count, they will only count one, two, three, and three numbers, and at four o'clock they begin to replace the numbers themselves with "many" and "a lot".
It is enough to talk about a truth once or twice, and if you listen to it, the child will naturally do it in the direction you expect. If not, change the way, otherwise provoke the child's rebellious psychology, which magnifies the problem itself.
For example, when a child dives on a rainy day, you tell him over and over again that he can't do this, and finally he forces himself into a big mother who loves to nag and break his mouth, but the child is treated as a wind in his ears.
No one wants to be nagged, including children. He automatically blocks out the sounds around him and lives in his own world.
But if you say, "It's raining so much, I don't know if the little hamsters next door are getting wet, so I'm worried about them, let's go and see them." ”
By diverting attention, let the child jump from one thing to another, distract the fun of "diving", and depict the scene of playing with hamsters.
Let the child involuntarily follow our rhythm. The silent method of moisturizing things is far easier for children to accept than the truth.
The principle that love is greater than reason
Li Meijin, a parenting expert, once said:
"We often underestimate the power of love, but we overestimate the magic of reason."
When a child makes a mistake, it is precisely when he needs love.
His timid little eyes are telling you that he already knows that he is wrong, and that your truth at this time can be a storm of accusations or a loving hug. Tell him not to be afraid, Mom knows you didn't mean it, and even then Mom still loves you.
For example, the meal has been served and the child is indifferent. Despite letting him play, when he eats a cold meal and is hospitalized with a stomachache, he will realize when to do something.
Many parents will not be able to afford to lose on the issue of education, and children will grasp this psychology of adults and will indulge unscrupulously.
Anyway, there is a person with a bottom in the back, if the person who supports the bottom at this time lets go and lets him bear the consequences himself, the steering wheel of his life is counted in his own hands.
Compared with an independent life, it is understandable to have a small illness. Later, in the child's memory, there are cold meals, and there are also the care of the mother.
He got love and learned to pay for his actions, which was more practical in practice. Reason first, let love go first.
Parenthood is a practice, and it is not only the children who "cultivate" but also themselves. Do these two things well, cultivate into a high-level parent, and your child will be better and better every day.
[Today's topic: Are you a reasonable parent? 】
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